Legacy of Kain cast star in 'Romeo and Juliet'
by Demon Hunter Anamae
Summary: ~Complete~ LoK cast get to play in one of the best romantic plays of all time.
1. Casting for 'Romeo and Juliet'

In the famous Theatre House of Nosgoth:  
  


Kain, along with Ariel, Vorador, and Umah are sitting in the back seats of the large theatre and watching the Lieutenants, as well as other people go onstage and try out for a new play. Vorador looks over the sheet in his hand and scoffs.  
  


Vorador: "Romeo and Juliet," made by some guy called Shakespeare. Where do they make such things?  
  


Umah: Oh, do be quiet. I want to hear them try out for the parts. (Looks very excited at the stage)  
  


Ariel: Kain, what part was Turel trying out for?  
  


Kain: Don't know and don't care. I am not coming to opening night and I sure as hell am not showing my face here again. Look at everyone, prancing around on the stage and acting like lunatics. You can't even understand half the words they're saying. What does 'ye' mean?  
  


Umah: It's an older term of "you", Kain.  
  


Kain: Whatever. Like I would really care.  
  


Ariel: I thought you would be proud of your sons for going onstage and giving it their best shot. Why, even Dumah is trying out. (Waves to the serious vampire who is practicing lines with Raziel)  
  


Vorador: (Reading from the paper) This play deals with the tragic love of two souls beating with one heart...¦I can skip through this...Well that's just stupid...This is going to be one sappy romance... that Janos on the stage as well?!  
  


Kain: Oh my God, I think it is! I didn't know he was auditioning as well. And there's Malek that bastard. If I wasn't up here, I'd go down and punch his face it, the little...I'm too tired to do anything.  
  


(Everyone falls silent as the director, a middle-aged woman wearing a flowing blue dress and a white scarf around her neck, along with too much perfume, comes through one of the side doors majestically with her helpers in tow. Sitting down, she looks at the people in the audience, staring an especially long time at the vampires and spirit, nods, then turns her attention back to the stage)  
  


Director: All right, let us begin. I will call your names one by one and you will read your lines. At the end of the day, I will post up your names and the characters that you will play as. First up, Lieutenant Raziel. (Raziel walks onto the stage with a confident air)  
  


Raziel: "Yonder window, open to the world. Juliet, come to me."  
  


(Umah and Ariel sigh while Kain and Vorador give disgusted looks. This could go on for a while. Skip ahead five hours and twenty odd minutes in the theatre, everyone had auditioned and now are waiting nervously for the list to come up)  
  


Melchiah: Do you think I did well?  
  


Rahab: Not to worry, we'll all get parts. This play has a long list of characters and there is no shortage here.  
  


Zephon: Yeah, you can be the stable boy!  
  


Rahab: And you'll be the poisoner, a perfect part for you, dear Zephon. (Casts an evil look at his brother Rahab but is quiet)  
  


Raziel: I know I've already got the part of Romeo; someone of my calibre will not settle for anything less. Turel, what are you hoping to be?  
  


Turel: Anything that fits my character! Wild, loud, and a jokester.  
  


Dumah: When the list comes we'll all receive our due. Guessing and then building yourselves up for the moment, especially when it never comes, is never a good thing. Oh, the list is finally up!!  
  


(Everyone makes an awed hush as the director tacks the all-powerful list up onto the board. Before anyone can move towards it, she raised a hand for silence, which isn't really needed anyway)  
  


Director: You have all come in the hopes of being part of the 1st "Romeo and Juliet" to grace the halls of the Nosgoth Theatre. Everyone has received a part and you will stay with that part until closing night itself. Now, view whom you will be. (Dramatic flair of hands and then runs out of the way as everyone crowds around the piece of paper)  
  


(There are mixed reactions: some humans whoop for joy, others groan in disappointment. For the Lieutenants, they comes back to their seats, look over their four relatives/friends who had come to see them out, then flopped into the seats)  
  


Kain: So what parts did you guys get?  
  


Raziel: It's okay, I guess, but I am not going to say.  
  


Turel: I'm happy. (Makes a peace sign and begins to do a little dance)  
  


Dumah: Disappointed slightly, but I have a good part. I get to use a sword.  
  


Zephon: I'm a...girl. A girl. (Kain and Vorador burst out laughing as they see the hurt expression on Zephon's face)  
  


Umah: Kain, Vorador that is not funny! Not at all. Melchiah, Rahab, who are you playing?  
  


Rahab: Check the list; I really don't feel like saying but I play two parts.  
  


Melchiah: I am so embarrassed. You people can go and check the list for yourselves to see what we are for I am not saying. 

(Goes off to sulk in a corner)  
  


Kain: Will we! (Gets up with Vorador and the two move down the steps to look at the paper. They begin to laugh and look up at the Lieutenants but the laughs soon fade away into nothing as they look at the paper. Kain motions for Umah and Ariel to come down quickly. The female vampire and the ghost move quickly through the humans who are still milling about and look at the list. Director comes over)  
  


Director: I thought you people would be happy for when I saw you four in the audience I knew I just had to place you in this magnificent play.  
  


Kain & Ariel: No way!  
  


Director: But these are the most sought after parts. Others would kill for them and you, Umah, have the grace and built to play your part magnificently and you, Vorador, have a voice that rumbles like thunder and will reach many people across the theatre.  
  


Kain: (choked up) But we didn't even try out for this damn play!  
  


Vorador: I refuse to participate.  
  


Ariel: Same here. If you truly knew what Kain was like, then you would change me to another role. Isn't that right, Umah. Umah?  
  


Umah: (Starry look in her eyes) I can be an actress. Oh, a dream come true for me, to stand in front of all those people and show that vampires are just as good actors as humans and even better. Come on guys; let's enter this play. Imagine all the people staring at us, throwing flowers our way. We will become stars!  
  


(Kain, Ariel and Vorador look at each other, then back at the list)  
  
_Romeo Montague_: (Kain) One of the protagonists, he falls in love with Juliet Capulet at a masquerade. He marries her, but after killing Tybalt he is forced to flee the city. Acting on a plan that Friar Laurence puts together, he thinks that Juliet is dead and drinks poison to kill himself while in her tomb.  
  
_Montague_: (Vorador) the father of Romeo, and a mortal enemy of the Capulets.  
  
_Lady Montague_: (Umah) the mother of Romeo.  
  
_Friar Laurence_: (Rahab) Romeo's older friend who is involved in Romeo and Juliet's attempt to run away. He provides Juliet with the sleeping potion, but is unable to inform Romeo of his plan. Romeo returns to the city and, thinking Juliet is dead, kills himself.  
  
_Juliet Capulet_: (Ariel) A young girl who falls in love with Romeo Montague at a masquerade. She marries him, but is troubled when he kills her cousin Tybalt in a street fight. She later takes a sleeping potion administered by Friar Laurence in an attempt to escape the city, but wakes up to find Romeo dead beside her. She takes his sword and kills herself.  
  
_Lord Capulet_: (Janos) the father of Juliet, he is angry when she refuses to consider marrying Count Paris, unaware that she is already secretly married to Romeo.  
  
_Lady Capulet_: (Melchiah) the mother of Juliet, she supports Juliet's father on the issues of marriage.  
  
_Tybalt_: (Dumah) The nephew of Juliet's mother, he is killed by Romeo in a fight.  
  
_Nurse_: (Zephon) The nurse of Juliet, and the woman she turns to for advice and help. The nurse turns out to be useless in helping Juliet with her marriage to Romeo, however, and instead encourages her to marry Paris.  
  
_Prince Escalus_: (Turel) The Prince of Verona, he provides for law and order. After Tybalt is killed be banishes Romeo and orders the families to cease their feud.  
  
_Mercutio_: (Raziel) A kinsmen to Prince Escalus and a friend of Romeo. He is killed by Tybalt, resulting in Romeo killing Tybalt in revenge.  
  
_Count Paris_: (Malek) a suitor of Juliet, liked by Lord Capulet but hated by Juliet.  
  
_Apothecary_: (Also played by Rahab) A man who looks like a skeleton, he sells Romeo the poison that Romeo commits suicide with.  
  
_Chief Watchman_: Sarafan and lots of them!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
_Citizens of the Watch_: People of Nosgoth  
  


Kain: So I am the main character, right? Well, that does fit who I am in Nosgoth as I am the most powerful person around. Very well, then I will become Romeo.  
  


Vorador: And I'm the _father_ so it really doesn't change much. But I expect to receive top billing!  
  


Umah: I'm already in! Just give me the costume and the lines and I will be ready in no time.  
  


(Everyone looks over at Ariel, who has her hands folded across her chest and head held high in the air. That look has come across her face when she will simply not budge)  
  


Director: Madam, you have been offered an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Besides, it is only a play and doesn't reflect what happens in real life. I am sure you will be a great Juliet, am I wrong?  
  


Ariel: (Looks over each person in turn, eyes resting on Kain and giving him a LOOK) Very well. I will be the first of all the Juliets to come afterwards and I must show them how the job is done correctly.  
  


Director: Splendid. (Claps hands) Oh dear, Lord Capulet and Count Paris are already fighting! (Malek is chasing Janos around the theatre, chopping stuff up and telling him to hold still so he can kill the evil vampire)  
  


Kain: This could get interesting. All right, boys, we're going home to practice the lines!!! (Walks out of the theatre and into the carriage with an extra little step. Melchiah and Zephon are still in a sort of shock while Raziel can't believe he is going to be playing opposite of his father. Now if he really **WAS** the favoured son, he would have gotten Romeo's part)  
  


Ariel: Opening night is in two weeks, so we really need to practice. I still can't believe I am doing this. Umah, why didn't you just leave me at home today?  
  


Umah: I am going to be a star, a star. Imagine that!


	2. Practice Makes Perfect...Right?!

Ariel: 'Romeo, Romeo, where art thou?' (Ariel looks at script, then at Kain who is standing across from her. Two days after everyone has received their parts, they are back at the theatre and practicing hard. Lights are being set up while the backgrounds and props are being moved about) Now that I think of it, Juliet is a love-lorn twit. I am nothing like her at all.  
  
Kain: Really? But wasn't there someone called Nupraptor in your life, and you acted in the very same way about him? 'Oh, I love you, Nupraptor! I'll wait for you, for a day or a thousand years!' Doesn't that ring a few bells?  
  
Ariel: Okay, that does it! Now I'm going to kill you! (Throwing the script down, Ariel charges at Kain, passes right through him the first time, then swings around and manages to assert her power in real-space for a moment, hitting him on the back of the head)  
  
Director: People please stop fighting! I simply cannot have this right now! (Takes a long drag from a cigarette, fluffs out her hair and splashes the two with water)  
  
Kain: Ahh! It burns, it burns!  
  
Ariel: Serves you right. You have no reason to bring that up. I cannot work with Kain when he is acting like this to me; I shall be in my dressing room until he comes to apologize. (Floats off into the wings and leaves Kain standing on the stage fuming)  
  
Umah: 'Romeo, thou should turn thy gaze from the stars and other heavenly bodies and focus ere your mind wanders on less auspicious topics.' There Vorador, how was that? (Both are off in their own corner and practicing. Vorador seems slightly confused about where he is while Umah is hogging the spotlight but then who can blame her)  
  
Vorador: Good I guess. Where do I begin?  
  
Umah: After me, line 95, the third page right here. (Points)  
  
Vorador: 'Romeo, your mother states that you have lost your mind into the skies. Tell your father all, as womenfolk cannot understand what plagues us day after day'. Hmm, I can most defiantly agree with that.  
  
Umah: What does that mean?  
  
Vorador: Well, you see…Umm…After so much time has passed a man…Run Janos! Fly, fly away from the psycho Sarafan! (Both vampires turn to see Malek, still wearing his armour, chasing after Janos across the stage, screaming battle cries)  
  
Malek: Cursed spawn, I will destroy you!  
  
Janos: Aren't you suppose to practice with me? (Ducks under the sword, then jumps back at a quick thrust from the blade) All right, then I will start! 'Paris, my daughter is of a young and tender age and I wish to see her happily wed before my own life ends.' Well, that's very close to happening right now!  
  
Malek: Oh, you think you're better than me with your lines, huh? 'Lord Capulet, thine daughter is like a blossom is spring, innocent and sweet. I humbly beseech that you give me her hand into marriage, I shall take good care of her and never leave Lady Juliet's side as long as she doth live.'  
  
(Cut over to Rahab and Melchiah. Both characters never meet in the play until the very end, but they try to memorize their lines all the same)  
  
Rahab: I can't believe I'm suppose to remember all of these lines. Why couldn't I just be the friar and that be that? I am the friar that brings them together, then I switch scenes and give Romeo the poison to kill him with, then I change back into the friar. Shakespeare obviously did not intend these two characters to be together for that friar should of ashamed of himself.  
  
Melchiah: You think you have it bad; I have to wear a dress and make-up put my voice up high, like this. (Imitates a woman's voice as best as he can) See, I can't do it! 'Oh Lady Juliet, your father and I wish to discuss marriage for you. At such a tender age, such thoughts must be on your mind, 'tis only natural. And a match had been declared between you and Paris, the Count of…' where does he come from again?   
  
Rahab: Like I'm going to remember that. I can't believe the friar is an evil poisoner.  
  
Melchiah: Well, Dumah and Raziel have gotten into their parts quite easily. (Looks over at the first and third born sons, both fighting back and forth with rapiers)  
  
Dumah: 'Aha, victory will be mine, Mercutio. Thou has sullied my family's name and my cousin's Juliet's honour for the last time. Say goodbye, friend of Romeo!'  
  
Raziel: Dumah, not with so much strength! (Raziel's blade breaks, and Dumah's slides into his brother's left shoulder) AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! You idiot, you're not suppose to attack me like that!  
  
Dumah: Yes, but Tybalt kills Mercutio, and the death should be…what is the word…stunning.  
  
Raziel: You know Romeo kills you in the end. (Takes the rapier out of his shoulder and watches the wound heal)  
  
Dumah: That's what you think. I am going to change the script at the last moment and survive, while I kill Romeo. (Director overhears and come onto the stage, her high heels making a horrible noise on the wood)  
  
Director: Darlings, no true fighting until the play begins. Lord Dumah, you simply cannot go around and change a story that cannot be changed. In all of five hundred years since it was created, no one has been able to do that! (Blows smoke in Dumah's face) Understood? It is simply not done, no matter who you might be.  
  
Dumah: That is what you think. But I will change it, if one has certain strength over…(Becomes silent at the look given to him by the middle aged woman) Yes ma'am, I will not change it.  
  
Director: Good. Oh Lord Kain, a word with you. (Walks off and starts smoking another cigarette)  
  
Raziel: You're going to try and change it, won't you? I know that look in your eyes, Dumah.  
  
Dumah: Shut up and get back to the practice! Hey, hey, hey!! (Wolf whistles a beautiful young woman who is walking across the stage and tripping on her long white skirt. He goes over to help her up) If I must say, you are the best-looking girl here!  
  
Zephon: SHUT UP!!! You're such an idiot; I am your brother Zephon! And I most defiantly do not swing that way!  
  
Raziel: Hahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! (Holds sides while he laughs and even Dumah begins to laugh at the joke) Are you going to take up cross-dressing, Zephon? Cuz you look good.  
  
Zephon: This is the culmination of over three hours of make-up and costuming. Besides, I think I have a good bust. (Looks down at the padding on his chest) Jealous?  
  
Dumah: Not really, but I wish I had a camera. _HEY, EVERYONE COME AND SEE ZEPHON!!   
_  
(Everyone does come over quickly to see the Clan lord, who is now hiding behind Raziel to not be so embarrassed)  
  
Kain: I have no son!  
  
Zephon: Father, this is only part of the costume! I am still your ever-loving son! Father, why won't you love me!!! (Begins to sob theatrically)  
  
Rahab: Actually Zephon, I think you just found a hobby that is worthwhile pursuing!  
  
Malek: Evil demon of the night! I will kill you! (Janos knocks Malek over the head and drags him off to cool down)  
  
Melchiah: Zephon has breasts! Hahahahahahaha, Zephon is gay! I knew there was something about you that I couldn't figure out, but now the truth pops right out! Literally, they pop out. Get it, get it?  
  
Zephon: This is the costume of the nurse, you idiot! And you'll have to wear the exact same thing when it comes time for you to get into costume! Oh look, here come the costume designers right now for you!   
  
(Watches in mad glee as Melchiah is dragged off with a horrified expression upon his face. Zephon waves a handkerchief in his brother's direction, then turns back to the group)  
  
Raziel: Hey, where's Turel?  
  
Zephon: Getting his make-up on and hitting on all the women at the same time. Now if you people will excuse me, I must go and find Ariel to practice my lines with her. (Walks off with his butt weaving too and fro like a real woman would, arm extended out to the side just so)  
  
Rahab: He scares me at times.  
  
Turel: TA-DAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Prince Escalus has arrived in high style!  
  
(Everyone looks up at Turel, who swings in on a rope attached to a sandbag. As he flips through the air and lands on both his feet, the sandbag falls onto one of the Sarafan. No one seems to notice, as there are tons of the guys to go around. Turel is wearing the height of fashion in the 16th century: A tight but puffy white shirt with a red satin vest over it, tight green leggings with knee high boots and a wide hat with a single feather stuck on one side)  
  
Kain: (Whispering to Raziel) One has to feel very comfortable with himself to wear that get-up!  
  
Turel: Just think, all of us guys will be wearing this outfit! Showing off our impressive legs and muscles to the fine ladies in the seats who will no doubt try to carry us off in the middle of the performance. Hey Romeo, you should see your costume. No holds barred, no corner cut!  
  
Kain: You can't be serious!  
  
Raziel: No, I've seen the costumes. We all wear something like that, except the 'girls'. Ariel's dress it really low-cut.  
  
Kain: (Interested) Realllllyyyyyyyy!  
  
Rahab: I just get to wear heavy robes for both my characters. Turel, is that outfit comfortable?  
  
Turel: Just like wearing the tight leather pants that we always do, in fact it's SO comfortable that I think I might wear this all the time.  
  
Kain: So how low-cut are the dresses for the women?  
  
Dumah: Low enough. I am not going to wear tights, not with so many people around. I'll just wear my armour and clank around the stage, and then kill Raziel in a stunning battle that will truly show my prowess.  
  
Kain: I must go and inspect Juliet's dresses, then.  
  
Turel: I will come with you. (The two head off)  
  
(Clapping comes from the seats and Raziel, Rahab and Dumah look in the direction of the sound. Mobieus is seated, a wide grin on his face with his feet propped up and hourglass and staff near him)  
  
Mobieus: My, this is far more interesting that time-travel or watching my soaps at home. Tell me, do you think your brother is really gay?  
  
Rahab: What would it matter to you? And just how long have you been watching us make fools of ourselves?  
  
Mobieus: Long enough. Oh yes, I believe that I will come and see this play on opening night. It would prove amusing. Well, carry on about your work. I want to criticize you all. (Rahab walks off to see Umah and Vorador, but Raziel just can't back off from a fight)  
  
Raziel: Go **ck off! Come back when the play is ready, you old man.  
  
Mobieus: Now that's no way to talk to a Pillar! Show respect for your elders, young man or so help me I'll go up there and beat you with my staff.  
  
Raziel: I'd like to see you try. You can't do anything right!  
  
Mobieus: I could act better than you, Mercutio!  
  
Raziel: Then why didn't you sign up when you had the chance? Tell me that, gramps!  
  
(The Time Streamer's eyes dart back and forth for a few moments and sweat collects upon his brow)  
  
Mobieus: I was busy.  
  
Raziel: Yeah right. Loser.  
  
Mobieus: All right, that does it. (Grabs his staff and rushes up the stage at the young Lieutenant)  
  
Dumah: FIGHT!!!!!   
  
(The director is standing in one of the wings, smoking another cigarette - surprise suprise - and just watches everyone start fighting over one reason or another. She doesn't bother to stop it; for it is much better that everyone gets it out of his or her system right now instead of on opening night)  
  
Director: What a crowd I have. (Turns on sprinkler system to stop them. Vampires start screaming and running for the doors while the Sarafan and humans slip from one place to another in their boots and armour) But the ticket sales are phenomenal.


	3. Opening Night

Opening night.  
  
In the Theatre of Nosgoth, opening nights are very important, for if the play flops at the opening, then there isn't much hope for it no matter which way the coin flips. Night had fallen in Nosgoth, so both vampires and humans could enjoy this gala that was about to happen. Everyone was dressed in the best, the brightest were out, yada so on and so forth, (you people know what I am getting at) as tickets were handed into the holders and people took their seat. Divided neatly into the three sections were the humans/Sarafan to the far right, the Ancients in the middle and keeping the peace, while the vampires occupied the far left.  
  
Needless to say, tension was high and it looked like all three races were on the brink of destroying each other if the play didn't start very soon. A Dumahin vampire tossed a few pieces of his popcorn in the direction of the Sarafan and they retaliate with ice cream. The Ancients remain in the middle, calmly waiting for the play to begin and holding up umbrellas so they don't get hit with the deadly missiles. It does take a long time to wash ice cream out of their wings.  
  
Director: All right people, ten minutes until the first act. Hurry up darlings; we do not have all night. Malek, fix your hat and sword; Janos you look wonderful. Umah, Umah, you must calm down. Take a swig of this. (Hands over a small bottle of brandy and Umah drinks from it)  
  
Raziel: Look at all the people. (Peeks through the curtain in his 15th century puffy white shirt and green leggings, along with the small hat with the feather. He sports a night bruise on his left cheek that make-up can barely conceal) I never thought it would be like this.  
  
Vorador: I know my lines, I know my lines, I know my lines. (Looks at the audience) Oh god, I hope I don't screw up! If I do, I'll never live it down.  
  
(Dumah is over in one corner with Turel, both passing a bottle between them. Melchiah, ahem, Lady Capulet, comes up to the pair in a very tight dress and white powdered wig)  
  
Melchiah: What are you doing?  
  
Turel: Drinking a bit, just to bring up the courage. Every actor does it just before they go onstage. I can't give you any since you're still too young. Good costume.  
  
Melchiah: You might forget your lines if you drink too much and we can't have that, Prince Escalus.  
  
Turel: The Prince refuses to listen to the Lady and he can have a drinking problem if he wants.  
  
Dumah: Yeah, get outta here…FAG!  
  
Melchiah: That's it, I'm telling Kain! (Runs off crying with his make-up ruined. He runs quickly past Ariel, who is wearing a simple blue dress with a low-cut front, as was the style at the time)  
  
Ariel: Oh dear, now Melchiah is upset. And he actually looked quite good in that outfit! Director, a moment of your time! (Waves the woman over) Does Juliet really have to wear this dress; maybe something a little higher is in order.  
  
Director: I am not changing anything. Besides, you look good in that dress. Are you afraid of catching some flies with the honey that's always about you? (Inhales deeply then puffs the smoke out in rings)  
  
Ariel: No, it's just-  
  
Director: Stop complaining! Hey, watch the backdrop! We can't have the Montague household being destroyed already, which comes later. Aha, here comes Romeo. (Waves to Kain who has just walked out of the dressing room. Dressed in blue leggings with the knee-high boots, puffy shirt and a blue vest, Kain's hair is brushed back and tied into a loose tail. The thing that scares Ariel about the get-up is that he actually makes it look good)  
  
Kain: Well Ariel, are you impressed or what?  
  
Ariel: I truly couldn't care less. And if you get too close to me when the scene even calls for it, then I will stab you with something, even if I haven't figured out what yet! (Floats off)  
  
Kain: She likes me. Well Zephon (turns to the 'nurse' and looks him over) don't get too comfortable in that dress.  
  
Zephon: I can't be. The brassier is too tight, the cinches about the waist make me was to faint and these heels (shows his shoes) I will kill the ass that made them if I do find him. I feel sorry for women who wear dresses!  
  
Kain: Yeah, whatever. (Peeks through the curtain as well) All these people come to see my debut on the stage.  
  
Zephon: You've certainly had all of this inflate your ego.  
  
Kain: Quiet. I am, after all, the main character and you are just a lowly nurse.  
  
Zephon: Yeah, a nurse who hugs 'Juliet' when she starts to sob out her problems to me. Haha, guess who's laughing now? (Runs away as Kain makes a lunge for him and hides behind Rahab, dressed in a priest's robes)  
  
Rahab: This feels very familiar in some way…very familiar indeed. I cannot place my claw on it, but I am sure I will get it eventually. (Goes into deep thought)  
  
Director: **THREE MINUTES!!!!** If anyone has to use the washroom, go now or hold your peace until your bladder bursts! Oh hell, where is she?  
  
Stagehand: Who?  
  
Director: The narrator. She could be here on time, you know, even after I give her this important job that she swore she wouldn't forget for the whole world.  
  
(The authoress, Anamae, comes bursting through the door at said moment and rushes up to the director)  
  
Anamae: Here, ma'am. (Looks out of breath) Damn straight that I am, I had to run over half the city and Sanctuary before I got here. I thought you meant the western theatre; interesting story that happened to me there once-  
  
Director: Do you have your sheet?  
  
Anamae: Yeah! I memorized the words and everything, for I will not let you-  
  
Director: Yeah, yeah good stuff, girl. Hurry up and put on this costume. (Shoves a green robe at Anamae and walks away, now puffing on two smokes. The authoress puts it on, but looks at all the actors. Anamae's eyes grow wide, and she runs after the chain-smoking director)  
  
Anamae: Ma'am, I think we might have a problem!  
  
Director: THIRTY SECONDS!! What is it?  
  
Anamae: Turel, Dumah and Umah look drunk! See? (Points at the three quickly, who are stumbling around and looking none to healthy)  
  
Director: Oh shit…well, just go out there and begin and I'll try to sober them up!   
  
(Anamae gulps as she moves out onstage. Immediately everyone falls silent and looks expectantly at her; then she realizes that perhaps she shouldn't have been the narrator as she has a fear of public speaking. Looking into the crowd, Anamae sees Mobieus in the very front, centre row. He gives her a wave and a wink; the authoress shudders. Being hit on by a very old man who manipulated people for the hell of it made her sick; in fact she wanted to attack the Guardian of Time. But the play must go on)  
  
Anamae: (Spotlight comes onto her) Tonight is the Nosgoth Theatre's first ever presentation of 'Romeo and Juliet' by Shakespeare, a tale of tragic love. We ask that you sit back, relax, and enjoy the show while refraining from killing your mortal enemies. (Clears throat to begin)  
  
_'Two households, both alike in dignity,  
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,  
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,  
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.  
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes  
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;  
Whole misadventured piteous overthrows  
Do with their death bury their parents' strife.  
The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,  
And the continuance of their parents' rage,  
Which, but their children's end, nought could remove,  
Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;  
The which if you with patient ears attend,  
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend._  
  
Anamae: And now, we take you to Verona, where a dispute has begun over the most trivial of matters. (Crowd claps as the curtains rise)


	4. Act I, Scene I

_Act 1, Scene 1_  
  
(Verona, a market street with much hustling and bustling from the many actors. In the wings there are drunken voices heard, but they quickly fall silent. Coming out from both sides of the stage are Sarafan and Vampires)  
  
1st Sarafan: The quarrel is between our masters and us their men, the unholy vampires.  
  
2nd Sarafan: (Whispering) Sir, that's not part of the lines! I'll just do the rest of them, okay? 'Tis all one, I will show myself a tyrant: when I have fought with the men, I will be cruel with the maids: I will cut off their heads.  
  
1st Sarafan: Draw thy sword; here comes two of the House of the Montagues.  
  
(Two other vampires step forward from the rest and draw their blades as well. But it looks like they aren't going to act anymore, but really fight)  
  
1st Sarafan: My naked weapon is out: quarrel, I will back thee.  
  
2nd Sarafan: How? Turn thy back and run?  
  
1st Sarafan: Fear me not!  
  
2nd Sarafan: Let us take the law into our own hands; they shall start the fight.  
  
1st Sarafan: Agreed. Let us walk past them, I will frown as I pass, and let them take it as they list.  
  
1st Vampire: Do you bit your thumb at us sir? (Gives a very dangerous look at both Sarafan)  
  
2nd Sarafan: I do bite my thumb, sir.  
  
2nd Vampire: Do you quarrel with us? (Both vampires give deadly glares to the Sarafan, and the human warriors unconsciously go into their battle stances. The crowd begin to move, ready for a fight scene)  
  
(Backstage, a completely different thing is happening. The director is helping Umah try and throw up, while Dumah and Turel are singing quite loudly and drunkenly)  
  
Director: Damnit, you're both up soon. I didn't know vampires could get drunk!  
  
Umah: God, I feel queasy. And whoever told you that vampires couldn't get drunk you really know nothing about us!  
  
(Dumah and Turel both wobble towards the stage and listen in to the fighting that takes part in the first scene. Benvolio enters and his lines are spoken)  
  
Dumah: (wobbles towards the stage) That's mah cue!  
  
Director: NO! Don't go out there! You're not ready, you drunk! (Makes a lunge at Dumah and grabs him by the leg, knocking him to the floor) Drink this! (Pours some sort of pink liquid down his throat) It'll help you get rid of the effects of the alcohol quickly! Okay, now you can go out and wow them, kid.  
  
(Dumah/Tybalt walks out onto the stage. His vampires give a big cheer, while the Sarafan boo him. At a glance from the Clan lord, they shut up. Director wipes the sweat from her brow and looks at Turel, sighing. Still drunk and up very soon)  
  
Dumah: What! Art thou drawn among these heartless hinds? Turn thee, Benvolio, look upon thine death. (Takes out his sword)  
  
Bevolio/peasant: I do but keep the peace; put up thy sword. Or manage it to part these men with me (To himself) Oh god, please don't kill me, please don't kill me!  
  
Dumah: What! Drawn, and talk of peace? I hate that word, as I hate hell, all Montagues, and thee. Have at thee, coward.   
  
(Attacks the man and even thought the script only called for a mild wounding and a fake death, Dumah runs the guy though, then cuts him in half just because that's Dumah for you. Well, that's the cue for the vampires and Sarafan actors to fight, and soon the stage is awash in real blood, not the fake stuff, and the audience is beginning to cheer for the warriors)  
  
Anamae: (Looks at the stage, then at the director who'd just managed to make Turel swallow that same liquid) Umm, you DID put chicken blood out there, right?  
  
Director: Honey, I don't put the chicken blood out. What you're seeing is the real thing! I never fake anything in the theatre.  
  
Anamae: Oh god. (Watches as some human blood falls on Mobieus) Aahahahaha, take that you horny old man!  
  
(Lord and Lady Capulet, Janos and Melchiah, rush out onto the stage)  
  
Janos: What is this noise? Wife, bring me my long sword, whoa!! (Slips on the blood and falls into two actors)  
  
Melchiah: A crutch, a crutch! Why you call for a sword! (Kneels down and picks up Janos) Do you really need a crutch? Your leg looks injured.  
  
(Catcalls and whistles to Melchiah, who begins to blush furiously. Obviously the costume looks too good on him)  
  
Janos: My sword, I say! Old Montague is come, and flourishes his blade in spite of me.  
  
(Enter Lord and Lady Montague, or Vorador and Umah. She's holding onto his arm as she moves along slightly unsteady. The Sarafan and Vampire warriors move off to the sides and stop their fighting…for the moment)  
  
Vorador: Thou villain Capulet! Hold me not; let me go wife!  
  
Umah: Thou shalt not stir one foot to seek a foe! (Whispers in his ear) Besides, I still can't see straight. You move off and I go tumbling down and I swear to God that I'll take you with me!  
  
(Fanfare from the speaker system; the Prince AKA Turel enters with his servants in tow)  
  
Turel: Rebellious subjects, enemies to peace,  
Profaners of this neighbour-stained steel--  
Will they not hear? What, ho! you men, you beasts,  
That quench the fire of your pernicious rage  
With purple fountains issuing from your veins,  
On pain of torture, from those bloody hands  
Throw your mistemper'd weapons to the ground,  
And hear the sentence of your moved prince.  
Three civil brawls, bred of an airy word,  
By thee, old Capulet, and Montague,  
Have thrice disturb'd the quiet of our streets,  
And made Verona's ancient citizens  
Cast by their grave beseeming ornaments,  
To wield old partisans, in hands as old,  
Canker'd with peace, to part your canker'd hate:  
If ever you disturb our streets again,  
Your lives shall pay the forfeit of the peace.  
For this time, all the rest depart away:  
You Capulet; shall go along with me:  
And, Montague, come you this afternoon,  
To know our further pleasure in this case,  
To old Free-town, our common judgment-place.  
Once more, on pain of death, all men depart.  
  
(Every other actor besides Lord and Lady Capulet and Lord and Lady Montague leave. The audience is now really getting into the hand of things, except Mobieus, who had tried to clean the blood off him but was hit with more by a certain authoress)  
  
Vorador: Who set this ancient quarrel new abroach?  
Speak, Prince, were you by when it began?  
  


Turel: Here were the servants of your adversary,  
And yours, close fighting ere I did approach:  
I drew to part them: in the instant came  
The fiery Tybalt, with his sword prepared,  
Which, as he breathed defiance to my ears,  
He swung about his head and cut the winds,  
Who nothing hurt withal hiss'd him in scorn:  
While we were interchanging thrusts and blows,  
Came more and more and fought on part and part,  
Till the prince came, who parted either part.  
  


Umah: O, where is Romeo? Saw you him to day?  
Right glad I am he was not at this fray.  
  


Turel: Madam, an hour before the worshipp'd sun  
Peer'd forth the golden window of the east,  
A troubled mind drave me to walk abroad;  
Where, underneath the grove of sycamore  
That westward rooteth from the city's side,  
So early walking did I see your son:  
Towards him I made, but he was ware of me  
And stole into the covert of the wood:  
I, measuring his affections by my own,  
That most are busied when they're most alone,  
Pursued my humour not pursuing his,  
And gladly shunn'd who gladly fled from me.  
  


Vorador: (Looks across to Umah, then gulps deeply and remembers his lines even if he doesn't understand the meaning of some) Many a morning hath he there been seen,  
With tears augmenting the fresh morning dew.  
Adding to clouds more clouds with his deep sighs;  
But all so soon as the all-cheering sun  
Should in the furthest east begin to draw  
The shady curtains from Aurora's bed,  
Away from the light steals home my heavy son,  
And private in his chamber pens himself,  
Shuts up his windows, locks far daylight out  
And makes himself an artificial night:  
Black and portentous must this humour prove,  
Unless good counsel may the cause remove.  
  
(Backstage, Kain was getting ready for his big entrance)  
  
Kain: So how do I look, Ariel?  
  
Ariel: Like I am really going to answer that. (Looks in the other direction)  
  
Anamae: I think you look very handsome, Kain. (Grins)  
  
Kain: I did not ask you. Aha, there is my cue. A star is born tonight! (Walks onstage as Vorador finishes the last of his lines. The vampires begin to cheer loudly while the Sarafan boo; fistfights begin to break out until the ushers settle both sides down, resulting in some 'minor' injuries and one death)  
  
Vorador: (Yelling to be heard over the audience) I would thou wert so happy by thy stay,  
to hear true shrift. Come, madam, let's away. (Umah and him walk off-stage, along with Melchiah dragging an injured Janos, leaving Turel and Kain standing side by side. Everyone quiets down)  
  
Turel: Good-morrow, dear friend.  
  
Kain: Is the day so young?   
  
(Looks over at Turel and waits for him to speak. Unfortunately, Turel forgot his lines at that point and looked at his father for help. Rolling his eyes, Kain continued his part, mentally reminding himself that he would hit Turel over the head afterwards for nearly ruining his performance)  
  
Kain: Ay me! Sad hours seem long.  
Was that my father that went hence so fast?  
  
(Turel has still forgotten his lines…and Kain gets a dangerous look in his eyes but then remembers that to understand the next line of 'Romeo' he will also have to speak Turel's. Being an actor is so hard, the master vampire thought)  
  
Kain: It was. What sadness lengthens my own hours? Not having that, which, having makes them short.  
  
Turel: (Eyes light up as he remembers his next line and gives an impressive grin. A few fan girls in the audience begin to swoon) In love? Of love?  
  
Kain: Out of her favour, where I am in love.  
  
Turel: I can completely understand that. One time-  
  
Kain: (Whispering) Those aren't your lines, idiot. Stick to the script! (Hand goes down to rest on Soul Reaver's pommel)  
  
Turel: Alas, that love, so gentle in his view,  
Should be so tyrannous and rough in proof!  
  
Kain: (Clears his throat and turns to face the audience. More fan girls begin to swoon and have to be held up by vampires/Sarafan) Alas, that love, whose view is muffled still,  
Should, without eyes, see pathways to his will!  
Where shall we dine? O me! What fray was here?  
Yet tell me not, for I have heard it all.  
Here's much to do with hate, but more with love.  
Why, then, O brawling love! O loving hate!  
O any thing, of nothing first create!  
O heavy lightness! serious vanity!  
Misshapen chaos of well-seeming forms!  
Feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire,  
sick health!  
Still-waking sleep, that is not what it is!  
This love feel I, that feel no love in this.  
Dost thou not laugh?  
  
Turel: Oh, I weep at such words!  
  
Kain: Good heart, at what?  
  
Turel: At thy good heart's oppression. Not like you have a good heart, but still-  
  
Kain: _Stick to the script!_ Why, such is love's transgression.  
Griefs of mine own lie heavy in my breast,  
Which thou wilt propagate, to have it prest  
With more of thine: this love that thou hast shown  
Doth add more grief to too much of mine own.  
Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs;  
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes;  
Being vex'd a sea nourish'd with lovers' tears:  
What is it else? A madness most discreet,  
a choking gall and a preserving sweet.  
Farewell, my prince.  
  
Turel: Tell me in sadness, who is that you love? Groan! Why, no.  
But sadly tell me who; on which mark do I hit?  
  
Kain: (Skips through a few of his lines and gets to his main speech; perhaps Ariel would be impressed by this!) Well, in that hit you miss: she'll not be hit  
With Cupid's arrow; she hath Dian's wit;  
And, in strong proof of chastity well arm'd,  
From love's weak childish bow she lives unharm'd.  
She will not stay the siege of loving terms,  
Nor bide the encounter of assailing eyes,  
Nor open her lap to saint-seducing gold:  
O, she is rich in beauty, only poor,  
That when she dies with beauty dies her store.  
She hath, and in that sparing makes huge waste,  
For beauty starved with her severity  
Cuts beauty off from all posterity.  
She is too fair, too wise, wisely too fair,  
To merit bliss by making me despair:  
She hath forsworn to love, and in that vow  
Do I live dead that live to tell it now.  
'Tis the way  
To call hers exquisite, in question more:  
These happy masks that kiss fair ladies' brows  
Being black put us in mind they hide the fair;  
He that is strucken blind cannot forget  
The precious treasure of his eyesight lost:  
Show me a mistress that is passing fair,  
What doth her beauty serve, but as a note  
Where I may read who pass'd that passing fair?  
Farewell: thou canst not teach me to forget.  
  
Turel: I'll pay that doctrine, or else die in debt.   
  
(Both exit the stage to the sounds of cheering from both sides now; even the humans have to admit that so far the play is doing well, despite a few lines missing here and there. Fan girls scream out Turel and Kain's names, try to rush the stage and are pushed back by the guards)  
  
(Backstage)  
  
Director: Brilliant! Just brilliant, Kain! Turel, why did you forget your lines?  
  
Turel: Well, I was looking in the audience and saw all those fan girls gazing at me with hungry eyes and the alcohol had made me forget a couple of things and loosened my tongue as well so-  
  
Dumah: Shut up!  
  
Director: Yes, be quiet. Janos, Malek! You two are up next in three minutes, be ready! (Walks off to check on Ariel and comes across an unconscious Zephon lying on the ground) Oh, crap! Anamae!  
  
Anamae: What, madam director?  
  
Director: Zephon tied his corset too tight; loosen it for him!  
  
Anamae: Yes ma'am! Now's my chance to shine! And see his chest too. (Gives a devilish look)  
  
(Off to Malek and Janos)  
  
Malek: Me me me, di so fa la ti so! Testing, one, two, three. Sing high, sing low. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?  
  
Janos: You don't need that to help you, Malek. Everyone can hear your voice just the way you are.  
  
Malek: Did you just insult me?  
  
Janos: No, I didn't. I am just saying…Malek, put the sword away. Don't stalk towards me like that. Get away from me. I have a court order for you to stay at least **ten** feet away from me at all time Malek! Oh shit! (Runs away from the Sarafan commander, leg still hurting slightly. Melchiah watches on but does nothing)  
  
(In the audience)  
  
Nupraptor: Excuse me, coming through. Sorry, if you will just move…Pardon me madam. Not my fault, please don't hit me with your purse - ouch! Mobieus! Did you save my seat? (The Guardian of the Mind sits down beside the Guardian of Time, who is holding some popcorn, three sodas and about fives boxes of Twix) So, did I miss anything?  
  
Mobieus: Nothing yet, except for those vampires skipping a few lines and such.  
  
Nupraptor: Has Ariel come up yet?  
  
Mobieus: She's in the next scene. Where have you been?  
  
Nupraptor: Buying myself some treats. Do you want a sip of my soda? Twix?  
  
Mobieus: No, I rather-Damn it Nupraptor! (The overflowing bag of popcorn with the hot butter has spilled onto the old man's lap)  
  
Nupraptor: Whatever. You didn't see that coming, Mr. I Control Time? (Receives a whack over the head from Mobieus' staff and is knocked out)  
  
Mobieus: Now I'll never get my suit cleaned!


	5. Act I, Scene II

Director: All right, now everyone get into his or her respective places. I want no foul ups here; this scene must go off on the proper foot. Malek, get your behind over here and Janos, stop flying about! You're going to get tangled in the ropes. Narrator?  
  
Anamae: Yes?  
  
Director: Well, get out there and introduce the audience to the next scene! (Takes a VERY big puff of smoke and then expels it) Ariel, you get ready as well. For God's sake, someone get Zephon to his feet.  
  
(Anamae walks onto the stage, while in the dark background and behind the curtain the stage crew is mobbing about the scenery, trying to get it up. Spotlight comes on)  
  
Anamae: And now we introduce to you, audience, to the Capulet household. Juliet, a young and tender girl, is of marrying age and many suitors court her. What will happen next, you ask? Now we ask you to be quiet, once again refrain from attacking your hated foes and mortal enemies, and enjoy the show. (Takes out a water pistol and hits Moebius with it when the old man leers at her again and gives her the thumbs up sign, then exits the stage)  
  
(Curtain rises, showing the white halls of the Capulet mansion with Janos/Lord Capulet walking down the walkway with Malek/Count Paris beside him. A servant walks behind, a little kid that looks no older than ten. Both Seraphim and Sarafan begin to cheer for their respective leaders. Popcorn flies through the air along with soda from the vampires to shut them up)  
  
Janos: (Makes a theatrical sigh and begins his speech) But Montague is bound as well as I, in penalty alike; and 'tis not hard, I think, for men so old as us to keep the peace.   
  
Malek: (Gives a look to Janos of pure evil and makes a slash across his throat that was most defiantly uncalled for in the script) Of honourable reckoning are you both and pity 'tis you lived at odds so long. But now, my lord, what say you to my question of before?  
  
Janos: But saying o'er what I have said before:  
My child is yet a stranger in the world;  
She hath not seen the change of fourteen years,  
Let two more summers wither in their pride,  
Ere we may think her ripe to be a bride.  
  
Malek: Younger than she are happy mothers made. I have seen girls of Juliet's age already with children, and so wish to have a family of my own.  
  
Vampire from the crowd: **THAT IS SO WRONG!!!** (Gets pelted with candy by the Sarafan)  
  
Janos: And too soon marr'd are those so early made.  
The earth hath swallow'd all my hopes but she,  
She is the hopeful lady of my earth:  
But woo her, gentle Paris, get her heart,  
My will to her consent is but a part;  
An she agree, within her scope of choice  
Lies my consent and fair according voice.  
This night I hold an old accustom'd feast,  
Whereto I have invited many a guest,  
Such as I love; and you, among the store,  
One more, most welcome, makes my number more.  
At my poor house look to behold this night  
Earth-treading stars that make dark heaven light:  
Such comfort as do lusty young men feel  
When well-apparell'd April on the heel  
Of limping winter treads, even such delight  
Among fresh female buds shall you this night  
Inherit at my house; hear all, all see,  
And like her most whose merit most shall be:  
Which on more view, of many mine being one  
May stand in number, though in reckoning none,  
Come, go with me.  
  
(Nupraptor leans over to Mobieus)  
  
Nupraptor: (loudly speaking) What the hell does he mean by that?  
  
Mobieus: He's going to hold a feast and let Juliet see Paris for the first time, just to see how they get along. God, don't you listen to a single word? Watch the soda!  
  
Nupraptor: Whatever.  
  
Some Seraphim seated behind them: Shush!  
  
Nupraptor: Shush yourself!  
  
Other Seraphim: Oh, both of you pipe down! I want to hear this nice story.  
  
Nupraptor: Shush yourself, you stupid winged being! (Mobieus rolls his eyes and covers his ears as best as he can. Out of all the people of Nosgoth, the idiot had to sit right next to him)  
  
(Back onstage; Janos gives the young actor a piece of paper, turning his back to Malek. The Sarafan commander tries VERY hard not to draw his blade and run Janos through, even if in the audience the Sarafan are giving the go-ahead)  
  
Janos: Go, sirrah, trudge about  
Through fair Verona; find those persons out  
Whose names are written there, and to them say,  
My house and welcome on their pleasure stay.  
  
Servant boy: Okay, mister. I'll go and tell the guests everything they need to know.   
  
(Runs off-stage and Malek with Janos exit. A horrible crash is then heard off-stage and a few black feathers fill the air. Curtain falls, backdrops are changed, and then the curtain rises again. Servant boy walking along a busy street)  
  
Servant boy: Okay, I've got the fishermen, the tailors, the tanners and the weavers. Check this person off, as well as this one and these two down here. And here and here and here. I don't know these people because I can't understand the writing so I'll just pass them off as sick or maimed.   
  
(Director slaps her forehead from backstage; the boy is not even remotely speaking Shakespearian English. Enter Kain with a new 'Benvolio' actor since Dumah killed the other one)  
  
Benvolio: (Actor looks terrified and hope he doesn't end up the same way as his predecessor) Tut, man, one fire burns out another's burning,  
One pain is lessen'd by another's anguish;  
Turn giddy, and be holp by backward turning;  
One desperate grief cures with another's languish:  
Take thou some new infection to thy eye,  
And the rank poison of the old will die. (Winces as he waits for the blow that will surely take his head off his shoulders)  
  
Kain: Your plaintain-leaf is excellent for that.  
  
Benvolio: Pray, for what my lord?  
  
Kain: For your broken shin.  
  
Benvolio: Are you mad, Romeo? You're always mad!  
  
Kain: Not mad, but bound more than a mad-man is;  
Shut up in prison, kept without my food,  
Whipp'd and tormented and--God-den, good fellow. (Stares down at the servant boy and licks his lips. Kain remembered he had forgotten to feed before coming onstage)  
  
Servant boy: Good day, sirs! Excuse me for asking, mister vampire with the hungry look in his eyes, but can you read?  
  
Kain: Ay, mine own fortune in my misery.  
  
Servant boy: Okay, whatever that means. Who are these people and where can I find them? Here. (Points at the paper)  
  
Kain: 'Signior Martino and his wife and daughters;  
County Anselme and his beauteous sisters; the lady  
widow of Vitravio; Signior Placentio and his lovely  
nieces; Mercutio and his brother Valentine; mine  
uncle Capulet, his wife and daughters; my fair niece  
Rosaline; Livia; Signior Valentio and his cousin  
Tybalt, Lucio and the lively Helena.' A fair  
assembly: whither should they come?  
  
Servant boy: Umm…I forgot!  
  
(Backstage the director is bashing her forehead on the ground. Why did she cast that child anyway?!)  
  
Benvolio: You can't remember? Maybe it's at the C-A-P-U-L-E-T-S household.  
  
Kain: (Whispering) You idiot, the boy really can't read. How the hell can he spell then if he never even went to basic grammar school? (Turns to child) Did this come from a noble house?  
  
Servant boy: _OH YEAH!_ Now I remember. This came from the Capulets! The dad wants to throw a big party of sorts and wants all the people to come. There will be tons of food and enough drink for everyone! Except the Montagues, but if you're not one of them, then you're welcome to stop by! Thank you and see you later!!!  
  
(Rushes off-stage, hits something and a few female actors in the back changing rooms scream)  
  
Benvolio: At this same ancient feast of Capulet's  
Sups the fair Rosaline whom thou so lovest,  
With all the admired beauties of Verona:  
Go thither; and, with unattainted eye,  
Compare her face with some that I shall show,  
And I will make thee think thy swan a crow.  
  
Kain: When the devout religion of mine eye  
Maintains such falsehood, then turn tears to fires;  
And these, who often drown'd could never die,  
Transparent heretics, be burnt for liars!  
One fairer than my love! the all-seeing sun  
Ne'er saw her match since first the world begun.  
  
(Fan girls sigh and start fainting again. And again and again and again – really, they're going down like flies)  
  
Benvolio: Tut, you saw her fair, none else being by,  
Herself poised with herself in either eye:  
But in that crystal scales let there be weigh'd  
Your lady's love against some other maid  
That I will show you shining at this feast,  
And she shall scant show well that now shows best.  
  
Kain: I'll go along, no such sight to be shown,  
But to rejoice in splendour of mine own.  
  
(Both walk off-stage and Scene 2 is finished. Of course as Kain looks for the young boy for 'supper' he sees the director throttling him, Melchiah, Rahab, Zephon and Anamae playing poker for candy and money, actors rushing about in costumes or lack of, and the ever-present sound and lights coordinators. Still no sign of Ariel)  
  
Kain: Damn, she missed my performance! But the next scene will come, a come very soon! I will show her just how serious I truly feel about the former Guardian of Balance and-  
  
Raziel: Uh, Kain, her boyfriend is in the audience. See? (Points through the curtain to Nupraptor, who is in a shushing war with a Seraphim or three)  
  
Kain: But I beheaded him! That's impossible!!!  
  
Raziel: Not impossible to the authoress.   
  
Kain: (Rolls up his sleeves and walked over to Anamae) We'll see about that!


	6. Act I, Scene III

Director: All right, Kain if you would stop choking Anamae for a moment for her to go out and introduce the next scene, the faster you'll see Ariel! (Kain drops Anamae, who crawls away from him weakly and towards the stage) Melchiah, Zephon, Ariel, you guys are up next! Darlings, get ready!!!! Thirty seconds!  
  
(Anamae weakly comes onstage, still rubbing her throat. Moebius, seeing his chance to finally get close to the girl, tries to go upstage to help her but is 'accidentally' kicked in the chin. Nupraptor grabs his friend and drags him back into his seat)  
  
Anamae: And now…a scene from inside the Capulet mansion. The nurse…comes to tell…Juliet…of what fate has in…store for…her. (Collapses onstage; Malek comes out quickly and drags said authoress by the arms into the wings. Curtain rises, showing a beautiful room overlooking a garden. Enter Melchiah and Zephon with more catcalls and whistles following them)  
  
Melchiah: (Haughty look on his face; for once he can order about his older brother) Nurse, where's my daughter? Call her forth to me.  
  
Zephon: (Whispering) Whatever, you overdressed tart. I can't believe I'm doing this. (Normal voice, all high and shrill. Melchiah winces) Now, by my maidenhead, at twelve year old, I bade her come. What, lamb! What, ladybird!  
God forbid! Where's this girl? What, Juliet!  
  
Ariel: How now? Who calls? (Floats in wearing a lovely blue dress and even the side of her face that's a skull cannot make her lose her beauty)  
  
Nupraptor: YEAH! That's my girlfriend! Go, Ariel, GO! (Jumps up from his seat and begins to wave about wildly until someone with a very good aim nailed the Guardian of the Mind with a soda bottle, causing him to be K.O.'d)  
  
Zephon: Your mother calls, dear child. (Looks off into the wings and sees Kain; Zephon gives a leer and a wink at his father who proceeds to grab the nearest stagehand and break the human over his leg)  
  
Ariel: Madam, I am here. What is your will? (Looks out into the audience and shakes her head at the unconscious form of Nupraptor)  
  
Melchiah: (Tries a very HIGH voice to annoy Zephon) This is the matter:--Nurse, give leave awhile, We must talk in secret:--nurse, come back again;  
I have remember'd me, thou's hear our counsel.  
Thou know'st my daughter's of a pretty age. (Thinking) This girl stuff is really personal; I can't believe I'm saying this. Raziel would be better at this)  
  
Zephon: Faith, I can tell her age unto an hour.  
  
Melchiah: She's not fourteen. But seriously Ariel, for a young woman of three thousand, you look absolutely beautiful. Ah! (Rubs forehead where Zephon smacked him with the back of his claws)  
  
Zephon: Damnit, just stay with the script and this will all be over faster! I'll lay fourteen of my teeth,-- And yet, to my teeth be it spoken, I have but four--  
She is not fourteen. How long is it now  
To Lammas-tide? What the hell is Lammas-tide?  
  
Melchiah: A fortnight and odd days. And Lammas-tide is something like the Summer Solstice, a big party for everyone to join in together. (Gives a condescending smile to Zephon to show how much he knows)  
  
Zephon: Even or odd, of all days in the year,  
Come Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteen.  
Susan and she--God rest all Christian souls!--  
Were of an age: well, Susan is with God;  
She was too good for me: but, as I said,  
On Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteen;  
That shall she, marry; I remember it well.  
'Tis since the earthquake now eleven years;  
And she was wean'd,--I never shall forget it,--  
Of all the days of the year, upon that day:  
For I had then laid wormwood to my dug,  
Sitting in the sun under the dove-house wall;  
My lord and you were then at Mantua:--  
Nay, I do bear a brain:--but, as I said,  
When it did taste the wormwood on the nipple  
Of my dug and felt it bitter, pretty fool,  
To see it tetchy and fall out with the dug!  
Shake quoth the dove-house: 'twas no need, I trow,  
To bid me trudge…  
  
Sarafan in audience: OH SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Zephon: You shut you, up stupid human. I still have more lines to go through, and you better listen and enjoy it! (Snaps fingers and Zephonim vampires spin a cocoon about the Sarafan and tie him to the ceiling) As I was saying…. And since that time it is eleven years;  
For then she could stand alone; nay, by the rood,  
She could have run and waddled all about;  
For even the day before, she broke her brow:  
And then my husband--God be with his soul!  
A' was a merry man--took up the child:  
'Yea,' quoth he, 'dost thou fall upon thy face?  
Thou wilt fall backward when thou hast more wit;  
Wilt thou not, Jule?' and, by my holidame,  
The pretty wretch left crying and said 'Ay.'  
To see, now, how a jest shall come about!  
I warrant, an I should live a thousand years,  
I never should forget it: 'Wilt thou not, Jule?' quoth he;  
And, pretty fool, it stinted and said 'Ay.'  
  
Melchiah: Enough of this; I pray thee, hold thy peace.  
  
Melchiahim vampire in left row: THANK YOU!!!!! FINALLY, HE CAN SHUT UP!  
  
(Zephon gives a dirty glare at the young fledgling and all of the sudden it explodes, causing pieces of body parts and smoke to fill the theatre. No one talked after that…at least until the next scene)  
  
Ariel: And stint thou too, I pray thee, nurse, say I. (Small clapping is heard from the Sarafan)  
  
Zephon: Peace, I have done. God mark thee to his grace!  
Thou wast the prettiest babe that e'er I nursed:  
An I might live to see thee married once,  
I have my wish.  
  
Melchiah: Marry, that 'marry' is the very theme  
I came to talk of. Tell me, daughter Juliet,  
How stands your disposition to be married? Hey Ariel, can I go out with you for a cup of coffee after this is all over?  
  
Ariel: (Gives Melchiah a look and starts her lines, casting her eyes downwards and looking very meek) It is an honour that I dream not of.  
  
Kain: (Offstage) YES! She doesn't want to get married to anyone but me. No, don't pull me back Dumah, Raziel…stop tickling me…hehehe, no stop - ahahahaha.  
  
Melchiah: Yes, whatever. Well, think of marriage now; younger than you,  
Here in Verona, ladies of esteem,  
Are made already mothers: by my count,  
I was your mother much upon these years  
That you are now a maid. Thus then in brief:  
The valiant Paris seeks you for his love.  
  
Zephon: Malek and Ariel? I've seen some pretty bad couples, but those two take the cake! Who the hell was- (Zephon's foot was stomped on by Melchiah's and his high heels while Ariel jabbed him in the back with her fan. Says the next lines in a very high voice) A man, young lady! Lady, such a man  
As all the world--why, he's a man of wax.  
  
(Backstage)  
  
Kain: I do not have to be tied down!  
  
Rahab: Sorry father, but orders are orders. We can't have you going into the audience and killing Nupraptor.  
  
Kain: But Zephon killed those two other people.  
  
Dumah: They had it coming to them!  
  
Kain: Would you at least get off me? There's no reason to sit on me, you stupid son of mine!!!  
  
Raziel: Director's orders, dad. Dumah, you might want to move a little over to the left. The way you were sitting before, it looked kind of…gay.  
  
Dumah: I'm not gay.  
  
Raziel: I didn't say that!  
  
Dumah: I'll kill you! (Jumps off of Kain, takes out his sword and chases after Raziel) Just warming up for our fight scene, dear brother!  
  
Rahab: Why couldn't I of been an only child?  
  
Kain: Because. Hey, is Ariel up there? Can you see her?  
  
Rahab: Yes dad.   
  
Kain: Good, good. Just make sure Zephon doesn't move in too close; that's my job later on in this play.  
  
(Back onstage)  
  
Melchiah: What say you? can you love the gentleman?  
This night you shall behold him at our feast;  
Read o'er the volume of young Paris' face,  
And find delight writ there with beauty's pen;  
Examine every married lineament,  
And see how one another lends content  
And what obscured in this fair volume lies  
Find written in the margent of his eyes.  
This precious book of love, this unbound lover,  
To beautify him, only lacks a cover:  
The fish lives in the sea, and 'tis much pride  
For fair without the fair within to hide:  
That book in many's eyes doth share the glory,  
That in gold clasps locks in the golden story;  
So shall you share all that he doth possess,  
By having him, making yourself no less. It's a damn good deal, Juliet!  
  
Ariel: I'll look to like, if looking liking move:  
But no more deep will I endart mine eye  
Than your consent gives strength to make it fly.  
  
(Servant comes in)  
  
Servant: Umm the party, it's, ummm, starting, like now! (Walks past Melchaih and punches him in the gut; audience cannot see the blow) That was from Lord Kain to you. (Servant leaves)  
  
Melchiah: (Wheezing) We follow thee! Juliet, the count awaits. Make haste and do not be late!  
  
(Curtain falls. In the audience the Sarafan in the ceiling is trying to be cut down by his friends, while the Melchiahim vampires look for the pieces of their friend. A couple of ushers are moving up and down the aisles and try to restore order, but it doesn't seem to be working. Moebius is still rubbing his chin when he hears a voice he didn't want to hear)  
  
Dejoule: Well, how much of this play did I miss? (Grabs Nupraptor out of his seat and takes his place)  
  
Moebius: Hello, Dejoule. How are you? (Shudders inwardly)  
  
Dejoule: Did that bitch Ariel come up already?  
  
Kain: (Backstage) _WHO DID I HEAR BEING CALLED WHAT?!_  
  
Moebius: Please don't get Kain to come over here. I've been hit by blood and have had popcorn thrown onto me with hot butter, as well as have Nupraptor have enough fights started here that got me hit instead of him. And I was kicked in the chin.  
  
Dejoule: Like I really give a care. I am here to see Vorador and beat the ever-loving hell out of him.  
  
Moebius: Why?  
  
Dejoule: He stood me up! What's so funny, you old man? Hey, I'm talking to you!  
  
  
(Backstage -  Kain has had the ropes cut off of him, Raziel is still being chased by Dumah and now has a torn legging, Melchiah and Zephon are punching and hitting each other with their props, and Rahab is bemoaning his double character. Turel is already hitting on some of the make-up women, to little success. Ariel floats over to Kain and looks at him)  
  
Ariel: Well, the next scene we meet.  
  
Kain: That we do.  
  
(Uncomfortable silence)  
  
Kain: See you then.  
  
Ariel: I suppose so. Just don't try anything funny; my fiancée is out in the audience.  
  
Kain: The one that's getting all the beatings and looks like he's dead? The one on the floor over there. (Points; Ariel covers her face with her hands)  
  
Ariel: Oh damn, why did I invite him?  
  
Anamae: Because he's your boyfriend. (Pops up out of nowhere, as is it her speciality)   
  
Kain: Get outta here before I kick you.  
  
Anamae: Will do, jackass! (Grabs a hat and drops it over her, making her somehow vanish)

Kain: _Jackass?!_  
  
Ariel: And she's the narrator and authoress? Do I even want to know what will happen next? Oh damn, Dejoule's in the audience, and there's Mortanius as well. This could get interesting very shortly…  
  
Dumah: (Walking by) Dum de dum dum DUM!!!!!!!


	7. Act I, Scene IV & V

Director: Darlings, darlings, everyone come here! (Waves hands around and waits for everyone to circle about her. When no one does or even listens to her, she bashes her foot into the ground) **HEY!** Everyone get over here now! (Everyone does, crowding around her)  
  
Kain: What's the problem?  
  
Director: As everyone knows, the crowd is getting restless! (Parts the curtain for every actor to see the Sarafan and vampires and Seraphim beginning to fight; Mortanius and Bane have just entered and they're trying to get their own seats; ushers are being ripped in half and thrown through the air along with refreshments and umbrellas)  
  
Vorador: That cannot be good.  
  
Anamae: Duh.  
  
Vorador: Shut up, whelp! So what are you planning to do then, director?  
  
Director: We're going to place both scenes 4 and 5 together so Act 1 will be over quickly and everyone can go out to stretch their legs during intermission!  
  
(Collective groans from the actors)  
  
Raziel: Are you insane? Do you even know what could possible happen?! I have to go out there for my cue and I do not want to foul up!  
  
Ariel: Neither do I!  
  
Melchiah: What happens if we lose our lines and we all mess up!!! Imagine what could happen then!  
  
Anamae: Well, there have been some parts where we've fouled up but it seems to be working quite well! (Malek turns to her)  
  
Malek: You have no real part in this play other than to speak of the next scene. You do not know the pressures put upon us, child!  
  
Anamae: Child?! (Gets angry)  
  
Rahab: At least I can still sit this act out. (Wanders off since he doesn't care to be part of a fight)  
  
Malek: Yes, you're a child! You shouldn't even be here at all, but out there in the crowd next to that HORNY toad Moebius!  
  
All the others actors: _Oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh!!!_  
  
Anamae: I resent that! I'll kill you! (Runs at Malek and grabs him by the throat and begins to choke him to the best of her ability)  
  
Vorador: (Pushes her aside and takes over) No, you're hands are to weak girl!  
  
Umah: Pound the hell out of him, Vorador!   
  
Janos: I really don't think we should be doing this with only thirty seconds to the next scene!  
  
Ariel: Malek, kick him in the groin! _The groin_!!!!  
  
Kain: That's low!!!! Dumah, pin Malek down while I kick him in the gut! This is for when your character Paris tries to take Juliet away from Romeo!  
  
Malek: It's a play, you stupid vampire, and not real life! Ahh, that hurts, you moron!   
  
(Soon the scene has changed from one of actors worrying over the next scene to one of Malek being chocked by Vorador, pinned down by Dumah and Kain kicking the Guardian of Conflict in his stomach. Everyone has also begun to place bets as more of the Sarafan race in to help their commander; sounds of the struggle are heard in the audience, which has gone quiet to hear the actors)  
  
Director: Stop, everyone stop or you'll ruin everything! (Runs into the fight. No one really knew what happened next, but someone either kicked or hit the director and she was knocked out on the ground. Silence descends)  
  
Anamae: _Shit_.  
  
Turel: What do we do now?  
  
Anamae: Well, the show must go ahead! (Everyone looks at her) And I declare myself the new director until the knocked out director comes back to consciousness! After all, I am the authoress and it is only right that I take over at the moment! I'm the sanest person here tonight because I had coffee and beer mixed together!  
  
(Everyone screams and runs away with Anamae chasing after them)  
  
Anamae: Places everyone, places! Raziel, Kain and the peasant dude playing Benvolio, get your butts out there! Scenery, get ready! Ariel, touch on the makeup and Dumah you can get off of Malek now, the fight is over! All right, the opening to scenes 4 and 5! Places everyone!  
  
* * *  
  
(A street outside the Capulet mansion. Sounds of a party beginning are heard within and Raziel, Kain and Benvolio come out from the wings, also with extra actors carrying torches to add to the night effect. The crowd quietens as the play 'Romeo and Juliet' take up once again. The fan girls begin to giggle as they see Raziel dressed in his good-looking costume and Kain just looking so…. disturbingly romantic)  
  
Raziel: What, shall this speech be spoke for our excuse?  
Or shall we on without an apology? (Gives a grin to the crowd; Kain slaps him upside the head for stealing his thunder)  
  
Benvolio: The date is out of such prolixity:  
We'll have no Cupid hoodwink'd with a scarf,  
Bearing a Tartar's painted bow of lath,  
Scaring the ladies like a crow-keeper;  
Nor no without-book prologue, faintly spoke  
After the prompter, for our entrance:  
But let them measure us by what they will;  
We'll measure them a measure, and be gone.  
  
Kain: Basically do we all have our costumes in place and don't look like idiots? (Looks very nervous as the scene of him meeting 'Juliet' gets closer and closer) Give me a torch: I am not for this ambling; Being but heavy, I will bear the light.  
  
Raziel: Nay, gentle Romeo, we must have you dance. (Laughter from the Sarafan. Kain waves a hand in their direction and his spell 'Flay' takes effect. Over the screams)  
  
Kain: Not I believe me: you have dancing shoes  
With nimble soles: I have a soul of lead  
So stakes me to the ground I cannot move.  
  
Raziel: You are a lover; borrow Cupid's wings,  
And soar with them above a common bound.  
  
Kain: I am too sore enpierced with his shaft  
To soar with his light feathers, and so bound,  
I cannot bound a pitch above dull woe:  
Under love's heavy burden do I sink.  
  
Raziel: (Going out of character) Oh for the love of the Dark Gods, for once in your life Romeo actually do something instead of mopping on and on about it. I am not going to pull you out of the gutter!  
  
Kain: Is love a tender thing? it is too rough,  
Too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn.  
  
Raziel: If love be rough with you, be rough with love;  
Prick love for pricking, and you beat love down.  
Give me a case to put my visage in:  
A visor for a visor! what care I  
What curious eye doth quote deformities?  
Here are the beetle brows shall blush for me.  
  
Benvolio: Come, knock and enter; and no sooner in,  
But every man betake him to his legs.  
  
Kain: A torch for me: let wantons light of heart  
Tickle the senseless rushes with their heels,  
For I am proverb'd with a grandsire phrase;  
I'll be a candle-holder, and look on.  
The game was ne'er so fair, and I am done.  
  
Raziel: (Moves towards the entrance to the mansion, waving his torch above his head) Tut, dun's the mouse, the constable's own word:  
If thou art dun, we'll draw thee from the mire  
Of this sir-reverence love, wherein thou stick'st  
Up to the ears. Come, we burn daylight, ho!   
  
Kain: And we mean well in going to this mask;  
But 'tis no wit to go.  
  
Raziel: Why, may one ask?  
  
Kain: I dream'd a dream to-night.  
  
Raziel: And so did I.  
  
Kain: What was yours about? (Whispering) Not about that fledgling you have the massive crush on, am I right?  
  
Raziel: O, then, I see Queen Mab hath been with you.  
She is the fairies' midwife, and she comes  
In shape no bigger than an agate-stone  
On the fore-finger of an alderman,  
Drawn with a team of little atomies  
Athwart men's noses as they lie asleep;  
Her wagon-spokes made of long spiders' legs,  
The cover of the wings of grasshoppers,  
The traces of the smallest spider's web,  
The collars of the moonshine's watery beams,  
Her whip of cricket's bone, the lash of film,  
Her wagoner a small grey-coated gnat,  
Not so big as a round little worm  
Prick'd from the lazy finger of a maid;  
Her chariot is an empty hazel-nut  
Made by the joiner squirrel or old grub,  
  
Turelim vampire: Get on with the story!!!!! We don't care for fairies, unless they happen to be half-naked and looking damn fine!  
  
Raziel: Time out o' mind the fairies' coachmakers.  
And in this state she gallops night by night  
Through lovers' brains, and then they dream of love;  
O'er courtiers' knees, that dream on court'sies straight,  
O'er lawyers' fingers, who straight dream on fees,  
O'er ladies ' lips, who straight on kisses dream,  
Which oft the angry Mab with blisters plagues,  
Because their breaths with sweetmeats tainted are:  
Sometime she gallops o'er a courtier's nose,  
And then dreams he of smelling out a suit;  
And sometime comes she with a tithe-pig's tail  
Tickling a parson's nose as a' lies asleep,  
Then dreams, he of another benefice:  
Sometime she driveth o'er a soldier's neck,  
And then dreams he of cutting foreign throats,  
Of breaches, ambuscadoes, Spanish blades,  
Of healths five-fathom deep; and then anon  
Drums in his ear, at which he starts and wakes,  
And being thus frighted swears a prayer or two  
And sleeps again. This is that very Mab  
That plats the manes of horses in the night,  
And bakes the elflocks in foul sluttish hairs,  
Which once untangled, much misfortune bodes:  
This is the hag, when maids lie on their backs,  
That presses them and learns them first to bear,  
Making them women of good carriage:  
This is she-  
  
(Out of nowhere and to lighten the mood comes this little black fairie on a chariot; screaming about the room the Queen Mab runs amok through the theatre until one Sarafan grabs her, then passes the queen over to a Seraphim and places her in a bottle. Everyone goes back to watching the show, not listening to the little fairie queen about how she will seek her vengeance upon them)  
  
Benvolio: Man Mercutio that is one messed up dream!  
  
Kain: Peace, Mercutio, peace and tell no more of your dream, even if they truly mean nothing at all!  
  
Raziel: True, I talk of dreams,  
Which are the children of an idle brain,  
Begot of nothing but vain fantasy,  
Which is as thin of substance as the air  
And more inconstant than the wind, who wooes  
Even now the frozen bosom of the north,  
And, being anger'd, puffs away from thence,  
Turning his face to the dew-dropping south.  
  
Kain: I fear, too early: for my mind misgives  
Some consequence yet hanging in the stars  
Shall bitterly begin his fearful date  
With this night's revels and expire the term  
Of a despised life closed in my breast  
By some vile forfeit of untimely death.  
But He, that hath the steerage of my course,  
Direct my sail! On, lusty gentlemen.  
  
Benvolio: To the party!  
  
(All enter into the mansion and in a feat of special effects and a bunch of other stunning stuff, the scene changes to the Capulet party, where everyone is walking around in costumes that took too long to make and servants walking around with real food that everyone is grabbing for. A hallway in the Capulet household. Janos, Ariel and servants meeting the guests and maskers)  
  
Janos: (Looking very dashing in his outfit and the Seraphim give a big cheer for the last of their race; Vorador also claps his hands off-stage and Anamae pokes him in the side for him to be quiet, which then turns into the vampire throwing her across the wing and onto Rahab's lap, but then she's not complaining) Welcome, gentlemen! Ladies that have their toes  
Unplagued with corns will have a bout with you.  
Ah ha, my mistresses! Which of you all  
Will now deny to dance? She that makes dainty,  
She, I'll swear, hath corns; am I come near ye now?  
Welcome, gentlemen! I have seen the day  
That I have worn a visor and could tell  
A whispering tale in a fair lady's ear,  
Such as would please: 'tis gone, 'tis gone, 'tis gone:  
You are welcome, gentlemen! Come, musicians, play.  
A hall, a hall! Give room! And foot it, girls.  
  
Fan girl number 1: I'll dance with you Janos!  
  
Fan girl number 2: No, me, pick me you stud!!!! (Both girls begin to fight and one of the few ushers goes to break it up. Back to the play)  
  
Janos: Feast, drink, dance! More light, you knaves; and turn the tables up,  
And quench the fire, the room is grown too hot.  
Ah, sirrah, this unlook'd-for sport comes well.  
Nay, sit, nay, sit, good cousin Capulet;  
For you and I are past our dancing days:  
How long is't now since last yourself and I  
Were in a mask?  
  
Sarafan acting as Capulet member: (Kind of scared standing next to the scourge of Nosgoth and had slowly reaching for his dagger) By'r sir, thirty years.  
  
Janos: What, man! 'tis not so much, 'tis not so much:  
'Tis since the nuptials of Lucentio,  
Come pentecost as quickly as it will,  
Some five and twenty years; and then we masked.  
  
(Kain walks into the hall and stops a servant)  
  
Kain: What lady is that, which doth  
enrich the hand of yonder knight?  
  
Servant: I dunno, mister. I just work here part-time.  
  
(Anamae bashes her head against the wall and begins to understand the director's stress. Some people just couldn't learn proper grammar, couldn't learn lines and...that boy would be trucked back to the orphanage very quickly)  
  
Kain: O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!  
It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night  
Like a rich jewel in an Ethiope's ear;  
Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear!  
So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows,  
As yonder lady o'er her fellows shows.  
The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand,  
And, touching hers, make blessed my rude hand.  
Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight!  
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.  
  
(Dumah/Tybalt walks onstage, sword always at the ready and a grim look on his face)  
  
Dumah: This, by his voice, should be a Montague.  
Fetch me my rapier, boy. What dares the slave  
Come hither, cover'd with an antic face,  
To fleer and scorn at our solemnity?  
Now, by the stock and honour of my kin,  
To strike him dead, I hold it not a sin.  
  
Janos: (Stops Dumah) Why, how now, kinsman! Wherefore storm you so?  
  
Dumah: The toilet, where else old man? Uncle, this is a Montague, our foe,  
A villain that is hither come in spite,  
To scorn at our solemnity this night.  
  
Janos: Young Romeo is it? Content thee, gentle coz, let him alone;  
He bears him like a portly gentleman;  
And, to say truth, Verona brags of him  
To be a virtuous and well-govern'd youth:  
I would not for the wealth of all the town  
Here in my house do him disparagement:  
Therefore be patient, take no note of him:  
It is my will, the which if thou respect,  
Show a fair presence and put off these frowns,  
And ill-beseeming semblance for a feast.  
  
Dumah: Then I shall not be present here as long as a villain lies within this household.  
  
Janos: He shall be endured:  
What, Goodman boy! I say, he shall: go to;  
Am I the master here, or you? go to.  
You'll not endure him! God shall mend my soul!  
You'll make a mutiny among my guests!  
You'll be the man!  
  
Dumah: Why, uncle, 'tis a shame.  
  
Janos: Go to, go to;  
You are a saucy boy: is't so, indeed?  
This trick may chance to scathe you, I know what:  
You must contrary me! marry, 'tis time.  
Well said, my hearts! You are a princox; go:  
Be quiet, or--More light, more light! For shame!  
I'll make you quiet. What, cheerly, my hearts!  
  
Dumah: Then I shall gladly go from your halls, dear uncle of mine. (Walks off-stage, but in a flash of improve not called for in the script, Dumah trips a servant with wine, sending the red liquid splashing onto Melchiah's dress. Exits with a maniacal grin)  
  
(Kain and Ariel move along their respective paths on the stage until they meet each other. Music cues from the speakers as each give one another a long look. Nupraptor, who has now just woken up on the floor, sees the meaning in Kain's eyes and begins to get angry)  
  
Nupraptor: Oh hell, he's not going to move in on my girl! I'll show him- (Collapses onto the floor again after Mortanius and Moebius bashed him over the head with their staffs)  
  
Dejoule: (Whispering) Is he always like that?  
  
Bane: Worse. Oh, here it comes, here it comes! (Back onstage)  
  
Kain: If I profane with my unworthiest hand  
This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this:  
My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand  
To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.  
  
Ariel: Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much,  
Which mannerly devotion shows in this;  
For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch,  
And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss. (Takes Kain's hand a kisses it. The smile that comes across his face is in fact real and not made up)  
  
Kain: Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?  
  
Ariel: Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.  
  
Kain: O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do;  
They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.  
  
Ariel: Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake.  
  
Kain: Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take.  
Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged.  
  
Ariel: (Beginning to blush as well but unaware of the effect) Then have my lips the sin that they have took.  
  
Kain: Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged!  
Give me my sin again.  
  
Ariel: You kiss by the book.  
  
(Zephon/Nurse breezes in and with more force than intended pushes Kain out of the way and stands in front of Ariel)  
  
Zephon: Madam, your mother craves a word with you.  
  
Kain: (Thinking thoughts of revenge against his son) What is her mother?  
  
Zephon: Marry, bachelor,  
Her mother is the lady of the house,  
And a good lady, and a wise and virtuous  
I nursed her daughter, that you talk'd withal;  
I tell you, he that can lay hold of her  
Shall have the chinks.  
  
Kain: Oh, another suitor, I see. Is she a Capulet?  
O dear account! My life is my foe's debt.  
  
(Benvolio quickly comes to his friend's aid)  
  
Benvolio: Away, begone; the sport is at the best.  
  
Kain: Ay, so I fear; the more is my unrest.  
  
Janos: (Walks up with a wine glass but that's no blood inside) Nay, gentlemen, prepare not to be gone;  
We have a trifling foolish banquet towards.  
Is it e'en so? why, then, I thank you all  
I thank you, honest gentlemen; good night.  
More torches here! Come on then, let's to bed.  
Ah, sirrah, by my fay, it waxes late:  
I'll to my rest.  
  
(Everyone follows Janos towards the banquet hall itself, leaving Zephon and Ariel onstage alone)  
  
Some Sarafan: You better not talk too much, nurse!!! Cuz if you do then you'll- (Doesn't finish sentence as another Zephonim vampire spins the guy into a web and sticks him to the wall)  
  
Zephon: Much better.   
  
Ariel: Come hither, nurse. What is yond gentleman?  
  
Zephon: (High-pitched voice) The son and heir of old Tiberio.  
  
Ariel: What's he that now is going out of door? What's he that follows there, that would not dance?  
  
Zephon: I know nothing of it, young lady.  
  
Ariel: Go ask his name: if he be married.  
My grave is like to be my wedding bed.  
  
Zephon: My, have you a flair for the dramatic. His name is Romeo, and a Montague;  
The only son of your great enemy.  
  
Ariel: (Places a hand to her forehead) My only love sprung from my only hate!  
Too early seen unknown, and known too late!  
Prodigious birth of love it is to me,  
That I must love a loathed enemy.  
  
Zephon: What is this? What have you to speak?  
  
Ariel: A rhyme I learn'd even now  
Of one I danced withal.  
  
(At this point the director was suppose to say 'Juliet, come hither' from off in the wings, but Anamae feels that the play is lacking something and on a dare from Turel says what she thinks should be said)  
  
Anamae: (Offstage) JULIET! Get your ass in here, girl!!!!! (Dissolves into laughter with Turel)   
  
Zephon: And this is where everything begins to fall apart. (Walks offstage with Ariel and the curtains fall)  
  
* * *  
  
Ariel: What the hell was that? You ruined the whole moment!  
  
Anamae: Well, it needed some spice!  
  
Turel: Yeah, give the authoress a break!   
  
Ariel: And how is the director coming along?  
  
Rahab: (Walks by with a cold compress and a book) She hasn't woken up yet. And I still can't believe that I'm a friar and poisoner rolled into one. What would the real church think about this?  
  
Melchiah: Ariel, we need your help! Kain and Malek are back to fighting each other again and this time they're using weapons and hostages! I don't think the stange mice can survive the encounters – they're so tiny!  
  
Ariel: Very well.  
  
(Umah walks up to Anamae)  
  
Umah: You should tell everyone now that they can go out to get their snacks or go to the bathroom. Intermission, director-for-the-moment.  
  
Anamae: Oh yeah! I'll be back! (Rushed through the curtains and slides onto the stage. Spotlight comes on) People, people, this is the end of _Act 1_. Now you may leave your seats for the twenty-minute intermission to go to the washroom or to get some food. But we ask all vampires in the theatre hall not to walk across the street and prey on the Children's Daycare Centre and that the Sarafan restrain from killing the vampires. Thank you!  
  
(Everyone piles out of their seats in an undignified matter and crams out of the doors. Only Moebius and the knocked out Nupraptor are left)  
  
Moebius: And excellent play so far, young lady. Of course I believe the special effects have worked too well as I am covered in the props from this play. But I am sure this was all accidental. (Motions to the blood, popcorn, guts, water and soda strewn over his clothing)  
  
Anamae: Not really. But then you're the Guardian of Time so I'm sure you will see what's going to happen next to you.  
  
Moebius: Not really.  
  
Anamae: Then you'll have to wait. (Walks backstage)  
  
Sarafan cocooned to the walls: Help!!! Someone help us! Anybody, somebody! Little help?


	8. Intermission

(Waiting in like at the food booths are three guardians of the Pillars, along with too many vampires, Sarafan and Seraphim to count just because I am one lazy authoress...and my math is less than stellar)  
  
Bane: All right Dejoule, let's go and get some popcorn, but none of that soda because I always pay for it.  
  
Dejoule: Very well. But I want to know how that bitch Ariel managed to get the part of Juliet when I wasn't able to? (Shoe comes out of nowhere and hits the Guardian of Energy on her head; sounds of Kain laughing are heard)  
  
Mortanius: That was not of my doing.  
  
Bane: Why didn't you try out when you had the chance? They had posters and flyers strewn all over Nosgoth for the past month; no one could have missed it. Washroom stalls, inside newspapers, on 50 foot billboards, and even bunnies handing out the flyers.  But then you were in Dark Eden playing around with Anacrothe so-  
  
Dejoule: Oh shut the hell up! (Taps the Sarafan in front of her) Buddy, why isn't the line moving?  
  
Random Sarafan: Because the guy at the head of the line cannot make up his mind on what to buy, lady. And I have waited just as long as you have and I am not moving!  
  
Dejoule: Argh! Bane, go and see who's causing the damn stop in the line!  
  
Bane: But I might lose my place in line!  
  
Mortanius: We'll hold it for you.  
  
Bane: Yeah right, just as you single-handedly conspired to kill us all. (Dejoule gives Bane a very dangerous look) Fine, FINE! I'm going! (stomps off)  
  
Mortanius: You have quite a way with people, Dejoule.  
  
(Bane walks past the large and long line, which stretches from the entrance doors of the theatre and winds around the halls, stairs and more halls that lead off to other places and…it was a long walk for the Druid but he finally got to the head of the line, where standing there was the authoress' own brainchild, Suzu as well as the jumping vampire Faustus ^-^)  
  
Suzu: Hmm, should I have the popcorn with the cheese or the Puff Power Pocky? So many decisions, so many decisions and so many delicious treats to chose from as well. They never had any of these treats when I was a little kid. We have shaved ice with juice in it...  
  
Bane: Hey, just make your choice and get out of here you stupid girl. We want to eat as well.  
  
Suzu: (Looks at Bane) Well, if it isn't the I'm-so-high-and-mighty Bane the Druid. Listen, buddy, I paid for my own ticket and I have a right to stand here for as long as I possible want to choose my treats, okay!  
  
Faustus: Suzu, just get the Pocky and let's leave. I really do not want you to start a fight that I have to save you from again.  
  
Suzu: No Fausty, we can stay as long as we want to! And now to decide on some liquid refreshment! (The crowd groans)  
  
Faustus: Please don't call me that. Now what are you doing?  
  
Suzu: Comparing prices of the donuts. The ones with sprinkles are about 50 cents more.  
  
(Groans from the line. The cashier, King William the Just, coughs politely)  
  
William: Look ma'am, I have over three hundred other people to serve and I am going to ask you to move along nicely or else I will have to use brute force and my skill with a sword against you.  
  
Faustus: Well, we all know where that got you. (Gives a wicked grin to William, then grabs Suzu by the arm) We're leaving kid!  
  
Suzu: _NO!!!!_ Not yet, not until I get my root beer and a glazed donut! I am over 6,000 years old and I demand to be treated with more respect that what you are showing me, Faustus! Lemme go!  
  
Elzevir the Doll maker: Just shove her to the ground and we'll walk over her! (People begin to yell; a mob might be forming very soon)  
  
William: (Sighing) It just had to come to this. (Turns to a large figure stacking food in the back of the booths) Hash'ak'git!  
  
Hash'ak'git: Wot? (Turns to look at Suzu who is kicking her feet and making a scene. Of course she stops when she sees the demon looking at her) Is there a problem?  
  
Bane: Oh shit-  
  
Faustus: I wipe myself clean of this fight. (Runs off to his seat)  
  
Suzu: Yeah, there is a problem, demon boy. I want to buy myself a donut but everyone is telling me to move along; there's still twenty minutes left for this intermission and I want my food! Hey watch my wings, watch my wings! I love them dearly!  
  
(Suzu is picked up by Hash'ak'git and thrown across the long hall and back into the theatre where she becomes embedded in the left wing; Bane decides that running back to warn Mortanius and Dejoule of this is the best thing for him to do. Now the line may move on without a certain perky half human/Seraphim holding up the line)  
  
William: I feel like I have done justice's work today.  
  
Hash'ak'git: Just you watch it, king! I may be the labour here, but I can still possess you.  
  
William: (Meekly) Yes, sir. Next please! Oh god, not you!  
  
Zephon: What?!  
  
William: You aren't going to try and talk me to death, are you? I have heard that even in real life you want to talk on and on about yourself and how great you are in comparison to everyone else.  
  
Zephon: (Grumbling) What an idiot! It seems you already know about me so why the hell should I introduce myself. Now hurry up and give me a chocolate milkshake, my high heels are killing me! (Receives it) Thanks for nothing, Nemesis bastard!  
  
William: Hey, I heard that! I was duped, I tell you, duped into being the Nemesis!  
  
* * *  
  
Kain: All right Ariel, I admit that perhaps I should not of tried to touch you, but as I was saying I was going to tap you on the back before you whirled around! I had no intention of touching your breast! I am not a horny vampire!  
  
Ariel: (Disgusted) Yes you are! You were planning to touch me there all along, you sick puppy!  
  
Dumah: _FIGHT!_  
  
Kain & Ariel: Shut up! (Dumah walks off to torment Melchiah)  
  
Kain: Well what are you going to do about it, Ariel? Your boyfriend is still out cold and can't do anything at all without going to pieces and you can't hit me!  
  
Ariel: I can walk off the play right now. (Silence fills the wings; actors have stopped moving and the crew looks at the two)  
  
Anamae: _No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!_ (Runs up to the two in chibi form, waving arms around wildly) You can't do that, Ariel! We still have four more Acts to go! Kain, for once in your life stop being so high and mighty and just admit that you wanted to touch Ariel's breast like the horny vampire that you are! Urk!  
  
(Kain picks up the young authoress by the neck and throws her across the backstage, where she lands into the wall. Suzu has just managed to get herself out and looks at the director-for-the-moment)  
  
Suzu: Problems?  
  
Anamae: Yes...  
  
Suzu: Need any help?  
  
Anamae: Morphine and a drip, please…  
  
Suzu: I'll be back. (Walks off and leaves the poor authoress on the ground in agony)  
  
Vorador: She had it coming to her.  
  
Umah: Oh so are you saying you support Kain for throwing a child across the room when she was trying to break up a fight on sexual harassment?  
  
Vorador: Well, I was merely saying that she was going to get it sooner or later. And with Ariel wearing that dress it's like she wants to be touched there.  
  
Umah: I can't even believe I am having this conversation with you. How can you possibly think that Ariel wants to be touched like that; it's the costume! I am wearing the exact same thing so does that make you want to touch my breast?  
  
Vorador: It is tempting…  
  
Umah: I don't think so. (Kicks Vorador in the head with her high heeled shoes, and then walks off. Suzu walks by Vorador)  
  
Suzu: Man, she really wasted you. Need anything?  
  
Vorador: …mom-mommy?  
  
Suzu: Whatever. Hey Janos, where can I find morphine?  
  
Janos: I know not what you speak of, little girl.   
  
Suzu: Hey, I'm older than you, Janos so you can't call me a little girl! Malek, do you know where I could find a drip?  
  
Malek: Yeah, just go and take a look at yourself! (Goes back to talking to a group of Sarafan who are holding a bunch of maps and hit lists in their hands) Now the one called Turel might be tricky, but all we have to do is get a young maiden, dangle her in front of him and he'll walk right into the trap! After we behead him, we go after the ugly one there, Melchiah. To get him we will need…  
  
Suzu: That was uncalled for! (Sees Rahab and runs after him) Rahab!  
  
(As this is all happening, Dumah and Raziel are the only ones watching the unconscious director; Raziel slapping her cheek from time to time and Dumah applying the cold compresses)   
  
Raziel: I can't believe tried to touch Ariel's breast!  
  
Dumah: Who cares? We can't have her walking out on us because without a Juliet I don't get to fight you later on and change the whole script!  
  
Raziel: Don't tell me you're still going to try and kill Romeo, even when it calls for you to die?  
  
Dumah: Damn straight. And after I kill Romeo, Tybalt will claim the throne from the Prince and rule all of 'Italy' as it is called. Pretty sweet, huh?  
  
Raziel: You are just weird. Hey, the director it moving! The play can be saved yet! (Turns to the woman) Lady wake up, wake up!   
  
Director: (Groggily and with a vacant look in her eyes) How many cups of sugar does it take to get to the moon, son?  
  
Dumah: Oh, I know the answer! I know! Three and a half?  
  
(Director gives the two a sleepy look, then falls back once again unconscious)  
  
Raziel: That's it we're screwed. No hope for us now, no hope!  
  
Dumah: Could be worse.  
  
Raziel: Worse? How the bloody hell could it get any worse?  
  
Dumah: Malek might be planning to kill the whole vampire cast right now.  
  
Raziel: I. Think. He. Is.  
  
(Inside Ariel's dressing room)  
  
Ariel: Of all the nerve, touching me like that! It is not enough that he has damned me to haunt the Pillar of Balance (looks over at the Pillar that had to be dragged to the theatre) but now Kain tries to grab at me! Is there no justice for a ghost?  
  
Little girl's voice: I don't think so!  
  
Ariel: Who's there?  
  
Little girl's voice: I'm right here!   
  
(Ariel turns to see a little princess standing in front of her, looking oh-so-sweet)  
  
Ariel: And who are you?  
  
Princess: Yeesh, no one knows anything! I'm the princess from the first Blood Omen game, the one whose soul was turned into a doll for a brief time! And I am saying that you have a little bit more justice than me because the writers never even gave me a name in the whole story! Do you know what that's like? Being a no-name character?  
  
Ariel: You don't have a horny vampire coming onto you, or a director that has been knocked out or even a cast that is so weird that I know before this night is over the play will flop and the Nosgoth Theatre house will be burned to the ground. Not to mention an authoress that wants to try and pair me with Kain!  
  
Princess: Maybe she has a reason why she's doing that!  
  
Ariel: Why?  
  
Princess: Don't look at me I'm only twelve. You'll have to go and ask Anamae! I hear my daddy calling me; it was very nice meeting you, Miss Ariel.   
  
(Princess runs out of the dressing room. Ariel decides to go and see Anamae, who at the moment is receiving a damn huge amount of morphine for the pain from Suzu. Ariel doesn't look very happy as she floats above the ground; all the coolness and cryptic verses are gone and it looks like she'll start screaming when Anamae starts fighting her over what the authoress can and cannot do)  
  
Ariel: Director-in-charge, I want a word with you!  
  
Anamae: Okay. I guess you want to talk about Kain and you and how I am always trying to put you together, huh?  
  
Ariel: (Shocked) But how did you know?  
  
Anamae: I am writing this, lady, so of course I know everything before it's going to happen. Thanks Suzu, you can go now! (Waves goodbye to her brainchild, who sits back down next to Faustus, then turns back to Ariel) Now where were we?  
  
Ariel: About me and Kain and the pairing. If you don't already know, I already have a love: Nupraptor!  
  
Anamae: Well, he did pollute the Circle when you were trying to cleanse it, so I don't think that's really going to work out between you two even now. Kain tried to fix everything up and I can say that when you say him for the first time, you were all 'Man is he cute!' And Kain was! You guys always bicker and I know that the best relationships are when the two lovers always fight so you guys are already there!  
  
Ariel: That doesn't make any sense!  
  
Anamae: I might not be making much sense because of the morphine. (Points to the drip) And what about the time Kain was a wounded fledgling and he was bleeding at the base of the Pillars because of a fight? You held him in your arms and healed him, all the while singing this song: _As I lay me down to sleep, I will hold you dear and I will pray-_  
  
Ariel: Shut up! You can't possibly know anything about that! You can't!  
  
Anamae: Well, I know! You also tried to give him good advice and he actually takes it from time to time, but he would NEVER admit it! Kain was the one who places the freshly cut roses in front of your Pillar every morning, Ariel! He also composes poetry of you in his off time, which is quite a bit and let me tell you-  
  
Ariel: SHUT UP! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS!  
  
Anamae: But I'm just getting started!!!! There's a whole bunch of other reasons why I am trying to pair you guys together! The pain factor, the immortality factor, the factor of all factors-  
  


Ariel: AHHHHHHH!!!! (Flies away as quickly as possible, covering her ears to drown out the authoress' voice)  
  
(Meanwhile)  
  
Kain: Oh god the whole performance will be ruined and all because of me! Why did I do that, why? (Sitting out on the roof of the Theatre house and basically beating himself up over what he did. Ariel comes flying out of the side door at that moment and floats, crying, over to the edge of the building)  
  
Ariel: (Sees Kain) Oh gods, why don't you just go away and leave me alone!  
  
Kain: I was here first Ariel, so you can just go and leave me alone! (Silence between the two. Finally Kain speaks) So will you really be leaving the play?  
  
Ariel: With you always pestering me, I think I should. You can't ever respect anyone, you know that, Kain! That is your one problem: You give no respect to anyone! It's always 'Me, me, me' and never anyone else!  
  
Kain: Gee, and this is from a person who manipulated me when I was a young and inexperienced man! You were thinking of yourself the whole time too, Ariel, so you cannot point fingers in my direction!  
  
Ariel: If you had killed yourself right from the beginning, then none of this would of happened. I did not want to become a ghost to be bound to the Pillars, to never go beyond where all dead people are supposed to go! You have kept me there, bound by your selfishness.   
  
Kain: Because I don't want to be alone!!! (Gaps, mouth wide open then closes it and turns away in a huff. Ariel gives him a look)  
  
Ariel: Afraid of being alone?  
  
Kain: Yeah, well I'm the only Pillar and I don't have anyone to turn to who could teach me what to do except you so I kept you to the Pillars so that I won't be alone! I…sorry I tried to touch your breast, Ariel.  
  
Ariel: You said you were sorry. I don't expect that from a person like you, Kain.  
  
Kain: Well, you'll never hear that again and if you tell anyone, then I'll- (Looks at Ariel with a sort of defeated expression, she giving him one filled for the first time with a look of pity and compassion. The two move towards each other)  
  
(And then Melchiah comes in through the door at that moment, breaking the scene)  
  
Melchiah: _Act 2_ is about to begin! The authoress/director says that if you guys don't get down soon then she'll take over your roles and with the way she's doped up on all that morphine I think she just might actually do it…am I disturbing something? (Quickly walks back the way he came, holding his skirt up high to show enough leg to scare anyone)  
  
Kain: (Extends hand) Well, two more acts to go. Care to join me then?  
  
Ariel: (Shakes hand) Very well, but don't get use to this treatment.


	9. Act 2 Begins Well...But Will It Finish W...

Chorus person 1: Oh, I am just so excited. I have trained my voice all week for this one little chant that everyone is going to perform.  
  
Chorus person 2: Like, totally. And my boyfriend is out in the crowd so I have to show how good I am or else I will kill myself.  
  
Chorus person 3: Puh-lease, don't go so hard on yourself. I'm just worried about our little alto over there! (Jerks a gloved hand towards the only small child in the Chorus that will introduce the beginning of the second act, who is running around with a couple of vampire children)  
  
Chorus person 1: Disgraceful. Where are that's child's parents?  
  
Chorus person 2: Dead, I believe. She was adopted by the vampires that killed her family, you know, so those must be her siblings in a sense. Really, someone must tell Lord Malek of this!  
  
Chorus person 3: Why don't you then? We all know you want to go up to him and pinch his butt, even underneath all that armour!!  
  
Chorus person 2: I most CERTAINLY do not!  
  
Chorus person 1: He was voted in the top ten of 'Most Eligible Vampires' by the Nosgoth LIFE magazine. But then Vorador was at the top, with Lord Kain following in second and Raziel in third. I wonder how you can vote for these things!  
  
(Cut to Rahab, who is now huddled in a corner and picking at his friar's costume, slowly rocking back and forth and mumbling incoherently to himself. Zephon comes up to him, still drinking his massive milkshake)  
  
Zephon: What's the matter with you?  
  
Rahab: I'm up in the next two acts, but I can't get over how I bring two lovers together, all so pure and sweet, then my other character who is the poisoner supplies them with the dirty stuff to kill them. How could I/they do that? How, how?  
  
Zephon: Umm, Rahab, you're asking the wrong guy. See, whereas you have a conscious and morals, I have none. I tossed it out the window a long time ago and I haven't seen it since. You can't back down now on opening night, so you might as well go right ahead and play your part as best as you can. At least you don't have to wear heels.   
  
(Melchiah clomps down the catwalk stairs as fast as possible and rushes up to the authoress)  
  
Melchiah: Ariel and Kain have patched everything up. There's no need for Plan 'B', miss Anamae. (The young authoress stops applying rolls and rolls of bandage to her body with Janos' help, then shakes off the casts on her legs and takes off the eye patch)  
  
Anamae: Really? That's great Melchiah, great work! But I could still go for more of this morphine drip!!!   
  
(Janos grabs it from her and throws it in the trash. Now that Ariel and Kain have come back down, the not so frantic cast or the understudies have now grown frantic again, knowing something might be up)  
  
Melchiah: Ahem, miss authoress, you promised me.  
  
Anamae: What?  
  
(Melchiah points to his powdered cheek)  
  
Janos: (Whispering) You said while you were a little strung up that if he got them back together that you'd give him a kiss. And judging by the way his cheek looks, it seems the best place where the flesh will not peel off.  
  
Anamae: (Sigh) The things I do to make this play go on. (Leans over and quickly kisses Melchiah, then goes off to Kain and Ariel) All right, so everyone's back together, all swinging and everything fine? Good, good, good! Chorus; get ready for your scene! Lights, soundmen, no funny tricks!  
  
(The Nosgoth Vocal Group line up just beyond the wings, some odd twenty of them all dressed up as fairies because the now unconscious director thought it would add some flair to the play, whatever she meant by that. The little girl is right at the end. Anamae walks out into the crowded theatre, ignoring a 'look' from Moebius and thanking silently that Nupraptor had been able to get his seat back from Dejoule, who was sitting on Bane's lap)  
  
Anamae: And now the opening to Act 2 of Shakespeare's 'Romeo and Juliet'.  
  
(Walks off and chorus comes on)  
  
Chorus: (Singing in the high keys; some vampires plugging their ears at the deadly notes and passing around a box of cotton balls and ear plugs) Now old desire doth in his death-bed lie,  
And young affection gapes to be his heir;  
That fair for which love groan'd for and would die,  
With tender Juliet match'd, is now not fair.  
Now Romeo is beloved and loves again,  
Alike betwitched by the charm of looks,  
But to his foe supposed he must complain,  
And she steal love's sweet bait from fearful hooks:  
Being held a foe, he may not have access  
To breathe such vows as lovers use to swear;  
And she as much in love, her means much less  
To meet her new-beloved any where:  
  
(All eyes turn towards the little girl, who is looking into the crowd with wide eyes and an opened mouth. The lady beside the child discreetly kicks her in the knee)  
  
Little girl: But passion lends them power, time means, to meet  
  
Tempering extremities with extreme sweet. Like candy!  
  
(Backstage Kain and Turel muffle their laughter in their hats as the chorus walks back to their respective places in the wings, parts over. The red curtain rises to reveal a lane just outside of the Capulet mansion, wall hiding everything but the view to Juliet's room. Kain, Raziel and Benvolio take their places onstage…) 


	10. Act 2, Scene I

Chorus person 1: Oh, I am just so excited. I have trained my voice all week for this one little chant that everyone is going to perform.  
  
Chorus person 2: Like, totally. And my boyfriend is out in the crowd so I have to show how good I am or else I will kill myself.  
  
Chorus person 3: Puh-lease, don't go so hard on yourself. I'm just worried about our little alto over there! (Jerks a gloved hand towards the only small child in the Chorus that will introduce the beginning of the second act, who is running around with a couple of vampire children)  
  
Chorus person 1: Disgraceful. Where are that's child's parents?  
  
Chorus person 2: Dead, I believe. She was adopted by the vampires that killed her family, you know, so those must be her siblings in a sense. Really, someone must tell Lord Malek of this!  
  
Chorus person 3: Why don't you then? We all know you want to go up to him and pinch his butt, even underneath all that armour!!  
  
Chorus person 2: I most CERTAINLY do not!  
  
Chorus person 1: He was voted in the top ten of 'Most Eligible Vampires' by the Nosgoth LIFE magazine. But then Vorador was at the top, with Lord Kain following in second and Raziel in third. I wonder how you can vote for these things!  
  
(Cut to Rahab, who is now huddled in a corner and picking at his friar's costume, slowly rocking back and forth and mumbling incoherently to himself. Zephon comes up to him, still drinking his massive milkshake)  
  
Zephon: What's the matter with you?  
  
Rahab: I'm up in the next two acts, but I can't get over how I bring two lovers together, all so pure and sweet, then my other character who is the poisoner supplies them with the dirty stuff to kill them. How could I/they do that? How, how?  
  
Zephon: Umm, Rahab, you're asking the wrong guy. See, whereas you have a conscious and morals, I have none. I tossed it out the window a long time ago and I haven't seen it since. You can't back down now on opening night, so you might as well go right ahead and play your part as best as you can. At least you don't have to wear heels.   
  
(Melchiah clomps down the catwalk stairs as fast as possible and rushes up to the authoress)  
  
Melchiah: Ariel and Kain have patched everything up. There's no need for Plan 'B', miss Anamae. (The young authoress stops applying rolls and rolls of bandage to her body with Janos' help, then shakes off the casts on her legs and takes off the eye patch)  
  
Anamae: Really? That's great Melchiah, great work! But I could still go for more of this morphine drip!!!   
  
(Janos grabs it from her and throws it in the trash. Now that Ariel and Kain have come back down, the not so frantic cast or the understudies have now grown frantic again, knowing something might be up)  
  
Melchiah: Ahem, miss authoress, you promised me.  
  
Anamae: What?  
  
(Melchiah points to his powdered cheek)  
  
Janos: (Whispering) You said while you were a little strung up that if he got them back together that you'd give him a kiss. And judging by the way his cheek looks, it seems the best place where the flesh will not peel off.  
  
Anamae: (Sigh) The things I do to make this play go on. (Leans over and quickly kisses Melchiah, then goes off to Kain and Ariel) All right, so everyone's back together, all swinging and everything fine? Good, good, good! Chorus; get ready for your scene! Lights, soundmen, no funny tricks!  
  
(The Nosgoth Vocal Group line up just beyond the wings, some odd twenty of them all dressed up as fairies because the now unconscious director thought it would add some flair to the play, whatever she meant by that. The little girl is right at the end. Anamae walks out into the crowded theatre, ignoring a 'look' from Moebius and thanking silently that Nupraptor had been able to get his seat back from Dejoule, who was sitting on Bane's lap)  
  
Anamae: And now the opening to Act 2 of Shakespeare's 'Romeo and Juliet'.  
  
(Walks off and chorus comes on)  
  
Chorus: (Singing in the high keys; some vampires plugging their ears at the deadly notes and passing around a box of cotton balls and ear plugs) Now old desire doth in his death-bed lie,  
And young affection gapes to be his heir;  
That fair for which love groan'd for and would die,  
With tender Juliet match'd, is now not fair.  
Now Romeo is beloved and loves again,  
Alike betwitched by the charm of looks,  
But to his foe supposed he must complain,  
And she steal love's sweet bait from fearful hooks:  
Being held a foe, he may not have access  
To breathe such vows as lovers use to swear;  
And she as much in love, her means much less  
To meet her new-beloved any where:  
  
(All eyes turn towards the little girl, who is looking into the crowd with wide eyes and an opened mouth. The lady beside the child discreetly kicks her in the knee)  
  
Little girl: But passion lends them power, time means, to meet  
  
Tempering extremities with extreme sweet. Like candy!  
  
(Backstage Kain and Turel muffle their laughter in their hats as the chorus walks back to their respective places in the wings, parts over. The red curtain rises to reveal a lane just outside of the Capulet mansion, wall hiding everything but the view to Juliet's room. Kain, Raziel and Benvolio take their places onstage…)


	11. Act 2, Scene II...The Problems Begin

(Kain walks onstage and looks very dastardly, not only because he and Ariel have finally patched things up but also because 'that' scene is coming up)

Kain: Can I go forward when my heart is here?  
Turn back, dull earth, and find thy centre out.

(Looks one way and then the other and vaults over the prop wall, landing on the other side of the Capulet mansion. Raziel and Benvolio come in at that moment, looking for 'Romeo')

Benvolio: Romeo! My cousin Romeo!

Raziel: He is wise;  
And, on my lie, hath stol'n him home to bed.

Benvolio: He ran this way, and leap'd this orchard wall:  
Call, good Mercutio.

Raziel: Nay, I'll conjure too.  
Romeo! Humours! Madman! Passion! Lover!  
Appear thou in the likeness of a sigh:  
Speak but one rhyme, and I am satisfied;  
Cry but 'Ay me!' pronounce but 'love' and 'dove;'  
Speak to my gossip Venus one fair word,  
One nick-name for her purblind son and heir,  
Young Adam Cupid, he that shot so trim,  
When King Cophetua loved the beggar-maid!  
He heareth not, he stirreth not, he moveth not;  
The ape is dead, and I must conjure him.  
I conjure thee by Rosaline's bright eyes,  
By her high forehead and her scarlet lip,  
By her fine foot, straight leg and quivering thigh  
And the demesnes that there adjacent lie,  
That in thy likeness thou appear to us!

Benvolio: And if he hear thee, thou wilt anger him.

Random Sarafan in the audience: He jumped behind the wall!!! Romeo's gone and stalking Juliet, the pervert!!! (Laughter from the crowd)

Raziel: This cannot anger him: 'twould anger him  
To raise a spirit in his mistress' circle  
Of some strange nature, letting it there stand  
Till she had laid it and conjured it down;  
That were some spite: my invocation  
Is fair and honest, and in his mistres s' name  
I conjure only but to raise up him.

Benvolio: Come, he hath hid himself among these trees,  
To be consorted with the humorous night:  
Blind is his love and best befits the dark.

Raziel: If love be blind, love cannot hit the mark.  
Now will he sit under a medlar tree,  
And wish his mistress were that kind of fruit  
As maids call medlars, when they laugh alone.  
Romeo, that she were, O, that she were  
An open et caetera, thou a poperin pear!  
Romeo, good night: I'll to my truckle-bed;  
This field-bed is too cold for me to sleep:  
Come, shall we go?

Benvolio: Go, then; for 'tis in vain  
To seek him here that means not to be found.

(Both head off-stage, lines and the first scene finished. But there was something disturbing about the whole deal. Kain is not backstage; in fact he never even came backstage. This, of course, now has everyone else in a fit)

Anamae: Where is he? Where's Romeo!!!!!! Some body do a head count to make sure no one is missing! Zephon, check the ceilings; Melchiah, look through the sewers to see if your father is down there.

Rahab: Get a hold of yourself, woman! (Slaps her across the face)

Raziel: Aha! I shouldn't have been telling anyone this, but Malek is planning to kill all the vampires and Kain was most likely the first on his list. Malek killed Kain!!! (Points a finger at the Sarafan commander, who is trying to make the most innocent look appear on his face)

Malek: Oh please, like I would really do that, you stupid vampire.

Turel: Paris got jealous of Romeo even before he meets him and kills the competition!! Damn you Malek, you killed our father! Now I'll kill you!

(Takes out a sword and begins to chase the Pillar of Conflict about. Soon everyone else has begun to fight everyone else, none hearing the call for help in the props section)

Kain: Help me…. someone heeeeeeellllllllllpppppppppppp mmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

Umah: Everyone shut up!!!! Someone's calling for help!

(Deathly silence fills the backstage and everyone is now able to hear the cry. One of the stage crew looks at the front wall of the Capulet mansion and begins to laugh. Everyone else also begins to laugh as they see Kain, the master vampire, in a most unusual predicament. The reason he had not been able to come backstage was because when he had vaulted the wall, his leggings had gotten caught in a loose nail; now Kain was upside down and unable to get off the wall, his leggings torn and everyone seeing his heart-shaped boxers)

Kain: Someone get me down from here! Everyone stop laughing! Stop laughing!

Ariel: Aww, poor Kain demands respect, even in his underwear.

(More laughter. Finally Kain is brought back down and a new pair of leggings are found for him so scene 2 can finally air. As the curtain rises, the authoress turns to look at Malek who has received quite a beating from Turel)

Anamae: Now what was that about trying to kill all the vampires?


	12. What Is Happening In The 20 Minutes Whil...

(Audience quietens down as the curtain rises. Now this is the famous scene where Romeo and Juliet come together and pledge their undying love; so no screw-ups are allowed but since this is Nosgoth and this is the first ever play of 'Romeo and Juliet' something will undoubtedly happen that will screw everything up. Moebius looks over at Nupraptor, who thankfully has managed to get his seat back from Dejoule)  
  
Moebius: (Whispering) Now this scene Nupraptor is where Romeo and Juliet pledge their love. Don't worry, Ariel still loves you in real life and Kain is not hitting on her, all right?  
  
Mortanius: Why are you telling him all of this? You're trying to start a fight!  
  
Moebius: Maybe I am!  
  
Dumahim vampire: Shush!!! I want to hear the play, not you old farts!  
  
(The two Pillar guardians look at the vampire, then settle back down to watch the play go on. The stage shows a beautiful orchard wreathed in pale moonlight, with the tower in the background where Juliet's room is located. Sparkles fill the air, courtesy of the fairie realm from Nosgoth who love adding romantic touches to romantic stuff in general. Soft music is played from over the speakers and for once a calm and peaceful mood enters the theatre. Kain enters from the left of the stage)  
  
Kain: He jests at scars that never felt a wound.  
  
(Looks up towards Juliet's window, waiting for Ariel to make her appearance. She does and thanks to some quick make-up from Umah, looks all the more radiant)  
  
Kain: But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks?  
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.  
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,  
Who is already sick and pale with grief,  
That thou her maid art far more fair than she:  
Be not her maid, since she is envious;  
Her vestal livery is but sick and green  
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.  
It is my lady, O, it is my love!  
O, that she knew she were!  
  
(Faustus nudges Suzu in the side and whispers in her ear)  
  
Faustus: So what does he mean exactly?  
  
Suzu: (Eating her donut and drinking her root beer at the same time; talking loudly) It means that he's got the hots for her in the really, really, really bad way!  
  
Turelim vampire: Be quiet!!!!  
  
Suzu: No, I need to explain this to my friend!!! Faustus doesn't know much when it comes to love and-  
  
Rahabim vampire: SHUT UP!!!! You're spoiling the moment, you stupid half-breed!  
  
Suzu: What was that?!!! I'm not stupid, you eijit!  
  
Faustus: Everyone shut up and let's just watch the frick'en play!!! (Everyone does shut up and turns back to the play; at the same moment Faustus has taken out a roll of duck tape and taped Suzu's mouth shut so she'll stop speaking for once)  
  
(Back onstage)  
  
Kain: She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that?  
Her eye discourses; I will answer it.  
I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks:  
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,  
Having some business, do entreat her eyes  
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.  
What if her eyes were there, they in her head?  
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars,  
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven  
Would through the airy region stream so bright  
That birds would sing and think it were not night.  
See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!  
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,  
That I might touch that cheek!  
  
(Looks up at Ariel from his vantage point in the orchard and waits for her lines)  
  
Ariel: Ay me!  
  
Kain: (Thinking to himself) _Shakespeare, if I ever meet you in this life I'm going to shake your hand for making such great lines for my character to speak. No woman can resist them or my charm!_  
She speaks:  
O, speak again, bright angel! for thou art  
As glorious to this night, being o'er my head  
As is a winged messenger of heaven  
Unto the white-upturned wondering eyes  
Of mortals that fall back to gaze on him  
When he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds  
And sails upon the bosom of the air.  
  
Ariel: (Leans against the balcony and places her head in her hands) O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?  
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;  
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,  
And I'll no longer be a Capulet.  
  
Kain: Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?  
  
Ariel: 'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;  
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.  
What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,  
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part  
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!  
What's in a name? that which we call a rose  
By any other name would smell as sweet;  
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,  
Retain that dear perfection which he owes  
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,  
And for that name which is no part of thee  
Take all myself.  
  
(Kain jumps out of his hiding spot and shouts his next lines a bit too loudly, causing Ariel to scream and hurl down a vase even if it is not in the script)  
  
Kain: I take thee at thy word:  
Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized;  
Henceforth I never will be Romeo.  
  
(Misses the vase, but unfortunately knocks into one of the trees. The tree falls over with an almighty crash, creating a large hole in the stage. Crashing still continues as the tree goes down into the lower levels of the theatre house. Backstage Anamae is bashing her head into a clipboard and muttering to herself about never directing another play again, even if she's covering for the real director, which is still knocked out)  
  
Ariel: (Looks slightly embarrassed at the mess she created from tossing down that one vase) What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night  
So stumblest on my counsel?   
  
Kain: By a name  
I know not how to tell thee who I am:  
My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself,  
Because it is an enemy to thee;  
Had I it written, I would tear the word.  
  
Ariel: (Leans over the balcony's edge to look at Kain; a faint hairline appears in the prop) My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words  
Of that tongue's utterance, yet I know the sound:  
Art thou not Romeo and a Montague?  
  
Kain: Neither, fair saint, if either thee dislike.  
  
Ariel: How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?  
The orchard walls are high and hard to climb,  
And the place death, considering who thou art,  
If any of my kinsmen find thee here.  
  
Kain: (Falls out of character) Ha, I would like to see them try and kill me. I have the Soul Reaver and this little beauty has never failed me before. (Pats the sword) And if anyone did find me here, then I will kill him or her, simple as that.  
  
Ariel: (Gives him a sharp look; leans further over the edge. Another crack appears in the balcony and railing) If they do see thee, they will murder thee.  
  
Kain: Alack, there lies more peril in thine eye  
Than twenty of their swords: look thou but sweet,  
And I am proof against their enmity.  
  
Ariel: I would not for the world they saw thee here.  
  
Kain: I have night's cloak to hide me from their sight;  
And but thou love me, let them find me here:  
My life were better ended by their hate,  
Than death prorogued, wanting of thy love.  
  
(While Kain and Ariel exchange their lines and the audience is listening in peacefully, backstage is a completely different manner)  
  
Anamae: What did you say, Janos?  
  
Janos: The balcony Ariel is on is in danger of being destroyed.  
  
Anamae: (Throws down clipboard and walks to the curtain's edge with the Ancient, who points out the fine cracks and lines developing) Oh hell, not good, not good at all!!! First Kain knocks down a tree and creates a hole in the stage that we're going to have to patch up quickly, and now the balcony Ariel is on will fall with her on it and…wait a minute, Ariel's a ghost. She has no weight on the balcony, so why is it breaking up?  
  
Janos: I do not know.  
  
Anamae: I think I do. (Turns to Malek who is at the moment placing some rubbing alcohol on his wounds that Kain, Dumah and Turel had given him before) Malek's messed around with the props and while Ariel won't be hurt while the balcony falls, Kain will! Sweet merciful crap, why did I get involved in all of this!!!! Why does Malek want to kill all the vampires on opening night of all nights?!  
  
Janos: Because you wanted to, I suppose.  
  
(Anamae begins running to one side of the theatre house, grabs some wooden support beams and drags them back over to Janos)  
  
Anamae: Okay, then help me prop up the tower from the back so the balcony won't fall over and kill Kain. We need him alive until the end of the play anyway! (Janos and Anamae take the beams and run around to the back of the stage itself, hidden behind the props and try and repair the damage done by the Sarafan paladin)  
  
Rahab: (Looks at the authoress) What's happened to her?  
  
Raziel: I don't know so don't bother asking me. I'm keeping an eye out on Malek, and I suggest you do to!  
  
Rahab: Are you insinuating that he is trying to kill us?  
  
Raziel: (Sarcastically) Hmm, well Rahab with the way he's sharpening his sword over there and giving evil glares over to Vorador, Janos, and the other vampires I do believe he is planning something. Besides I saw him messing around with half the props before and I think he caused something to go on with the trees; dad's clumsy at times but not that clumsy.  
  
Rahab: Oh good.  
  
Raziel: What the hell do you mean by that? 'Good' what's so good about that?  
  
Rahab: I'm not the only character in this play that has a split persona or just plain evil.  
  
Raziel: (Fuming) Are you still going on about the friar/poisoner business?  
  
Rahab: (Sheepishly) Yes.  
  
(Back onstage)  
  
Ariel: -O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon,  
That monthly changes in her circled orb,  
Lest that thy love prove likewise variable.  
  
Kain: What shall I swear by?  
  
Ariel: Do not swear at all;  
Or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self,  
Which is the god of my idolatry,  
And I'll believe thee.  
  
Kain: If my heart's dear love-  
  
(Hears banging and thumps from backstage, right below the tower where Ariel is still leaning against the balcony. The whine of power tools are heard and the hammering of nails. Ariel also stops to look and listen, shrugs at Kain and continues with her lines)  
  
Ariel: (Shouting over the whine of a power tool) Well, do not swear: although I joy in thee,  
I have no joy of this contract to-night:  
It is too rash, too unadvised, too sudden;  
Too like the lightning, which doth cease to be  
Ere one can say 'It lightens.' Sweet, good night!  
This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath,  
May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet.  
Good night, good night! as sweet repose and rest  
Come to thy heart as that within my breast!  
  
(Sounds of construction stop and the ghost looks behind her again. Of course, when Kain needs to speak he doesn't get interrupted at all, she thinks to herself)  
  
Kain: O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?  
  
Ariel: What satisfaction canst thou have to-night?  
  
Kain: The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.  
  
Ariel: I gave thee mine before thou didst request it:  
And yet I would it were to give again.  
  
(Hammering begins again from behind the scenes; someone swears loudly and the yowling of a cat can be heard. The audience looks at each other, shrugs and thinks is the party which must be happening in another part of the Capulet mansion, and go back to watching the play)  
  
Kain: (Yelling over the sound of the hammer) Wouldst thou withdraw it? for what purpose, love?  
  
Ariel: (Still yelling) But to be frank, and give it thee again.  
And yet I wish but for the thing I have:  
My bounty is as boundless as the sea,  
My love as deep; the more I give to thee,  
The more I have, for both are infinite.  
  
(Hammering stops, the swearing stops and the cat meowing stops. Silence descends and then a shrill voice is heard from within the mansion)  
  
Zephon: (From within the mansion) Juliet!!!  
  
(Collective audience groans, sure that another long-winded speech is coming up. Ariel leaves the stage for a moment, where Zephon, having been told by Anamae about the condition of the balcony, relays it to the ghost and tells her to say her lines quickly, who then comes back out)  
  
Ariel: Three words, dear Romeo, and good night indeed.  
If that thy bent of love be honourable,  
Thy purpose marriage, send me word to-morrow,  
By one that I'll procure to come to thee,  
Where and what time thou wilt perform the rite;  
And all my fortunes at thy foot I'll lay  
And follow thee my lord throughout the world.  
  
Zephon: Madam!!!  
  
Ariel: I come, anon.-(Turns back to Kain, the balcony begins to develop a few more cracks that even the masonry skills of Janos couldn't hold together) But if thou mean'st not well,  
I do beseech thee-  
  
Zephon: _MADAM!!!_ (Peeks out from behind the entrance of the balcony and sees the cracks) Ariel, move it and move quickly!   
  
Ariel: By and by, I come:--  
To cease thy suit, and leave me to my grief:  
To-morrow will I send.  
  
Kain: (Still oblivious to the whole balcony breaking up) So thrive my soul-  
  
Ariel: Good night! (Gets pulled back into the wings quickly by Zephon as the balcony begins to groan and creak ominously. Kain is unfortunately standing below it)  
  
Kain: A thousand times the worse, to want thy light.  
Love goes toward love, as schoolboys from  
their books,  
But love from love, toward school with heavy looks. It is my soul that calls upon my name:  
How silver-sweet sound lovers' tongues by night,  
Like softest music to attending ears!  
  
(Ariel quickly floats back onto the balcony, just remembering that she has to say her next lines or else the rest of the play won't make much sense)  
  
Ariel: Romeo! At what o'clock to-morrow  
Shall I send to thee?  
  
Kain: At the hour of nine.  
  
Ariel: I will not fail: 'tis twenty years till then.  
I have forgot why I did call thee back. (Whispers to Kain) Get out of the way; the balcony is going to fall on you!  
  
Kain: Ariel, that's not part of the script!  
  
Ariel: Get out of the way, you stupid master vampire!!! (Kain finally does see the damage on the balcony and quickly moves off to the side, making only his back visible to the audience)  
  
Kain: (Sarcastically) Happy? --And I'll still stay, to have thee still forget,  
Forgetting any other home but this.  
  
Ariel: 'Tis almost morning; I would have thee gone:  
And yet no further than a wanton's bird;  
Who lets it hop a little from her hand,  
Like a poor prisoner in his twisted gyves,  
And with a silk thread plucks it back again,  
So loving-jealous of his liberty. Sweet, so would I:  
Yet I should kill thee with much cherishing.  
Good night, good night! parting is such  
sweet sorrow,  
That I shall say good night till it be morrow.  
  
(Exits the stage for good, leaving the balcony, which was now drooping down considerably and weaving from side to side. Kain gulps and looks up at it nervously)  
  
Kain: Sleep dwell upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast!  
Would I were sleep and peace, so sweet to rest!  
Hence will I to my ghostly father's cell,  
His help to crave, and my dear hap to tell.  
  
(A crack is heard from above and the balcony goes. Kain jumps out of the way, screaming a bit shrilling even if he is wearing tights. The prop falls onto the stage, making another lovely hole as it goes down through the floors, going down and down and down and down…the curtain falls quickly and Anamae rushes onstage)  
  
Anamae: People, because of technical difficulties the play with be postponed for ten minutes. We ask that you all sit quietly and wait patiently. Thank you!!! (Dashes off-stage)  
  
Faustus: Now what the devil was that all about?  
  
Suzu: (Behind duck tape) _Mmmmppphhhhhhhhhhpppppmmmhh!!!_  
  
Faustus: What?  
  
Suzu: **MMMMMMPPPPPHHH!!!!**  
  
Faustus: (Rips off the tape) Better?  
  
Suzu: Oh shut the hell up! Someone's sabotaging the play!  
  
(Clapping heard over from the Sarafan section)  
  
Sarafan 1: Well Lord Malek will surely try and get another vampire in the next scene, am I right?  
  
Sarafan 2: He'll kill them before the night is out!  
  
Suzu: This can't be good.  
  
(Backstage)  
  
Umah: I've called in the workers and it will take them about ten minutes to repair the damage. The Zephonim vampires are already looking for the props but they said they went so far down that they've probably reached Hell by now and - Anamae, are you okay?  
  
(Looks over at authoress whose rolled up into a ball and rocking back and forth)  
  
Anamae: Can't take the - pressure…too much to think about…going insane!!!!!  
  
Umah: Oh dear. Someone get a medic in here and help her. And someone check to see if the real director is awake yet!!!!!!


	13. Act 2, Scene III

(Vorador walks up to the real director and slaps her full across the face)  
  
Raziel: Hey, I thought you once said that you would never hit a woman!!!  
  
Vorador: Desperate times call for desperate measures, dear boy. Wake up woman, wake up!!! (Shakes the director)  
  
Director: Zzzzzzzzzzzz…  
  
Raziel: She's still out.  
  
Vorador: I can see that. Did any medic come by at all?  
  
Raziel: (Thinks carefully) Yeah, and they said that with the concussion that she has that she might not wake up until the day after tomorrow, Vorador. What about Anamae?  
  
Vorador: Check for yourself. (Points at the girl which Umah is helping unroll from her fetal position and giving her a good dose of…some VERY powerful alcohol to get her back on her feet as best as she possibly could be)  
  
Raziel: (Sees the young authoress muttering to herself and now pacing back and forth. He goes up to her warily) Director-in-charge, what are we going to do now?  
  
Anamae: (Gives a sideways look at the vampire) What?  
  
Raziel: Do we cancel the play for the evening or will we continue it?  
  
Anamae: No, no, no, no, no, no!!!!!! The play will go on! It must go on!! This is my first time working on something this huge and I will not have it fall apart quite literally before my eyes! I need this in my resume to impress people! It will not become old and decrepit like the Sanctuary of the Clans!! Get the carpenters working on the stage immediately and-  
  
Raziel: Already onto it. Anything else?  
  
Anamae: Have you checked on Malek to make sure he doesn't go around and destroy anymore of the props and/or try to kill the vampire cast?  
  
Raziel: Ariel is having a 'chat' with him right now. (Motions over in the direction of the two Pillar guardians. Malek is hanging his head in shame as best as he can while Ariel is talking very loudly and very rapidly to the Guardian of Conflict)  
  
Ariel: I don't care at the moment for the continuation of the vampiric purges! We need this play to finish before you can go ahead and kill any more of them. And not all of them are as bad as we are led to believe; Umah has been helping out everyone here, Turel has actually gone out of his way to try and not hit on the female cast members, Dumah is for once not picking any random fights and Kain is…Kain is-  
  
Kain: (Listening off to the side) I'm _waaaaaaiiiiiiiiitttttttttiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnngggggggggg!!!!_  
  
Ariel: And Kain is just being Kain. If you don't stop Malek, then I'm going to have to revoke your guardianship and pass it onto someone else entirely. Do I make myself clear?  
  
Malek: Yes, Ariel. Crystal. (Walks away and mutters to himself while twirling his staff in his hands and coming very close to hitting Janos in the chest with the pointed edge) Oh sorry, vampire friend for the moment. I might of impaled you had you not stepped two inches away just in time.  
  
Janos: Remember Malek, I have a court order saying you have to stay a distance of ten feet from me at all times. (Flashes the court order, which looks very official to say the least) Got it? (The Guardian of Conflict looks at his hated nemesis for a few brief moments, then tugs haughtily on his costume's lapels and walks away…straight into a backdrop. Janos snickers as Malek tries to crawl away with as much dignity as possible)  
  
(Rahab is, at the moment, putting the final touches on his costume, a simple friar's robe without the cross since when he did try to touch it the thing nearly burned him. Zephon walks up to his older brother and nods)  
  
Zephon: Hey, maybe you should join the order Rahab. It suits you.  
  
Rahab: I still can't believe that I am the poisoner. They should have handed that part over to you.  
  
Zephon: (Voice drops dangerously low) Are you implying something by that, dear brother?  
  
Rahab: Yes, I am. Even if this is a play, I have this on my conscious and you would have been better fitted for the part since you have none to speak of!  
  
Zephon: I have a conscious! I just wouldn't want to switch costumes every few scenes. Getting in and out of this dress and brassier is harder than it looks. I really wonder how women manage to move around with their chest in the way all the time!  
  
Rahab: -I really don't want to know anything, Zephon. Anyway my next scene is coming up and if these strange happenings for the play continue then I will never go onstage.   
  
Zephon: (Exasperated) Rahab, get over it already! IT. IS. A PLAY. A play, not real life!!  
  
Rahab: But it makes me think of that fling I had with that water nymph a summer back. Do you think that's she might be out there watching me?  
  
Zephon: I don't know; why are you asking me these questions? Go away!!! (Runs in the opposite direction with his hands above his head and screaming at the top of his lungs. Turel walks in from one of the many doors leading off to the rooms below the stage and tisked)  
  
Turel: Rahab, if I know anything about women - which is to say I know quite a bit - then most likely that that water nymph is sitting in the audience looking for you to come on.  
  
Rahab: You think so?  
  
Turel: (Parts a small section of the curtain and points over to a section of the audience where a sign reads: _Mystical Beings Only_) See, she's right over there! (Points to an alluring water nymph with her many other nymph friends) In fact, I might go over and introduce myself after the play.  
  
Rahab: Oh no you won't! (Punches Turel in the face…and it looks like the prince won't be able to play his part for the next while. Dumah walks by and sees the so-called peaceful friar Rahab standing over the broken nosed Turel)  
  
Dumah: And the people say I have anger management problems.  
  
(In the audience)  
  
Moebius: What is taking so long for this play to start up again?  
  
Mortanius: Well, there are two rather large holes in the stage and from the sounds coming from behind the curtains they are trying to fix the problem as best as they can.  
  
Dejoule: (Sarcastically) No, you think so.  
  
Nupraptor: I know so!!!!  
  
Bane: No one cares to know what you know, Nupraptor, so do what you do best and be quiet and then go insane after the play's over.  
  
Nupraptor: Why am I not respected here?  
  
Random Seraphim: If anyone's not respected from the Circle, it is Moebius.  
  
Moebius: (Looks over at the blue skinned Ancient) What? I was under the impression that I was popular! Aren't I popular? (Looks over at the Circle guardians; watches them shake their heads)  
  
Random Seraphim: With all the popcorn being thrown at you, as well as the water, blood, guts and other random projectiles, someone would think that you would take a hint. Also, in the brief time here, I have gotten the vampires, Seraphim and Sarafan to sign a petition against you.  
  
Moebius: What type of petition?  
  
Random Seraphim: Just asking you to castrate yourself and then throw yourself off a high cliff to your death. (Hands the long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long…_it's a very long list_…hands it to Moebius and sits back in his seat)  
  
Moebius: What?! Mortanius, you signed this?  
  
Mortanius: Yes.  
  
Moebius: Dejoule? Bane? Ancarothe? He's not even here!!!  
  
Nupraptor: See, I signed my name right here. The little smiley face adds affect, don't you think? (Points to his scrawled signature with a little smiley face beside it. The look that crosses Moebius' face can only be described best as being pissed off. Nupraptor ducked down in his seat in fear and even Mortanius began to grow a little worried)  
  
(Four rows up and off to the left)  
  
Suzu: Hey, is that Moebius beating Nupraptor over the head with his hourglass?  
  
Faustus: I do believe it is. Oh, now Mortanius has gotten into the fight. For someone who looks quite frail, he can actually punch Moebius quite far.  
  
Suzu: (Drinking her root beer) Yeah, Moebius is down and…uh-oh, the Time Streamer is back up and he had accidentally kicked Dejoule in the face!  
  
Faustus: (Getting involved in the fight like Suzu) And now Nupraptor is fighting back by lifting up his chair and hitting Moebius over the head with it but the old man has moved to the left and the Guardian of the Mind has hit Bane!  
  
Suzu: Is Dejoule allowed to kick an old man in the nuts?  
  
Faustus: I don't know Moebius personally but in this case I'm going to let that rule slide!  
  
(In fact, a fair number of people be they vampire, Seraphim or Sarafan have now started placing bets as they watch the Pillar Guardians duke it out WWF style. All sorts of projectiles by Nupraptor are hitting Moebius, while Dejoule is kicking and scratching Bane's face as the druid is trying to wrestle Mortanius off of him. From somewhere someone has put on the _'Egg Song'_ from Dragonhalf)  
  
Marcus: Pathetic.  
  
Sebastian: I agree.  
  
(Faustus turns around to see the two other vampires from Blood Omen 2 waiting in the aisle, arms folded across their chest while they watch the fight)  
  
Faustus: Hey, you guys finally decided to arrive. Saved the seats for you two right here. Suzu, move down two seats!  
  
Suzu: No way, I was here first. (Looks over and sees Marcus and gets all lovey-dovey. She grabs the psychic vampire by the arm and drags him to a seat right beside her, using her wings to bash a Sarafan Glyph knight out of his seat) All right, you can sit beside me!  
  


Sarafan Glyph Knight: Hey, I paid for that seat!

  
Marcus: (Nervously looks at Suzu) All right.   
  
Sebastian: (Sits down between Marcus and Faustus) So what have we missed?  
  
Faustus: Well, the first act seemed to be going well, but I do believe that half the cast was drunk and the other half did not know their lines properly. A few men are dressed as women because there were not enough women to play the parts and Kain…well let me just say that Kain dressed in tights and prancing around onstage making a fool of himself was well worth the price of the ticket. In the second act, which hasn't even finished, I believe that the props are being damaged on purpose and one tree fell into the stage and created a giant hole, which is now be repaired. Also Juliet's tower crashed and that is being repaired as well.  
  
Marcus: And we missed all of this? Damn it all Sebastian, I told you we shouldn't have stopped along the way to feed off of those impudent humans. But no, you just had to go and see how many heads you could rip off in less than ten seconds and make a new record for yourself. (Looks at the programme for the play) Where is the director so I can go and complain?  
  
Suzu: Knocked out!  
  
Sebastian: How?  
  
Suzu: (Smiles and munches on her popcorn, then speaks around the giant mouthful) A big fight over something trivial. The director got punched out and Anamae - she's the speaker for the whole 'Romeo and Juliet' play - has taken over!  
  
Sebastian: Why is it taking so long for the play to go on?  
  
Marcus: Why don't you go and find out?  
  
Sebastian: You said you wanted to go and complain.  
  
Marcus: Well I have decided against it. Besides you're tall, dark and scary so you can go and intimidate this Anamae easily enough.  
  
Sebastian: I am not tall, dark and scary-looking!  
  
Suzu: Hey, no one is going to go and intimidate Anamae! She's having enough troubles, as it is, buddy!!! (Sebastian and Suzu glare at each other, vampire staring down the half human/Seraphim. Faustus ducks down in his chair and waits for Sebastian to go berserk when suddenly-)  
  
Dejoule: Watch out! (Crashes into the small group) Sorry, excuse me! Pissed off woman coming through!!! (Jumps back down the rows of seats and attacks Moebius, grabbing him by the head and bashing him into the floor)  
  
Marcus: Go! Beat that old man up even if I do not know who he is or what his purpose in life might be!!!  
  
Suzu: Hey, did you guys sign the petition against Moebius? Faustus and I did!  
  
Sebastian: (Flatly) No.  
  
Suzu: Hey, Seraphim, we need the petition list up here! There are two vampires who want to sign it!!!!! (List is sent up and Marcus and Sebastian sign it, and then send it back down to Moebius. Upon seeing two new names to the list, Moebius screams out in anger and bashes Nupraptor over the head with his staff)  
  
Marcus: This is very interesting to see, even more than this play. Suzu, will you come with me afterwards to get more food at the stand?  
  
Suzu: Sure!  
  
Faustus: (Whispers to Sebastian) Somehow I think it was wrong to make those two sit together. Oh dear god, and there goes Bane, fried by Dejoule's energy. I do hope this play continues quickly!


	14. Act 2, Scene IV

Raziel: All right, I am ready to go! (Fixes up his tights and vest, then turns to a crew member) How do I look?  
  
Crew member: Buddy, I ain't gay but if I was then I guess if I was, like some other vampire around here, then I'd take you on! (Walks away carrying a lamp over one shoulder)  
  
Kain: I AM NOT GAY!!!!!!!  
  
Raziel: (Slightly confused) Was that good or bad?  
  
Dumah: Don't ask me, I'm wearing my armour!  
  
Raziel: You're not even going to consider getting into costume?  
  
Dumah: What type of person wants to see me in tights? Seriously?  
  
Raziel: Fangirls?  
  
Dumah: (Snorts) Yeah, B.S. to that. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go and ask Janos the secret to the rice pudding that is served in the Sarafan fortress in Meridian. (Walks off)  
  
Raziel: Someone has issues.  
  
(Anamae comes in from the stage and looks at Raziel, then nods appreciatively)  
  
Anamae: Hey, looking good Raz. And where could Benvolio be? (Looks for Benvolio) Oh my god, he hasn't been…eaten, has he? Actor playing Benvolio, you're up!!! Where are you now!?  
  
(Melchiah comes in at that moment, looking a little bit rosier than he did five minutes ago. Of course after he hears Anamae calling for the Benvolio actor, the vampire does a neat little about turn and is about to head out when she grabs him but the umm, er…ah…chest)  
  
Melchiah: (Nervously) Hi?  
  
Anamae: (Dangerously) Did you eat the Benvolio actor?  
  
Raziel: Don't answer that question if you want to live, little brother!  
  
Melchiah: Maybe I did eat him and maybe I am going to make a nice pair of gloves out of the skin from his back!!!  
  
Anamae: (Shrieks) NO!!!!   
  
(People in the audience are silent for a few moments, and then a glyph knight speaks)  
  
Glyph knight: And someone has died.  
  
(The conversation resumes but for Melchiah in the wings it looks like the beginning of hell for him)  
  
Anamae: First Dumah runs the first actor through and now you eat the second one? What is it, a curse against all Benvolio actors?  
  
Melchiah: Seems so! Ack, please don't choke me!!! (Makes choking sound as Anamae's hands wrap around his throat)   
  
Anamae: I'll kill you, Melchiah! I'll kill you!  
  
Raziel: (Pulls Anamae off his youngest brother) Whoa girl, whoa! We'll find another actor, okay? There are about three understudies per main character, so that means there's one last understudy that we can go through, all right? Someone get the last understudy and tell him to make his will just in case!  
  
(Melchiah weakly crawls away as the last understudy, a young man who looks very nervous, comes near the director)  
  
Benvolio: Here, Ma'am!  
  
Anamae: Just get onstage and play out the next scene with Raziel. Okay?  
  
Benvolio: Alright!  
  
(Walks onto the stage with Raziel behind him. Anamae groans, hoping that nothing bad will happen to him. Then she turns around and sees one peeved off Kain looking at her)  
  
Anamae: Kain! What a nice surprise!  
  
Kain: I. AM. NOT. GAY.  
  
Anamae: Umm, could this wait until the next intermission? Kain? Kain, back away from me, you have that dangerous look in your eyes! Ariel, someone help me! Remember ruler of Nosgoth; you're up in this scene so you can't hurt me, which means that you might hurt yourself as well! Eep!!  
  
(Onstage the curtain has risen once again, showing a crowded street with a magnificent backdrop that looks like it had been taken from Meridian's Upper City, which it indeed had been. Raziel and Benvolio the third enter from the right)  
  
Raziel: (Makes a pose and the fangirls in the audience once again begin to swoon) Where the devil should this Romeo be?  
Came he not home to-night?  
  
Benvolio: Not to his father's; I spoke with his man.  
  
Raziel: Ah, that same pale hard-hearted wench, that Rosaline.  
Torments him so, that he will sure run mad.  
  
Benvolio: Tybalt, the kinsman of old Capulet,  
Hath sent a letter to his father's house.  
  
Raziel: A challenge, on my life.  
  
Benvolio: Romeo will answer it.  
  
Raziel: Any man that can write may answer a letter.  
  
Benvolio: Nay, he will answer the letter's master, how he  
dares, being dared.  
  
Raziel: Alas poor Romeo! he is already dead; stabbed with a  
white wench's black eye; shot through the ear with a  
love-song; the very pin of his heart cleft with the  
blind bow-boy's butt-shaft: and is he a man to  
encounter Tybalt?  
  
Benvolio: Why, what is Tybalt?  
  
Raziel: More than prince of cats, I can tell you. O, he is  
the courageous captain of compliments. He fights as  
you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance, and  
proportion; rests me his minim rest, one, two, and  
the third in your bosom: the very butcher of a silk  
button, a duellist, a duellist; a gentleman of the  
very first house, of the first and second cause:  
ah, the immortal passado! the punto reverso! the  
hai!  
  
Benvolio: The what?  
  
Raziel: The pox of such antic, lisping, affecting  
fantasticoes; these new tuners of accents! 'By Jesu,  
a very good blade! a very tall man! a very good  
whore!' Why, is not this a lamentable thing,  
grandsire, that we should be thus afflicted with  
these strange flies, these fashion-mongers, these  
perdona-mi's, who stand so much on the new form,  
that they cannot at ease on the old bench? O, their  
bones, their bones!  
  
(Backstage, Dumah is standing between Kain and Anamae to make sure that his father does not kill the young woman before the night is out)  
  
Dumah: Is my character being slandered out there?  
  
Anamae: No, they're just saying that Tybalt is the best fighter in all of Verona and that anyone who fights with him is already dead.  
  
Dumah: Yes, just like in real life. (Smirks to himself and begins to polish his blade)  
  
Anamae: You did get a fake blade this time, right?  
  
Dumah: No.  
  
Kain: (Hears his cue) And I must go now, but I am watching you, child. (Points threateningly to Anamae, then walks onstage)  
  
Benvolio: Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo.  
  
Raziel: All right, you don't have to start chanting it, you moron. Without his roe, like a dried herring: flesh, flesh,  
how art thou fishified! Now is he for the numbers  
that Petrarch flowed in: Laura to his lady was but a  
kitchen-wench; marry, she had a better love to  
be-rhyme her; Dido a dowdy; Cleopatra a gipsy;  
Helen and Hero hildings and harlots; Thisbe a grey  
eye or so, but not to the purpose. Signior  
Romeo, bon jour! there's a French salutation  
to your French slop. You gave us the counterfeit  
fairly last night.  
  
Kain: (Gives the best smug look in the entire world) Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you?  
  
Raziel: The slip.  
  
Kain: Pardon, good Mercutio, my business was great; and in  
such a case as mine a man may strain courtesy.  
  
Raziel: (Looks at one of the people passing by and begins to feel a little hungry himself, now understanding what struck Melchiah) That's as much as to say, such a case as yours  
constrains a man to bow in the hams.  
  
Kain: Meaning, to court'sy.  
  
Raziel: (Begins to look slightly angry) Thou hast most kindly hit it.  
  
Kain: (Still with the smug look on his face) A most courteous exposition.  
  
Raziel: Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy.  
  
Kain: Pink for flower.  
  
Raziel: Right.  
  
Kain: Why, then is my pump well flowered.  
  
Raziel: (Says in a most un-Shakespearian way) What the hell does that mean, Romeo? Just get the bloody point and tell us where the hell you were last night! (Resumes back to his old self) Nay, if thy wits run the wild-goose chase, I have  
done, for thou hast more of the wild-goose in one of  
thy wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole five:  
was I with you there for the goose?  
  
Kain: Thou wast never with me for any thing when thou wast  
not there for the goose.  
  
Raziel: I will bite thee by the ear for that jest.  
  
Audience: Ewwwwww.  
  
Kain: Nay, good goose, bite not.  
  
Raziel: Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting; it is a most  
sharp sauce.  
  
Kain: And is it not well served in to a sweet goose?  
  
Raziel: O here's a wit of cheveril, that stretches from an  
inch narrow to an ell broad!  
  
Kain: I stretch it out for that word 'broad;' which added  
to the goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose.  
  
Raziel: Why, is not this better now than groaning for love?  
now art thou sociable, now art thou Romeo; now art  
thou what thou art, by art as well as by nature:  
for this drivelling love is like a great natural,  
that runs lolling up and down to hide his bauble in a hole.  
  
(In the audience)  
  
Suzu: What is Raziel getting at? Why is Kain playing all these mind games with him to begin with? I really feel sorry for Raziel!  
  
Elder God: (Seated in the very back; whispers to Suzu) Because Kain likes to play mind games and if Raziel knew anything he would kill the master vampire where he stands. But Fate still has a few more cards to play in her hand before the final card is dealt.  
  
Suzu: What?  
  
Elder God: Oops, I am sorry, I spoke out of turn. Never mind anything that I have said, just go back and watch the show.  
  
Marcus: Is anyone slightly concerned that there's a massive blue squid with one eye behind us calling himself a god?  
  
Faustus: Ah, you get use to it.  
  
(Back onstage)  
  
Benvolio: Stop there, stop there.  
  
Raziel: Thou desirest me to stop in my tale against the hair.  
  
Benvolio: Thou wouldst else have made thy tale large.  
  
Raziel: O, thou art deceived; I would have made it short:  
for I was come to the whole depth of my tale; and  
meant, indeed, to occupy the argument no longer.  
  
Kain: Here's goodly gear!  
  
(Points towards the left side of the stage; Zephon takes his cue and comes on. People in the audience begin to groan)  
  
Some person in the Sarafan section: Oh dear god, I can't stand another long speech! AHHHHH!!! (Runs out of the theatre house and continues running until he meets up with the Pillars and then continues to run)  
  
Zephon: Whatever. (Speaks in a high voice as he 'sways' up to the small group, stopping in front of Raziel and stomping on his foot with his high heel) God ye good morrow, gentlemen.  
  
Raziel: (Pained voice) God ye good den, fair gentlewoman.  
  
Zephon: Is it good den?  
  
Raziel: 'Tis no less, I tell you, for the bawdy hand of the  
dial is now upon the prick of noon. (Whispers to Zephon) Get off my foot, you jerk or you're going to regret it.  
  
Zephon: Make me! Out upon you! what a man are you!  
  
Kain: One, gentlewoman, that God hath made for himself to  
mar.  
  
Zephon: By my troth, it is well said; 'for himself to mar,'  
quoth a'? Gentlemen, can any of you tell me where I  
may find the young Romeo?  
  
Kain: I can tell you; but young Romeo will be older when  
you have found him than he was when you sought him:  
I am the youngest of that name, for fault of a worse.  
  
Zephon: (Looks Kain over and snickers slightly) You say well.  
  
Raziel: Yea, is the worst well? very well took, i' faith;  
wisely, wisely.   
  
Zephon: If you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with  
you.  
  
Benvolio: She will indite him to some supper.  
  
Raziel: (Slaps a hand on Benvolio's back and begins to laugh with him) A bawd, a bawd, a bawd! so ho!  
  
Kain: What hast thou found?  
  
Raziel: No hare, sir; unless a hare, sir, in a lenten pie,  
that is something stale and hoar ere it be spent. (Some music begins to play as at this point Raziel is meant to sing. Backstage Turel, Umah, Ariel, Malek, Janos, and anyone else with half a mind plug their ears shut. Raziel might be a talented fighter, and one good looking guy, but he sure as hell can't hit the notes) An old hare hoar,  
And an old hare hoar,  
Is very good meat in lent  
But a hare that is hoar  
Is too much for a score,  
When it hoars ere it be spent.  
Romeo, will you come to your father's? we'll  
to dinner, thither.  
  
Kain: Dear gods Raziel, you suck!! (Punches Raziel in the mouth to shut him up. Raziel falls back into the waiting arms of Benvolio and looks dazed for a few moments. Kain turns back to Zephon) I will follow you.  
  
Raziel: (Still singing, if woozily, with a broken jaw) Farewell, ancient lady; farewell, 'lady, lady, lady.'  
(Dragged offstage by Benvolio and that is the end of that)   
  
Zephon: Marry, farewell! I pray you, sir, what saucy  
merchant was this, that was so full of his ropery?  
  
Kain: A gentleman, nurse, that loves to hear himself talk,  
and will speak more in a minute than he will stand  
to in a month.  
  
Zephon: (Serious for the moment) That's the real Raziel we all know of. An a' speak any thing against me, I'll take him  
down, an a' were lustier than he is, and twenty such  
Jacks; and if I cannot, I'll find those that shall.  
Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills; I am  
none of his skains-mates. And thou must stand by  
too, and suffer every knave to use me at his pleasure? Now, afore God, I am so vexed, that every part about  
me quivers. Scurvy knave! Pray you, sir, a word:  
and as I told you, my young lady bade me inquire you  
out; what she bade me say, I will keep to myself:  
but first let me tell ye, if ye should lead her into  
a fool's paradise, as they say, it were a very gross  
kind of behavior, as they say: for the gentlewoman  
is young; and, therefore, if you should deal double  
with her, truly it were an ill thing to be offered  
to any gentlewoman, and very weak dealing.  
  
Kain: Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress. I  
protest unto thee-  
  
Zephon: Good heart, and, i' faith, I will tell her as much:  
Lord, Lord, she will be a joyful woman.  
  
Kain: What wilt thou tell her, nurse? thou dost not mark me.  
  
Zephon: I will tell her, sir, that you do protest; which, as  
I take it, is a gentlemanlike offer.  
  
Kain: Bid her devise  
Some means to come to shrift this afternoon;  
And there she shall at Friar Laurence' cell  
Be shrived and married. Here is for thy pains. (Gives Zephon a pouch filled with blood instead of the usual money. Another one of the original director's ideas since there are so many vampires participating in the play)  
  
Zephon: No truly sir; not a penny.  
  
Kain: Go to; I say you shall.  
  
Zephon: This afternoon, sir? well, she shall be there.  
  
Kain: And stay, good nurse, behind the abbey wall:  
Within this hour my man shall be with thee  
And bring thee cords made like a tackled stair;  
Which to the high top-gallant of my joy  
Must be my convoy in the secret night.  
Farewell; be trusty, and I'll quit thy pains:  
Farewell; commend me to thy mistress.  
  
Zephon: Now God in heaven bless thee! Hark you, sir.  
  
Kain: What say'st thou, my dear nurse?  
  
Zephon: Is your man secret? Did you ne'er hear say,  
Two may keep counsel, putting one away?  
  
Kain: I warrant thee, my man's as true as steel.  
  
Zephon: Well, sir; my mistress is the sweetest lady--Lord,  
Lord! when 'twas a little prating thing:--O, there  
is a nobleman in town, one Paris, that would fain  
lay knife aboard; but she, good soul, had as lief  
see a toad, a very toad, as see him. I anger her  
sometimes and tell her that Paris is the properer  
man; but, I'll warrant you, when I say so, she looks  
as pale as any clout in the versal world. Doth not  
rosemary and Romeo begin both with a letter?  
  
Kain: Ay, nurse; what of that? both with an R.  
  
Zephon: Ah. mocker! that's the dog's name; R is for  
the--No; I know it begins with some other  
letter:--and she hath the prettiest sententious of  
it, of you and rosemary, that it would do you good  
to hear it.  
  
Kain: Commend me to thy lady.  
  
Zephon: Aye, I shall. Good day to you, Romeo.  
  
(Curtain falls and Kain sighs. Now with that out of the way, he can now go back to Anamae and complain about her saying he was gay before, which he is not! Zephon followed behind Kain and tapped his father on the shoulder)  
  
Zephon: Did you really have to punch Raziel so hard?  
  
Kain: His singing is awful. I've heard cats that can sing better than he can.  
  
Zephon: Agreed, but now he will have a swollen jaw besides the black eye that he got from Moebius beforehand.  
  
Kain: Whatever, like it matters to me.  
  
Zephon: Father, can I ask you a question in all seriousness?  
  
Kain: What?  
  
Zephon: Are you really gay?  
  
Kain: (Begins to pull at his white hair) No, I am not gay! I like wearing leather pants because they're the style in Nosgoth for all male vampires, I don't wear a shirt because I have one fine chest to show off to all the women, and I keep my hair long because it makes me look all the more beautiful. (Voice drops low) But then I could say that you are 'fruity' because of the dress you are wearing.  
  
Zephon: Understood, father. I won't bring up this topic again. (Hurries off towards the water cooler) Idiot.  
  
Kain: And now to get ready for the marriage of Romeo to Juliet! (Begins laughing evilly with a spotlight on him and sinister music floating through the air. People give the master vampire weird looks and hurry on while the crew members try and change the music as quickly as possible and move the spotlight away from Kain)  
  
  
  
DHA: Hey, thank you everyone for signing the petition!! (Takes it from everyone and hands it to Moebius) All right, as you can see you are not wanted so get lost.  
  
Moebius: You cannot get rid of me!  
  
DHA: Yes I can! And everyone else doesn't want you around as well; that's why this petition was created and signed. Power to the people.  
  
Moebius: I am the Guardian of Time, dear child and I do not have to go if I do not want to.  
  
DHA: (Begins to panic slightly) Oh boy, maybe I didn't think this through entirely. (Turns to the reviewers) Here's the t-shirts for everyone as promised! And to anyone else whose reviwed this chapter as well, you get for a limited time the LoK 'Romeo and Juliet' coffee mug! (The reviewers, characters from the other fanfics/play and audience members all grab the nice 100% cotton t-shirts and place them on, grinning insanely)  
  
Moebius: This is not over yet, Anamae! Just you wait.  
  
DHA: Umm, I think I might need a little help getting rid of Moebius now. Anyone, hello, someone help me here!!! Old man at 12 o'clock who looks pissed off at me! AIIIIIIEEEEE!!! 


	15. Act 2, Scene V

Raziel: All right, I am ready to go! (Fixes up his tights and vest, then turns to a crew member) How do I look?  
  
Crew member: Buddy, I ain't gay but if I was then I guess if I was, like some other vampire around here, then I'd take you on! (Walks away carrying a lamp over one shoulder)  
  
Kain: I AM NOT GAY!!!!!!!  
  
Raziel: (Slightly confused) Was that good or bad?  
  
Dumah: Don't ask me, I'm wearing my armour!  
  
Raziel: You're not even going to consider getting into costume?  
  
Dumah: What type of person wants to see me in tights? Seriously?  
  
Raziel: Fangirls?  
  
Dumah: (Snorts) Yeah, B.S. to that. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go and ask Janos the secret to the rice pudding that is served in the Sarafan fortress in Meridian. (Walks off)  
  
Raziel: Someone has issues.  
  
(Anamae comes in from the stage and looks at Raziel, then nods appreciatively)  
  
Anamae: Hey, looking good Raz. And where could Benvolio be? (Looks for Benvolio) Oh my god, he hasn't been…eaten, has he? Actor playing Benvolio, you're up!!! Where are you now!?  
  
(Melchiah comes in at that moment, looking a little bit rosier than he did five minutes ago. Of course after he hears Anamae calling for the Benvolio actor, the vampire does a neat little about turn and is about to head out when she grabs him but the umm, er…ah…chest)  
  
Melchiah: (Nervously) Hi?  
  
Anamae: (Dangerously) Did you eat the Benvolio actor?  
  
Raziel: Don't answer that question if you want to live, little brother!  
  
Melchiah: Maybe I did eat him and maybe I am going to make a nice pair of gloves out of the skin from his back!!!  
  
Anamae: (Shrieks) _NO!!!!_   
  
(People in the audience are silent for a few moments, and then a glyph knight speaks)  
  
Glyph knight: And someone has died.  
  
(The conversation resumes but for Melchiah in the wings it looks like the beginning of hell for him)  
  
Anamae: First Dumah runs the first actor through and now you eat the second one? What is it, a curse against all Benvolio actors?  
  
Melchiah: Seems so! Ack, please don't choke me!!! (Makes choking sound as Anamae's hands wrap around his throat)   
  
Anamae: I'll kill you, Melchiah! I'll kill you!  
  
Raziel: (Pulls Anamae off his youngest brother) Whoa girl, whoa! We'll find another actor, okay? There are about three understudies per main character, so that means there's one last understudy that we can go through, all right? Someone get the last understudy and tell him to make his will just in case!  
  
(Melchiah weakly crawls away as the last understudy, a young man who looks very nervous, comes near the director)  
  
Benvolio: Here, Ma'am!  
  
Anamae: Just get onstage and play out the next scene with Raziel. Okay?  
  
Benvolio: Alright!  
  
(Walks onto the stage with Raziel behind him. Anamae groans, hoping that nothing bad will happen to him. Then she turns around and sees one peeved off Kain looking at her)  
  
Anamae: Kain! What a nice surprise!  
  
Kain: I. AM. NOT. GAY.  
  
Anamae: Umm, could this wait until the next intermission? Kain? Kain, back away from me, you have that dangerous look in your eyes! Ariel, someone help me! Remember ruler of Nosgoth; you're up in this scene so you can't hurt me, which means that you might hurt yourself as well! Eep!!  
  
(Onstage the curtain has risen once again, showing a crowded street with a magnificent backdrop that looks like it had been taken from Meridian's Upper City, which it indeed had been. Raziel and Benvolio the third enter from the right)  
  
Raziel: (Makes a pose and the fangirls in the audience once again begin to swoon) Where the devil should this Romeo be?  
Came he not home to-night?  
  
Benvolio: Not to his father's; I spoke with his man.  
  
Raziel: Ah, that same pale hard-hearted wench, that Rosaline.  
Torments him so, that he will sure run mad.  
  
Benvolio: Tybalt, the kinsman of old Capulet,  
Hath sent a letter to his father's house.  
  
Raziel: A challenge, on my life.  
  
Benvolio: Romeo will answer it.  
  
Raziel: Any man that can write may answer a letter.  
  
Benvolio: Nay, he will answer the letter's master, how he  
dares, being dared.  
  
Raziel: Alas poor Romeo! he is already dead; stabbed with a  
white wench's black eye; shot through the ear with a  
love-song; the very pin of his heart cleft with the  
blind bow-boy's butt-shaft: and is he a man to  
encounter Tybalt?  
  
Benvolio: Why, what is Tybalt?  
  
Raziel: More than prince of cats, I can tell you. O, he is  
the courageous captain of compliments. He fights as  
you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance, and  
proportion; rests me his minim rest, one, two, and  
the third in your bosom: the very butcher of a silk  
button, a duellist, a duellist; a gentleman of the  
very first house, of the first and second cause:  
ah, the immortal passado! the punto reverso! the  
hai!  
  
Benvolio: The what?  
  
Raziel: The pox of such antic, lisping, affecting  
fantasticoes; these new tuners of accents! 'By Jesu,  
a very good blade! a very tall man! a very good  
whore!' Why, is not this a lamentable thing,  
grandsire, that we should be thus afflicted with  
these strange flies, these fashion-mongers, these  
perdona-mi's, who stand so much on the new form,  
that they cannot at ease on the old bench? O, their  
bones, their bones!  
  
(Backstage, Dumah is standing between Kain and Anamae to make sure that his father does not kill the young woman before the night is out)  
  
Dumah: Is my character being slandered out there?  
  
Anamae: No, they're just saying that Tybalt is the best fighter in all of Verona and that anyone who fights with him is already dead.  
  
Dumah: Yes, just like in real life. (Smirks to himself and begins to polish his blade)  
  
Anamae: You did get a fake blade this time, right?  
  
Dumah: No.  
  
Kain: (Hears his cue) And I must go now, but I am watching you, child. (Points threateningly to Anamae, then walks onstage)  
  
Benvolio: Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo.  
  
Raziel: All right, you don't have to start chanting it, you moron. Without his roe, like a dried herring: flesh, flesh,  
how art thou fishified! Now is he for the numbers  
that Petrarch flowed in: Laura to his lady was but a  
kitchen-wench; marry, she had a better love to  
be-rhyme her; Dido a dowdy; Cleopatra a gipsy;  
Helen and Hero hildings and harlots; Thisbe a grey  
eye or so, but not to the purpose. Signior  
Romeo, bon jour! there's a French salutation  
to your French slop. You gave us the counterfeit  
fairly last night.  
  
Kain: (Gives the best smug look in the entire world) Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you?  
  
Raziel: The slip.  
  
Kain: Pardon, good Mercutio, my business was great; and in  
such a case as mine a man may strain courtesy.  
  
Raziel: (Looks at one of the people passing by and begins to feel a little hungry himself, now understanding what struck Melchiah) That's as much as to say, such a case as yours  
constrains a man to bow in the hams.  
  
Kain: Meaning, to court'sy.  
  
Raziel: (Begins to look slightly angry) Thou hast most kindly hit it.  
  
Kain: (Still with the smug look on his face) A most courteous exposition.  
  
Raziel: Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy.  
  
Kain: Pink for flower.  
  
Raziel: Right.  
  
Kain: Why, then is my pump well flowered.  
  
Raziel: (Says in a most un-Shakespearian way) What the hell does that mean, Romeo? Just get the bloody point and tell us where the hell you were last night! (Resumes back to his old self) Nay, if thy wits run the wild-goose chase, I have  
done, for thou hast more of the wild-goose in one of  
thy wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole five:  
was I with you there for the goose?  
  
Kain: Thou wast never with me for any thing when thou wast  
not there for the goose.  
  
Raziel: I will bite thee by the ear for that jest.  
  
Audience: Ewwwwww.  
  
Kain: Nay, good goose, bite not.  
  
Raziel: Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting; it is a most  
sharp sauce.  
  
Kain: And is it not well served in to a sweet goose?  
  
Raziel: O here's a wit of cheveril, that stretches from an  
inch narrow to an ell broad!  
  
Kain: I stretch it out for that word 'broad;' which added  
to the goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose.  
  
Raziel: Why, is not this better now than groaning for love?  
now art thou sociable, now art thou Romeo; now art  
thou what thou art, by art as well as by nature:  
for this drivelling love is like a great natural,  
that runs lolling up and down to hide his bauble in a hole.  
  
(In the audience)  
  
Suzu: What is Raziel getting at? Why is Kain playing all these mind games with him to begin with? I really feel sorry for Raziel!  
  
Elder God: (Seated in the very back; whispers to Suzu) Because Kain likes to play mind games and if Raziel knew anything he would kill the master vampire where he stands. But Fate still has a few more cards to play in her hand before the final card is dealt.  
  
Suzu: What?  
  
Elder God: Oops, I am sorry, I spoke out of turn. Never mind anything that I have said, just go back and watch the show.  
  
Marcus: Is anyone slightly concerned that there's a massive blue squid with one eye behind us calling himself a god?  
  
Faustus: Ah, you get use to it. (Waves a hand dismissively)  
  
(Back onstage)  
  
Benvolio: Stop there, stop there.  
  
Raziel: Thou desirest me to stop in my tale against the hair.  
  
Benvolio: Thou wouldst else have made thy tale large.  
  
Raziel: O, thou art deceived; I would have made it short:  
for I was come to the whole depth of my tale; and  
meant, indeed, to occupy the argument no longer.  
  
Kain: Here's goodly gear!  
  
(Points towards the left side of the stage; Zephon takes his cue and comes on. People in the audience begin to groan)  
  
Some person in the Sarafan section: Oh dear god, I can't stand another long speech! _AHHHHH!!!_ (Runs out of the theatre house and continues running until he meets up with the Pillars and then continues to run)  
  
Zephon: Whatever. (Speaks in a high voice as he 'sways' up to the small group, stopping in front of Raziel and stomping on his foot with his high heel) God ye good morrow, gentlemen.  
  
Raziel: (Pained voice) God ye good den, fair gentlewoman.  
  
Zephon: Is it good den?  
  
Raziel: 'Tis no less, I tell you, for the bawdy hand of the  
dial is now upon the prick of noon. (Whispers to Zephon) Get off my foot, you jerk or you're going to regret it.  
  
Zephon: Make me! Out upon you! what a man are you!  
  
Kain: One, gentlewoman, that God hath made for himself to  
mar.  
  
Zephon: By my troth, it is well said; 'for himself to mar,'  
quoth a'? Gentlemen, can any of you tell me where I  
may find the young Romeo?  
  
Kain: I can tell you; but young Romeo will be older when  
you have found him than he was when you sought him:  
I am the youngest of that name, for fault of a worse.  
  
Zephon: (Looks Kain over and snickers slightly) You say well.  
  
Raziel: Yea, is the worst well? very well took, i' faith;  
wisely, wisely.   
  
Zephon: If you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with  
you.  
  
Benvolio: She will indite him to some supper.  
  
Raziel: (Slaps a hand on Benvolio's back and begins to laugh with him) A bawd, a bawd, a bawd! so ho!  
  
Kain: What hast thou found?  
  
Raziel: No hare, sir; unless a hare, sir, in a lenten pie,  
that is something stale and hoar ere it be spent. (Some music begins to play as at this point Raziel is meant to sing. Backstage Turel, Umah, Ariel, Malek, Janos, and anyone else with half a mind plug their ears shut. Raziel might be a talented fighter, and one good looking guy, but he sure as hell can't hit the notes) An old hare hoar,  
And an old hare hoar,  
Is very good meat in lent  
But a hare that is hoar  
Is too much for a score,  
When it hoars ere it be spent.  
Romeo, will you come to your father's? we'll  
to dinner, thither.  
  
Kain: Dear gods Raziel, you suck!! (Punches Raziel in the mouth to shut him up. Raziel falls back into the waiting arms of Benvolio and looks dazed for a few moments. Kain turns back to Zephon) I will follow you.  
  
Raziel: (Still singing, if woozily, with a broken jaw) Farewell, ancient lady; farewell, 'lady, lady, lady.'  
(Dragged offstage by Benvolio and that is the end of that)   
  
Zephon: Marry, farewell! I pray you, sir, what saucy  
merchant was this, that was so full of his ropery?  
  
Kain: A gentleman, nurse, that loves to hear himself talk,  
and will speak more in a minute than he will stand  
to in a month.  
  
Zephon: (Serious for the moment) That's the real Raziel we all know of. An a' speak any thing against me, I'll take him  
down, an a' were lustier than he is, and twenty such  
Jacks; and if I cannot, I'll find those that shall.  
Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills; I am  
none of his skains-mates. And thou must stand by  
too, and suffer every knave to use me at his pleasure? Now, afore God, I am so vexed, that every part about  
me quivers. Scurvy knave! Pray you, sir, a word:  
and as I told you, my young lady bade me inquire you  
out; what she bade me say, I will keep to myself:  
but first let me tell ye, if ye should lead her into  
a fool's paradise, as they say, it were a very gross  
kind of behavior, as they say: for the gentlewoman  
is young; and, therefore, if you should deal double  
with her, truly it were an ill thing to be offered  
to any gentlewoman, and very weak dealing.  
  
Kain: Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress. I  
protest unto thee-  
  
Zephon: Good heart, and, i' faith, I will tell her as much:  
Lord, Lord, she will be a joyful woman.  
  
Kain: What wilt thou tell her, nurse? thou dost not mark me.  
  
Zephon: I will tell her, sir, that you do protest; which, as  
I take it, is a gentlemanlike offer.  
  
Kain: Bid her devise  
Some means to come to shrift this afternoon;  
And there she shall at Friar Laurence' cell  
Be shrived and married. Here is for thy pains. (Gives Zephon a pouch filled with blood instead of the usual money. Another one of the original director's ideas since there are so many vampires participating in the play)  
  
Zephon: No truly sir; not a penny.  
  
Kain: Go to; I say you shall.  
  
Zephon: This afternoon, sir? well, she shall be there.  
  
Kain: And stay, good nurse, behind the abbey wall:  
Within this hour my man shall be with thee  
And bring thee cords made like a tackled stair;  
Which to the high top-gallant of my joy  
Must be my convoy in the secret night.  
Farewell; be trusty, and I'll quit thy pains:  
Farewell; commend me to thy mistress.  
  
Zephon: Now God in heaven bless thee! Hark you, sir.  
  
Kain: What say'st thou, my dear nurse?  
  
Zephon: Is your man secret? Did you ne'er hear say,  
Two may keep counsel, putting one away?  
  
Kain: I warrant thee, my man's as true as steel.  
  
Zephon: Well, sir; my mistress is the sweetest lady--Lord,  
Lord! when 'twas a little prating thing:--O, there  
is a nobleman in town, one Paris, that would fain  
lay knife aboard; but she, good soul, had as lief  
see a toad, a very toad, as see him. I anger her  
sometimes and tell her that Paris is the properer  
man; but, I'll warrant you, when I say so, she looks  
as pale as any clout in the versal world. Doth not  
rosemary and Romeo begin both with a letter?  
  
Kain: Ay, nurse; what of that? both with an R.  
  
Zephon: Ah. mocker! that's the dog's name; R is for  
the--No; I know it begins with some other  
letter:--and she hath the prettiest sententious of  
it, of you and rosemary, that it would do you good  
to hear it.  
  
Kain: Commend me to thy lady.  
  
Zephon: Aye, I shall. Good day to you, Romeo.  
  
(Curtain falls and Kain sighs. Now with that out of the way, he can now go back to Anamae and complain about her saying he was gay before, which he is not! Zephon followed behind Kain and tapped his father on the shoulder)  
  
Zephon: Did you really have to punch Raziel so hard?  
  
Kain: His singing is awful. I've heard cats that can sing better than he can.  
  
Zephon: Agreed, but now he will have a swollen jaw besides the black eye that he got from Moebius beforehand.  
  
Kain: Whatever, like it matters to me.  
  
Zephon: Father, can I ask you a question in all seriousness?  
  
Kain: What?  
  
Zephon: Are you really gay?  
  
Kain: (Begins to pull at his white hair) No, I am not gay! I like wearing leather pants because they're the style in Nosgoth for all male vampires, I don't wear a shirt because I have one fine chest to show off to all the women, and I keep my hair long because it makes me look all the more beautiful. (Voice drops low) But then I could say that you are 'fruity' because of the dress you are wearing.  
  
Zephon: Understood, father. I won't bring up this topic again. (Hurries off towards the water cooler) Idiot.  
  
Kain: And now to get ready for the marriage of Romeo to Juliet! (Begins laughing evilly with a spotlight on him and sinister music floating through the air. People give the master vampire weird looks and hurry on while the crew members try and change the music as quickly as possible and move the spotlight away from Kain)

DHA: Hey, thank you everyone for signing the petition!! (Takes it from everyone and hands it to Moebius) All right, as you can see you are not wanted so get lost.  
  
Moebius: You cannot get rid of me!  
  
DHA: Yes I can! And everyone else doesn't want you around as well; that's why this petition was created and signed. Power to the people.  
  
Moebius: I am the Guardian of Time, dear child and I do not have to go if I do not want to.  
  
DHA: (Begins to panic slightly) Oh boy, maybe I didn't think this through entirely. (Turns to the reviewers) Here's the t-shirts for everyone as promised! And to anyone else whose reviwed this chapter as well, you get for a limited time the LoK 'Romeo and Juliet' coffee mug! (The reviewers, characters from the other fanfics/play and audience members all grab the nice 100% cotton t-shirts and place them on, grinning insanely)  
  
Moebius: This is not over yet, Anamae! Just you wait.  
  
DHA: Umm, I think I might need a little help getting rid of Moebius now. Anyone, hello, someone help me here!!! Old man at 12 o'clock who looks pissed off at me! AIIIIIIEEEEE!!!


	16. Act 2, Scene VI...The Wedding

(Backstage everyone is getting ready for the wedding of Romeo and Juliet. The costume that Ariel has to get dressed into was spared no expense thanks to the still-knocked-out directress. Made of the rare white silk of Mikitiki - a tropical island to the sound of Nosgoth - with the hem, neckline and the wrists studded with diamonds, a long train flows out behind the dress. Of course all the actresses and female work crews eye the dress, mentally noting that once Ariel has no more need of it they will steal it and get married in it. Ariel comes floating in from one of the many doors)  
  
Ariel: (Sees the dress) Oh dear.  
  
Anamae: (Pops up from nowhere) You like it, Ariel?! 'Cuz I sure do. When you get dressed up in this thing, I bet Kain, whose eyes were popping out before, will literally roll onto the floor.  
  
Melchiah: (Walking by) Eww, that's gross.  
  
Anamae: Hey, you skin people Melchiah so you can't point fingers. (Turns back to Ariel and sees the vacant look in the ghost's one eye) Ariel, you okay? Ariel. (Snaps her fingers)  
  
Ariel: -What?  
  
Anamae: Just go and get changed. (Hands the wedding dress to Ariel and shoves her into a changing room) Now I have to go and check on Kain.  
  
(At Kain's dressing room. Raziel and Turel are standing outside the closed door, trying to contain their laughter as best as they can while they hear Kain wrestle with his new costume within. Raziel's broken jaw has been fixed, but besides the bruise on his eye, he now has a lovely welt running along the left side of his face. Even with the make-up, his pretty face is quickly becoming something far less)  
  
Kain: Damn it all!!! (Crashes and the sound of a rat being stepped on) Stupid boots, dumbass tights, get on!!!  
  
Raziel: (Snickering) Hey dad, you sure you don't need any help?  
  
Kain: (Through the door) NO!  
  
Turel: You sound like you do, dad.   
  
Kain: (Yelling through the door) I don't NEED any help! Ack, this damn collar frilly thing is trying to strangle me! Must I wear these white tights; they'll clash horribly with my white skin!  
  
(More crashes and the sound of glass smashing can be heard easily as Anamae pushes past the two Lieutenants who are now laughing uncontrollably and knocks on the door)  
  
Anamae: Kain, do you need some help?  
  
Kain: No, I don't need any help.  
  
Anamae: (Hears the cursing) It sounds like you do. You can't ruin the costume or else I'll have to pay for it! Damn it just let me come in and help you. (Opens the door and walks in; Kain gives a high girly scream as the door shuts behind Anamae)  
  
Turel: (Pressing his ear to the door) I can't hear anything…wait I think I do…nope, my mistake, it was nothing.  
  
Raziel: It's quiet in there. Do you think she killed him?  
  
Turel: (Worried look) We better go and check it out!  
  
(Both vampires kick down the massive door and rush in to save their father, the master vampire of all Nosgoth and who most likely has been subdued by a young girl. What they do see shocks and terrifies them, even more than the time they saw Vorador run around the streets of Meridian wearing a red Speedo. Kain is sitting down in a high-backed chair, wearing the usual 14th century costume, but the colour is pure white with gold piping around the shoulders and waist. He's also wearing the white tights with the ridiculously high black boots, and one again the puffy shirt. The look on the vampire's face is one of sheer annoyance, arms folded defiantly across his chest while Anamae is brushing his hair)  
  
Raziel: --Dad? Dad, is that you?!  
  
Kain: Shut up or else I'm going to make sure that I rip off your lower jaw entirely, Raziel, and perhaps most of your stomach too.  
  
Turel: (Strained) CAN'T. HOLD. LAUGHTER. (Turns to Raziel) Excuse me.   
  
(Turel runs quickly out of the room, down the halls of the theatre house, outside into the streets of the city, across the country, over the bridge heading south, runs past the Pillars and finally drops down near the ocean and begins to laugh crazily. Even from the theatre house, once can hear the second-eldest Lieutenant's laughter. Turel will not be back for quite a while)  
  
Anamae: Okay, I've brushed your hair, applied the make-up and you're ready to go, Kain. Go and find Ariel. I have to see where Rahab and Zephon are, not to mention Janos and Malek. (Points a finger at Kain) But if you do ruin that costume, then I'll have your head on a pike!  
  
(Anamae leaves)  
  
Kain: Thank the dark gods, namely me. Raziel, go and make yourself useful. (Gets up and walks past his first-born)  
  
Raziel: What the hell does he mean by that?  
  
(As Kain walks down the halls looking for Ariel, the female cast and crew begin to follow the master vampire. After all, he IS dressed up for a wedding, he IS one of the most eligible bachelors in Nosgoth and the women are damn sure that after Ariel doesn't need that wedding dress anymore, one of THEM will take it and quickly get married to Kain. Of course he doesn't know all of this yet, but when Kain does become aware of these arrangements he'll do what he always does…runs from his problems)  
  
Kain: (Walks up to Ariel's changing room) Ariel, you in there?  
  
Ariel: (Voice muffled by the door) Yes. Don't come in or else I'll throw a pot at you.  
  
Kain: I won't. What makes you think I will? Of course, it IS tempting. (Snickers)  
  
Ariel: Oh no, you don't. (Opens the door and floats out, wearing the wedding dress. She looks at Kain and Kain looks at her) Well, you most certainly look…dashing.  
  
Kain: (A red tinge comes to his pale features) And you look very…beautiful.  
  
Cast & crew: _Aaaawwwwwwwwww_.  
  
Ariel: Where the hell did them come from? Everyone, go away! Shoo!  
  
Anamae: Picture time! (Pops in from nowhere, takes a picture of the two, then leaves before Kain can cut her apart with the Soul Reaver)  
  
Vorador: (Talking to Umah) See, they make a good couple. Why don't you find a vampire to settle down with?  
  
Umah: Because I have to run the Cabal, Vorador.  
  
(Janos and Malek, who were fighting only moments before, look at Kain and Ariel)  
  
Malek: Wow, they almost do look like the perfect couple. Perhaps there is hope; where a world can be created where vampires and humans can co-exist side by side.  
  
Janos: Do you really think so, Malek? I believe it is about time someone else realized that besides Lord Turel and me.  
  
Malek: What?! I'm joking, you stupid Ancient. (Draws his pole arm) And now to kill you!  
  
Janos: (Sighs tiredly) And now I fly off again! (Flies off with the Sarafan Paladin chasing after him and screaming curses. Anamae quickly climbs on top of a box and waves her clipboard in the air)  
  
Anamae: All right people, one more scene to do and then you can all have your second intermission. I know everyone's tired and cranky, but let's get through this scene with no foul ups and the rest of the play should go smoothly. Places people, places. Make sure the backdrops in place! Curtain cue get ready! Music, we need the music people! And Kain, Ariel!! A word with you two. (Takes them off to the side) Instead of just walking back behind the wings, go down the steps of the audience and through the main aisle like it is the real thing, the you two can quickly loop around the back and come to the back of the stage, okay? This is such a flash of inspiration that I got; maybe I could be a director in real life!  
  
Kain & Ariel: NO!  
  
(Anamae walks out as dignified as possible to the stage as everyone gets ready for the last scene in _Act 2_. She looks up at the crowded balcony and shakes her head, grinning slightly to herself. In the audience, the authoress can see that the Sarafan have nearly whipped themselves into a frenzy over the marriage for some reason or another, the Seraphim have confetti and flowers waiting to be thrown and even the vampires somehow managed to get a hold of noisemakers to celebrate Kain/Romeo's 'marriage'. But the scary thing is that the Elder God, seated all the way at the back, has a top hat on his head and is quickly tying a black bow in place. In fact it looks like everyone has somehow changed into formal wear as if the wedding was the real thing)  
  
Anamae: (Under her breath) Oh god, this might be a little complicated. (Clears her throat) Now we give you the last scene in the second Act. Once again we ask you to refrain from violent outbreaks with your hated foes, namely Moebius, and to enjoy the wedding of 'Romeo' and 'Juliet'. (Anamae adds particular significance to the name of the characters in the play, but it seems to pass over everyone. With a sigh, she turns to leave. The curtain rises, and the audience quiets down, waiting expectantly)  
  
(Soft light fills the stage and the strumming of a harp can be heard in the background. The backdrop is the inside of the Cathedral taken from the Upper City of Meridian, complete with the pews and pillars - spared no expense. Candles line the altar, the stain glass is aglow with something akin to holy light and Rahab stands straight and dignified. Beside him is Kain in his new costume. A couple of women in the audience sigh as they look at the handsome vampire lord)  
  
Rahab: (Holding a book in his hands) So smile the heavens upon this holy act,  
That after hours with sorrow chide us not!  
  
Kain: (A grin on his face) Amen, amen! but come what sorrow can,  
It cannot countervail the exchange of joy  
That one short minute gives me in her sight:  
Do thou but close our hands with holy words,  
Then love-devouring death do what he dare;  
It is enough I may but call her mine.  
  
Rahab: These violent delights have violent ends  
And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
Which as they kiss consume: the sweetest honey  
Is loathsome in his own deliciousness  
And in the taste confounds the appetite:  
Therefore love moderately; long love doth so;  
Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.  
  
(Ariel's cue is called and she enters from the left wing. Nupraptor almost gets up from his seat at the sight of his girlfriend but Dejoule and Bane quickly pull him back down. Hopefully Nupraptor will remember that this is only a play and not real life. Ariel floats up to Kain and takes his hand in her own)  
  
Rahab: Here comes the lady: O, so light a foot  
Will ne'er wear out the everlasting flint:  
A lover may bestride the gossamer  
That idles in the wanton summer air,  
And yet not fall; so light is vanity.  
  
Ariel: Good even to my ghostly confessor.   
  
Rahab: (Smiles at Ariel) Romeo shall thank thee, daughter, for us both.  
  
Ariel: As much to him, else is his thanks too much.  
  
Kain: Ah, Juliet, if the measure of thy joy  
Be heap'd like mine and that thy skill be more  
To blazon it, then sweeten with thy breath  
This neighbour air, and let rich music's tongue  
Unfold the imagined happiness that both  
Receive in either by this dear encounter.  
  
Ariel: Conceit, more rich in matter than in words,  
Brags of his substance, not of ornament:  
They are but beggars that can count their worth;  
But my true love is grown to such excess  
I cannot sum up sum of half my wealth.  
  
Rahab: Come, come with me, and we will make short work;  
For, by your leaves, you shall not stay alone  
Till holy church incorporate two in one.  
  
(Both approach the altar. Nupraptor leans over to Bane)  
  
Nupraptor: Wait a minute! Ariel's is getting married to Kain? But she said that I was the only man in her life!  
  
Dejoule: (Whispering fiercely) Shut up! If you dare ruin this scene I'll burn you to a crisp!  
  
Nupraptor: (Begins to struggle and tries to break out of Bane's chokehold) No! Ariel's meant to be with me, not that vampire!!!  
  
Rahab: Do you, Romeo Montague, take Juliet Capulet to be your wife, to love and to hold her, in sickness and health, in joy and in pain, through richness and in poorness, until death doth tear you apart?  
  
Kain: (Winks over at Ariel) I do.  
  
Rahab: (Turns to Ariel) And do you, Juliet Capulet, take Romeo Montague-  
  
Nupraptor: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! (Everyone in the theatre house turns to look as the Guardian of the Mind literally flips Bane over his back and onto the ground, and then rushes up the steps and onto the stage. He grabs for Ariel's hand and pushes Kain away at the same time) Ariel, you can't marry Kain. I'm the one you love. Me, me, me! (Stomps his foot on the ground) **ME!**  
  
Ariel: Nupraptor, it is only a play and you're ruining it!  
  
Nupraptor: No, it's not a play, it's real life. If you do this, then you're getting married to Kain when you promised to get married to me!  
  
Kain: Nupraptor, get yourself off the stage right now or else I'll slice your head off again!  
  
Nupraptor: (Looks over at Kain with the insane look to his eyes while protectively holding Ariel) She's mine Kain! I called her first dammit, and there is no way I am letting her go! Rahab, you're a friar! Marry us here, right now!  
  
Rahab: (Helpless look in his eyes) I'm not a real holy man. The Bishop of Meridian is. (Points to the bishop, who's sitting down in the Sarafan section. The old man waves) This is a play, Guardian of the Mind, not real life. Kain doesn't wish to marry Ariel; this is not real life. I repeat it is not real life.  
  
Nupraptor: Stop playing tricks with my mind, little vampire. Marry us here and now!  
  
Ariel: Nupraptor, let go…of me…can't breath…stop acting…like…an idiot!  
  
Kain: Very well, Nupraptor. You have left me no choice but to use brute force. (Kain takes out the Soul Reaver and raises it above his head. Before he can actually swing it down at Nupraptor, the not so brave Pillar Guardian faints) Well, that was unexpected. (Kicks the unconscious man off the stage and turns back to Rahab) Keep going.  
  
Rahab: Ahem, I am sorry Rodeo and Juliet for that --- did I say Romeo or _Rodeo_?  
  
Kain: (Through clenched teeth) _Rodeo_.  
  
Rahab: Oh, I am sorry. All this excitement is getting to me. (Turns to Ariel) Do you, Juliet Capulet, take Romeo Montague to be your husband, to love and to hold him, in sickness and health, in joy and in pain, through richness and in poorness, until death doth tear you apart?  
  
Ariel: I do.  
  
Rahab: Then with the powers vested in me by God the Most high, I wed you two in sacred marriage. (Places their hands together and watch them kiss) God bless.  
  
(A big cheer erupts from the audience. The vampires begin to use their noisemakers, air horns, and anything else that makes noise but won't kill them; the Seraphim throw brightly coloured confetti at the stage as well as the flowers, and the Sarafan/humans send up balloons with the words _'Congratulations'_ and _'Newly Weds'_ on them. Ariel and Kain walk arm in arm down the steps and up the main aisle while all of this is still happening)  
  
Kain: It feels like real life.  
  
Ariel: Yes, it does. It's all rather exhilarating. (Catches a rose) Well, I guess this is my bouquet!  
  
(Ariel and Kain leave the audience behind as they walk through the doors. Anamae comes out onstage, grinning wildly. It went off much better than expected; Nupraptor is out again and has also just been zapped by Dejoule)  
  
Anamae: And that now concludes _Act 2_. We ask that you all file out this time in orderly rows, stretch your legs and get something to eat. The next act begins within a half hour. Thank you.


	17. The Second Intermission

Elder God: Excuse me people, pardon me. Deity coming through. Sorry ma'am! (Tips his top hat in the direction of a noblewoman he almost walked…err, slid over) And now on my way to the refreshment stand. Ahh, that was quite the wedding. I do hope that Romeo and Juliet actually stay together.  
  
Moebius: (Walking beside the Elder God and still covered in melted butter, blood, guts and other things that are best left unmentioned) Actually my lord, Romeo and Juliet-  
  
Elder God: (Threateningly) Are you going to spoil the play for me?  
  
Moebius: Well, I did read the script before seeing the actual play and I do know how it ends. I can say right now-  
  
Elder God: Silence, Moebius. If you dare tell me anything I'll strip you of your powers and slap you silly with these tentacles of mine! I am also sure that no one else wants the play ruined by you. (Looks at the vampires, humans and Seraphim that are milling about in the halls) Am I right, inhabitants of Nosgoth?  
  
Everyone else: YES! (Everyone throws food/heavy objects at the Time Guardian)  
  
Moebius: Ouch, that paperweight was made of iron!! (Mutters to him while he goes to the washroom to try and clean himself off)  
  
Elder God: (Comes up to the food stands. Hash'ak'git is now in charge of the counter and William the Just is sorting the boxes. Both sport some lovely bruises along their faces, arms and chest) I would like to buy your most expensive treat here. Money is not an option for I am a god.  
  
Hash'ak'git: (Looks up at the giant blue 'squid' with some concern) All right, we have for about 10$ a cheesecake of three layers, the first layer filled with chocolate fudge, the second layer filled with I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Chocolate fudge and the third layer is filled with Suicidal Chocolate fudge.  
  
Elder God: Might you have something less…chocolaty?  
  
Hash'ak'git: …Well, I could always take that king behind me and dip him in chocolate, then tie him to a stick and you could eat him.  
  
William the Just: HEY!!! Hash, you promised not to do anything like that!!!!  
  
Elder God: That IS tempting…but I am on a diet and I gave up eating humans a while back. No, I believe I shall have the strawberry tarts, cinnamon rolls, two -no- _three_ apple pies, ten scoops of maple ice cream, the box of M&M's…better make that five boxes, a Twix bar, four large bags of buttered popcorn with extra salt and three large drinks; Pepsi.  
  
Hash'ak'git: (Putting everything onto the counter) So what was that about being on a diet?  
  
Elder God: You dare question me, demon?!  
  
Hash'ak'git: (In a small voice) No sir. That comes up to a grand total of 367.89$.  
  
Elder God: Charge it to the Time Streamer Moebius' account. You have my permission. (Takes all of his food and moves off to one side) Oh, all of this food will go straight to my fifteen thighs, but I don't care.  
  
(Bane and Mortanius walk up to the food booth)  
  
Bane: Finally, we made it. (Looks at Hash and smiles) I would like to have a healthy fruit salad, demon, with extra apples.  
  
Hash'ak'git: We only serve sweets here, hippie druid.  
  
Bane: Are you sure? Isn't there a law that all concession stands must be stocked with something healthy?  
  
Hash'ak'git: Not at my stand. We only serve sweets here, the type that'll make you humans nice and fat to eat later on when the demon race rules Nosgoth.  
  
Bane: That is a rude thing to say, demon. Now I can see why our races will never get along.  
  
Hash'ak'git: Look, either chose something or just leave!  
  
Bane: Any healthy protein drinks?  
  
(Hash'ak'git turns around behind him, takes a cup of water and hands it to the druid)  
  
Hash'ak'git: This is all we have that doesn't come with sugar, alcohol, preservatives or some other crap in it that doesn't natural exist in nature. Now take it and move on.  
  
Bane: (Takes the cup of water) You haven't heard the last of me. (Walks off)  
  
Hash'ak'git: Yeah right. Next! (Looks at Mortanius) You?!  
  
Mortanius: You! Well, the mighty Hash'ak'git is now reduced to serving drinks and food for the people! How I laugh at you. (The necromancer makes a feeble attempt to laugh and try to look brave at the same time)  
  
Hash'ak'git: Hello, weren't you here with your friends during the last intermission?  
  
Mortanius: Yes, but we never actually got this far in the long line. (Indicates the long line behind him that stretches all the way to the end of the theatre house, loops up the grand staircase, down the other side, around a couple of more halls and then outside in the back) So now that I am finally here, how about we put everything in the past behind us, where it is suppose to be, and you do your work and I will do mine?  
  
Hash'ak'git: (Stony voice) You laughed at me and insulted me.  
  
Mortanius: Yes, I did.  
  
Hash'ak'git: (Voice cracking) You know, demons have feelings too.  
  
Mortanius: You do?  
  
Hash'ak'git: (Beginning to cry) Yes, we do! If you'll excuse me, I have something in my eye. Someone else take over!!! (The black demon runs off sobbing like a little girl)  
  
William: (Comes back up to the cash) All right, what can I get for you then, Mortanius?  
  
Mortanius: Is it all right to feel a little bad for making Hash cry like that? (Points off in the direction where the demon ran)  
  
William: (Shrugs his shoulders) He only does it to get attention. Hash will be himself again in not time, don't worry about it.  
  
Mortanius: Very well, then I will have-  
  
(Further down the food line, behind Lorant, Zofia and Adojan and ahead of Serin, Alden and Ezra - sorry, once again this authoress has no control whatsoever. Please do not take offence in anyway)   
  
Suzu: (Whining) Marcus, charm them or something. We've been standing in the same place for the past five minutes!!  
  
Faustus: (Panicking) Don't listen to her Marcus! I remember the last time an argument started; Suzu was thrown through the wall. See, you can still see the outline over there. (Points to the cartoon outline of Suzu against the far wall) And we have a half hour until the next Act begins.  
  
Suzu: I can't wait that long!!!  
  
Marcus: I could charm everyone and get him or her moving…  
  
Suzu: Go for it!  
  
Marcus: …but they were here in front of us so I won't do that. History abhors line cutters.  
  
Sebastian: Where have I heard something like that before?  
  
Marcus: Oh, and are you suggesting then that you should do something?  
  
Sebastian: If the line doesn't move soon, then I will and damn what history thinks. (The line moves forwards about three inches) Very well, the line is moving, but it is at a slow pace that I find could go much faster.  
  
Suzu: (Singsong) Go berserk, slay the people, drink their blood on the steeple!  
  
Sebastian: Shut up.  
  
Suzu: (Singsong) Go berserk, slay the people, rip their heads off and place them on the steeple!  
  
Sebastian: Cut it out.  
  
Suzu: (Singsong) Go berserk, slay the people, eat their food upon the steeple.  
  
Sebastian: What the hell is it with you and that steeple?!  
  
Suzu: (Singsong and Marcus joining in) Go berserk, slay the people, eat their hearts with the steeple. Go berserk, slay the people, in Meridian dance upon the steeple!  
  
Lorant: (Turns around) Would you stop that? It's really getting annoying!  
  
Suzu: No. Why don't you make me?  
  
Lorant: Why? Oh, I don't know; I give up! (Turns back around and covers his ears with his claws, trying to drown out the awful singing. Adojan has conveniently placed on earmuffs, from where we do not know but that doesn't matter. He doesn't have to hear the singing of Marcus and Suzu)  
  
Zofia: Really Suzu, could you just act your age and stop being so immature? Your song holds no meaning, it rhymes back along itself and it gets annoying after only three verses.  
  
Suzu: When you get as old as I am, you really don't give a damn to what other people say. And my song here does hold meaning! I'm trying to make Sebastian go berserk, then he will kill the people, the line will move on quickly and I'll be able to get my food.   
  
Marcus: Do you see the hidden message in this song?  
  
Alden: If you guys don't shut up, then I am personally going to place my foot up where the sun does not shine, Marcus!  
  
Marcus: And where might that be? (Faustus leans over and whispers in his ear) Oh.  
  
Ezra: Sebastian.  
  
Sebastian: (Turns to look behind him) What?  
  
Ezra: _…Sebassssttttiiiiiiaaaaaaannnnnnnn!!!!_  
  
Sebastian: (Annoyed) What?  
  
Ezra: _Seeeeeeeeebbbbbbbbbbaaaaaaaasssssssssssstttttttiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn!!_  
  
Sebastian: (Pissed off) WHAT?! Why the hell do you keep calling out my name, you little runt? What is it that you want from me!!!  
  
Ezra: Hello.  
  
Sebastian: **ARGH!!!**  
  
Faustus: Holy shit, Sebastian's really gone berserk!!!! Everyone run if you value your life!  
  
Serin: (Picked up by the berserk Sebastian and tossed into the far wall, where a lovely indent of her is formed in the marble) Sebastian hit me! Now you're going to get it!   
  
(She charges towards Sebastian, fists raised and ready to punch him with Ezra following for the hell of it. Lorant has also gotten into the fight because…hell, a fight's a fight! Adojan is still waiting in line, oblivious to anything because he is wearing his earmuffs and Faustus standing beside him, once again wiping his hands clean of this fight. Alden and Marcus are exchanging blows while Suzu and Zofia are still yelling about the song)  
  
Suzu: Don't tell me that my singing sucks! I happen to have quite the voice!  
  
Zofia: Are you saying that I can't sing?!  
  
Suzu: Maybe I am!!! And another thing girl-  
  
Zofia: Don't you dare call me a girl!!! I'm over 2,000 years old!  
  
Suzu: And I'm well over 6,000!  
  
Zofia: I'm going to go and get my father!!! (Begins to fly off)  
  
Suzu: Oh yeah, running away, are we? Baby, cry-baby!   
  
(Zofia turns around and flies back towards Suzu. Suzu in turn, spreads her own wings and begins to fight Zofia. People at the back of the line begin to scatter as they see the damage that the fight is causing, not to mention Sebastian grabbing a hold of anyone that comes within arm's reach and tossing them as far as possible, but before doing that he of course rips them apart too and drinks their blood)  
  
Moebius: (Coming out of the men's washroom) Ahh, finally I got the blood off. Oh, happy days are here again. (Sees Sebastian bearing down on him, snarling and growling like some insane beast. The smile fades from Moebius' face and he goes pale) Oh dear.  
  
* * *  
  
(Backstage)  
  
Janos: (Hears the crashes and thumps of another fight in the halls) Why cannot anyone get along with anyone else for just one evening? Why must everyone fight? At least I know that the Seraphim will not be causing any trouble. We have managed quite well this evening to keep the peace.  
  
Umah: (Sitting beside him while holding a glass of champagne in her hand) I suppose, but all good things must come to an end eventually. I feel sorry for Nupraptor.   
  
(Janos and Umah are sitting on the edge of the stage, looking at the charred form of Nupraptor, who is somehow still alive. Dejoule is pounding him with one of her high-heels, screeching at him all the while to at least once act like a grown-up)  
  
Janos: I have never heard such a number of obscenities in one sentence. Actually, it's quite remarkable.  
  
Umah: Agreed.   
  
(Dumah suddenly comes crashing out on the stage with a look of pure horror on his face)  
  
Dumah: Help me! Someone hide me!!! (Dives in front of Umah and Janos)  
  
Janos: Hide you from what, boy?  
  
Dumah: Costume…horrible Tybalt costume.  
  
Umah: Oh please, is everyone is going to be wearing tights for the evening, then you will as well. Come to think of it, there is not much of a difference between the leather pants you wear everyday and the tights needed for your costume.  
  
Dumah: There's a world of difference!!! Ah, hide me!!!  
  
(The costume designer comes out onstage)  
  
Janos: Wow, she almost looks like the director.  
  
Umah: (Whispering) I think that is her cousin twice removed.  
  
Costume designer: (Talking in a thick accent) Vhere is the vhampire?  
  
Janos: (Points to his wings) Hiding behind them.  
  
Costume designer: I vhank you. Come along, vhampire, time to get dressed in zee tights. (Reaches behind Janos' wings and grabs Dumah in a grin like iron)  
  
Dumah: (Claws dragging into the wood as he's hauled behind the curtains) For god's sake, someone help me! Someone help me!!!!!!!!!  
  
Umah: Well, that was interesting. Tell me, do you know where Ariel and Kain are?  
  
Janos: Haven't got a clue.  
  
(Suddenly, for no apparent reason other that the reason Turel gives it, he comes out of one side of the stage with Melchiah, Rahab and Zephon. Humming the can-can theme, the four Lieutenants can-can across the stage and exit to the other side. He peers around the corner and grins)  
  
Turel: Stay tuned for our next appearance!! (Vanishes)  
  
Janos: (Takes the champagne from Umah and downs it in one gulp) Very weird!  
  
* * *  
  
(At the front of the theatre house)  
  
Anamae: (Standing alone) Okay, why was I called out here? Is this some sort of prank? (Looks at her cell phone) Shoddy piece of equipment. Oh well, it's not even mine so I don't have to worry about the bill anyways.  
  
(Suddenly a large golden carriage drawn by 8 midnight black horses pulls up beside her. The driver, a snooty butler, hops off from the driving seat and onto the ground, and then walks around to the back of the carriage. Grabbing a large red carpet, the butler unrolls it. The carpet makes a nice straight line all the way up to the entrance of the Nosgoth Theatre House. Looking down at the young woman with a snooty glare that only butlers can give, he opens the carriage door)  
  
Butler: Presenting the Sarafan Lord of Meridian, defender of all Nosgoth from the evils that may plague it.  
  
(The Sarafan Lord steps out of the carriage and looks down at Anamae)  
  
Sarafan Lord: Are you the one directing this play…(consults the flyer)…'Romeo and Juliet'?  
  
Anamae: Yes, for the moment.  
  
Sarafan Lord: Good. I would like to see it. (Begins to walk towards the theatre house) Oh, you may help my butler with my throne.  
  
Anamae: Your throne? (Butler tosses the authoress a massive golden throne. Anamae, bent nearly double with the weight, runs after the Sarafan Lord and at the same time holding the throne) Listen buddy, you can't just walk in like this!  
  
Sarafan Lord: Why not?  
  
Anamae: I'll need to see your ticket!  
  
Sarafan Lord: I do not require a ticket to see this. I am the Sarafan Lord.  
  
Anamae: Yeah, and I'm one of Vorador's brides, like that will ever happen!  
  
Vorador: (From inside the theatre house) That can be arranged!!!!  
  
Anamae: _OH SHUT UP!!!_ (Turns back to the Sarafan Lord) Look, if you have no ticket then I can't let you in. It's policy. And get someone else to carry your throne; I'm no one's lapdog! (Drops the throne with an almighty clang)  
  
Sarafan Lord: (Looks down at Anamae) I am going to see this play whether I have a ticket or not. You would do well to help me out in anyway you possible can girl, or else. (Makes a slashing motion across his neck with his hand)  
  
Anamae: (Rubbing her neck) Umm, I think there might be some seats available in the balcony section…but I'm not carrying your throne!  
  
Sarafan Lord: Very well. (Snaps his fingers) Keeves, carry the throne.  
  
(The butler Keeves walks up, still as snooty as hell, fixes his tie and then somehow manages to carry the massive throne easily in one hand. Anamae opens up the doors and leads the Sarafan Lord inside the massive building. Going up the many flights of stairs and making sure not to run into any vampires or Sarafan guards, the trio finally make their way to the balcony. Keeves set the golden throne down and quickly leaves, only to come back with a small cart carrying food for his lord)  
  
Sarafan Lord: Ah yes, this looks like a good spot. I can see everything from here…even the vampires on the stage that I will soon kill. Yes, I shall kill them all.  
  
Anamae: No, no, no. You're going to stay here and be quiet, eat your food and watch the play. You cannot kill any vampires because some of them are the actors and I need them to all stay alive until the end of opening night and then even afterwards. You also cannot 'pretend' you did not try and kill anyone because I'm watching you.   
  
Sarafan Lord: Very well. When does the play continue?  
  
Anamae: You've just entered in the middle of it and there's about fifteen minutes left to the intermission so you have about fifteen minutes to go. (Walks off) If it isn't Malek, it's the Sarafan Lord. If it's not the Sarafan Lord, it's going to be Moebius. If it's not Moebius, then it's….a perfect world.  
  
(The director-in-charge walks by a broom closet, then stops and comes back when she hears something inside. Pressing her ear to the door, her face goes beet-red. Standing back quickly, Anamae pounds on the door)  
  
Anamae: All right, you horny teenagers! This is no place for the likes of you people! Don't dirty the theatre house! Come out right now or you're going to get it! (Opens the door) Kain!? Ariel?!  
  
Kain: (Smoothing back his hair. Awkward silence follows) Well, it seems that we did lose our way Ariel. This is most defiantly not the powder room on the eastern wing.  
  
Ariel: Yes, it most certainly isn't. (Brushes down her dress and come out beside Kain. Anamae is still looking at the two in shock)  
  
Kain: You don't dare tell anyone anything about this, understand Anamae?  
  
Anamae: (Nods; big eyes) Un-huh.   
  
Kain: Good.  
  
Ariel: We'll be waiting for you backstage, director. The next Act is in five minutes.  
  
(Ariel and Kain walk by the still shocked and horrified authoress, who is still holding the closet door open. Once they leave Anamae looks in the closet, screams, slams the door shut, then opens it, takes out a box of matches, lights the matches and tosses them into the closet, then slams and locks the door behind the fire)  
  
Anamae: …I need something to drink. Maybe the Sarafan Lord has something. Yes, he always does. Just stay calm Anamae, and try to forget everything that just happened. Selective memory, selective memory; must forget the burning mental image inside my mind. Refuse to forget the image!!!! You're already insane, but you'll be even more insane by the time the night is over. Be calm, try and think calm and relaxing thoughts…


	18. Act 3, Scene I

(Backstage)  
  
Umah: Well, everyone is assembled backstage save for Kain and Ariel. (Turns to Janos) Where did they go?  
  
Janos: (Shrugs) Don't look at me. Just because I am the oldest person in the play doesn't mean I know everything!  
  
(Suddenly Ariel and Kain almost waltz up the stairs to the backstage. They look at the cast, and the cast stares back at them. They look at the rumpled wedding gown on Ariel, Kain's rumpled costume, not to mention the lipstick on Kain's face and the blush spreading across his pale cheeks. Utter silence. Then…)  
  
Melchiah: (Turns to Malek) Aha! I told you they were off somewhere smooching. Now pay up, Pillar of Conflict!  
  
Malek: (Hands Melchiah two gold coins) I'll get you back for this, you stupid vampire. I swear to the higher powers I will.  
  
Dumah: (Comes running through the crowd screaming his head off) Someone help me!!! I hate wearing tights! (Points to the white tights he's wearing) This is undignified! This is stupid! Get me outta this costume!  
  
Costume designer: Come back here, vhampire! (Pushes through the crowd towards Dumah)  
  
Dumah: AHHH! No, get off me! I don't want to wear that vest; it isn't purple!  
  
Kain: (Walks over to Dumah) Stop being such a baby and accept it, Dumah. (Kicks him in the ribs)  
  
Costume designer: Vhank you. (Drags Dumah off again to finish his costume)  
  
Vorador: Well Kain, it seems you and Ariel have been…busy to say the least. (Winks at them)  
  
Kain: No, no, we weren't doing anything wrong or anything like that. We were…talking.  
  
Ariel: (Looks over at Kain and nods) Yes, we were talking and the conversation became very…intimate, one might say.  
  
Vorador: (Looks at the two and nods) Riiiigggghhhhhhttttt. Kain, this is for you and Ariel then; think of it as a present from me. There's no shame in it because it's all very natural. And after the play's finished, you two can continue what you guys were doing before. (Hands Kain one of those books)  
  
Kain: ….  
  
Ariel: (Nervously) Thank you very much, Vorador.  
  
Vorador: Don't mention it. Poor Nupraptor…. whatever. He was an idiot to say the least.  
  
Ariel: And now I have to go and get changed. (Floats off to her dressing room)  
  
Kain: (Looking at the book) …Is this even possible?  
  
Turel: (Walking by and sees the book; looks at the image) Only if you're extremely flexible.  
  
Kain: (Suspiciously) And how would you know?  
  
Turel: Ummmm, I have my ways dad. Oh look, I think I'm needed over there, in that spot where nothing is happening because with the look you're giving me I feel I'm going to have the stuffing beat out of me. (Walks over to the unoccupied corner and goes into his own little world)  
  
Rahab: The Act's starting soon! Where's Anamae?  
  
(In the destroyed hall of the theatre house)  
  
Anamae: (Looks at the broken walls, ceiling, the fallen chandelier, and the food stands) Great, I bet I'll be held responsible for this mess. (Looks at her watch) And now the next Act is starting and I'm going to be late for my cue.  
  
???: (Sobbing)  
  
Anamae: Hello, who's that?  
  
???: No one…  
  
Anamae: Sounds like a…(Rounds the corner and sees the broken form of Moebius after Sebastian has beaten the life out of him)…a broken old man.  
  
Moebius: Go away, I don't want you to see me like this!!!  
  
Anamae: Alright. (Begins to walk away)  
  
Moebius: Wait a minute! I don't really mean for you to walk away. I think I have internal bleeding; in desperate need of medical attention.  
  
Anamae: (Hands over her ears) I can't hear you! (Walks around to the backstage and sees everyone running around and getting ready) All right, the people needed for this scene are Raziel, the Benvolio understudy, and the third one if I am correct, Dumah…  
  
Dumah: (Running around the stage from the costume designer) Ahhh!!!!!! Don't come near me, you demoness from Hell!!!  
  
Costume designer: I'm not a full demoness; only 1/8th!!  
  
Anamae: …a couple of pages, servants which means all the extras over here! (Points to the edge of the wings) And Kain as well as Turel, Vorador, Umah, Janos and Melchiah. Wow, this scene is massive.  
  
Umah: Understandable. We have practiced our lines and it will go off smoothly.  
  
Raziel: Wait a minute. This is where Mercutio dies; I die by Dumah's hand!  
  
Dumah: (Stops running around and screaming and looks very interested) Really?  
  
Raziel: Yes.  
  
Dumah: And this is where I will show that Romeo will not kill Tybalt; I shall rule Verona after all!!!!  
  
Janos: Are you going still try and change the play?  
  
Dumah: Yes, I will change my destiny!  
  
Kain: Where have I heard that before?  
  
Raziel: From a videogame, I think.  
  
Vorador: Shush, we can't tell anyone!  
  
Melchiah: About what?  
  
Vorador: The videogames!   
  
Turel: What are you getting at?  
  
Vorador: I cannot say, only that it is important that I say no more. The conspiracy behind such a thing is better left alone; if I told you all what I knew then I would have to skin you all alive and eat out your hearts and brains. Then I shall assume my true destiny. (Strikes a pose) I shall become King of the Videogame Industry.  
  
(Blank stares from everyone)  
  
Anamae: OOOkkkkkaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!!!! (Picks up a microphone) Places everyone. Lights, sound effects, curtain!!! Ready in ten seconds!!!  
  
(Everyone makes the last few frantic preparations as the ten seconds tick down. In the audience, everyone has taken their places and eagerly await the next Act. The curtains rise up once more, showing this time a backdrop taken right out of Willendorf; one can see the library, the bakery, and even in the distance the castle. Raziel, Benvolio, some servants and a couple of pages enter in from the wings, moving effortlessly with the crowd and come to stand in the foreground)  
  
Benvolio: I pray thee, good Mercutio, let's retire:  
The day is hot, the Capulets abroad,  
And, if we meet, we shall not scape a brawl;  
For now, these hot days, is the mad blood stirring.  
  
Raziel: Thou art like one of those fellows that when he  
enters the confines of a tavern claps me his sword  
upon the table and says 'God send me no need of  
thee!' and by the operation of the second cup draws  
it on the drawer, when indeed there is no need.  
  
Benvolio: Am I like such a fellow?  
  
(The servants and pages begin to play cards in the background)  
  
Raziel: Come, come, thou art as hot a Jack in thy mood as  
any in Italy, and as soon moved to be moody, and as  
soon moody to be moved.  
  
Benvolio: And what to?  
  
Raziel: Nay, an there were two such, we should have none  
shortly, for one would kill the other. Thou! why,  
thou wilt quarrel with a man that hath a hair more,  
or a hair less, in his beard, than thou hast: thou  
wilt quarrel with a man for cracking nuts, having no  
other reason but because thou hast hazel eyes: what  
eye but such an eye would spy out such a quarrel?  
Thy head is as fun of quarrels as an egg is full of  
meat, and yet thy head hath been beaten as addle as  
an egg for quarrelling…  
  
(Looks to see the other actors playing cards. They see the vampire Lieutenant giving them a stern look and they put the cards away and replace it with a chessboard)  
  
Raziel: …thou hast quarrelled with a  
man for coughing in the street, because he hath  
wakened thy dog that hath lain asleep in the sun:  
didst thou not fall out with a tailor for wearing  
his new doublet before Easter? with another, for  
tying his new shoes with old riband? and yet thou  
wilt tutor me from quarrelling!  
  
Benvolio: An I were so apt to quarrel as thou art, any man  
should buy the fee-simple of my life for an hour and a quarter.  
  
Raziel: The fee-simple! O simple!  
  
Benvolio: By my head, here come the Capulets.  
  
Raziel: By my heel, I care not.  
  
(Dumah enters from the wings, dressed in a purple vest, the ever-present fluffy white shirt, the white tights and the high black boots. The costume designer even got him to wear the 14th century hat with a long ostrich plumb in it)  
  
Dumahim vampire in the audience: Is that Lord Dumah?  
  
Other Dumahim vampire: I don't know. He looks…different.  
  
Rahabim vampire: Without his leather pants he doesn't look so dignified.  
  
Zephonim vampire: Can I vomit in your popcorn bag? (Looks over at the Rahabim vampire)  
  
Rahabim vampire: (Edges away) No.  
  
(Dumah walks with a purposeful gait towards Raziel, murder gleaming in his eyes. He carries with him his broadsword, the same one he used to kill the first Benvolio in the first Act. Some people snicker at seeing the Clan Lord like so, but after Dumah gives the audience a 'look' they all fall silent. Not all wish to suddenly burst into flame or blow up. Dumah snaps his fingers to one of the servants behind him)  
  
Dumah: Follow me close, for I will speak to them.  
Gentlemen, good den: a word with one of you.  
  
Raziel: And but one word with one of us? couple it with  
something; make it a word and a blow.  
  
Dumah: You shall find me apt enough to that, sir, an you  
will give me occasion.  
  
Raziel: Could you not take some occasion without giving?  
  
Dumah: Mercutio, thou consort'st with Romeo,--  
  
Raziel: (Looks indignant, which is hard with his beaten up face) Consort! what, dost thou make us minstrels? an  
thou make minstrels of us, look to hear nothing but  
discords: here's my fiddlestick; here's that shall  
make you dance. 'Zounds, consort!  
  
Benvolio: We talk here in the public haunt of men:  
Either withdraw unto some private place,  
And reason coldly of your grievances,  
Or else depart; here all eyes gaze on us.  
  
Raziel: Men's eyes were made to look, and let them gaze;  
I will not budge for no man's pleasure, I. (Turns to the people playing chess) Will you for god sake's stop that and just watch us actors act?! It makes me sick!  
  
1st actor: Sorry.  
  
Raziel: Don't be sorry, just stop.  
  
2nd actor: We're sorry.  
  
Dumah: Stop saying sorry.  
  
3rd actor: We're really sorry!  
  
Raziel & Dumah: That's it! (Both draw their swords and kill the three actors; then wipe the blades and wait for the next line. Kain comes breezing in, dressed back in his old costume)  
  
Dumah: Well, peace be with you, sir: here comes my man.  
  
Raziel: But I'll be hanged, sir, if he wear your livery:  
Marry, go before to field, he'll be your follower;  
Your worship in that sense may call him 'man.'  
  
Dumah: Romeo, the hate I bear thee can afford  
No better term than this,--thou art a villain.  
  
(Silence in the audience. Then the Sarafan Lord stands up from the balcony and claps his hands)  
  
Sarafan Lord: Finally, someone who knows that Kain is indeed the villain and that we Hylden-  
  
Vorador: (Looks out from behind the curtains) What's the Sarafan Lord doing here?  
  
Umah: We're all going to die!!!!!!  
  
Anamae: (Runs out onstage and points her microphone towards the Sarafan Lord) No, no, no! The deal was you come in for free and you shut the hell up!!!!!! Don't go messing around with this play, buddy, or else I'm going to come up there and attack you with…a can opener! Yes, I'll open up your armour and pry you out of it, then beat you over the head with the Soul Reaver!  
  
Kain: No, you will not!  
  
Sarafan Lord: Kain, that sword is my rightful property!  
  
Kain: No way! I wrote my name on the blade, right here! (Points to his name etched on the blade)  
  
Sarafan Lord: Damn you Kain, you haven't won the war yet! I will find a way to beat you yet! And I shall kill all the vampires here as well!!!  
  
Audience: (Starts screaming)  
  
Anamae: SHUT UP!!!!!!! EVERYONE SHUT UP! (Everyone does shut up; the authoress points to the Sarafan Lord) Either be quiet or get lost, buddy. You do not want to see me mad! Everyone in the audience, sit down and be quiet. No one's going to be killed. The play will go on! (Rushes offstage and motions for everyone to continue)  
  
Kain: (Looking warily at the Sarafan Lord) Tybalt, the reason that I have to love thee  
Doth much excuse the appertaining rage  
To such a greeting: villain am I none;  
Therefore farewell; I see thou know'st me not.  
  
Dumah: Boy, this shall not excuse the injuries  
That thou hast done me; therefore turn and draw.  
  
Kain: I do protest, I never injured thee,  
But love thee better than thou canst devise,  
Till thou shalt know the reason of my love:  
And so, good Capulet,--which name I tender  
As dearly as my own,--be satisfied.  
  
Raziel: O calm, dishonourable, vile submission!  
Alla stoccata carries it away. (Draws his sword, which is a simple rapier) Tybalt, you rat-catcher, will you walk?  
  
Dumah: What wouldst thou have with me?  
  
Raziel: Good king of cats, nothing but one of your nine  
lives; that I mean to make bold withal, and as you  
shall use me hereafter, drybeat the rest of the  
eight. Will you pluck your sword out of his pitcher  
by the ears? make haste, lest mine be about your  
ears ere it be out.  
  
Dumah: (Draws his broadsword) I am for you.  
  
Kain: Gentle Mercutio, put thy rapier up.  
  
Raziel: Never!  
  
(Raziel and Dumah clash; their swords ring out in the silence of the theatre. The music cues up to something like climatic battle music. Dumah charges Raziel but the first-born darts to the side. Then Raziel tries to slash upwards, aiming for Dumah's throat, but the third-born steps back and Raziel goes wide. The audience is cheering now, some even standing up in their seats)  
  
Kain: (Shouting now) Draw, Benvolio; beat down their weapons.  
Gentlemen, for shame, forbear this outrage!  
Tybalt, Mercutio, the prince expressly hath  
Forbidden bandying in Verona streets:  
Hold, Tybalt! good Mercutio!  
  
(Raziel moved quickly behind Kain, thinking that hell yeah, he was going to die, but he might as well take Kain out with him for the hell of it. Unfortunately, Kain moves at the last moment as Dumah charges and the Lord of Clan Dumahim sword cuts under Raziel's ribs; the blood fountains up and over into the crowd. People begin to cry out as Raziel theatrically drops to his knees, clutching his wound. Dumah and his followers quickly leave the stage)  
  
Raziel: I am hurt.  
A plague o' both your houses! I am sped.  
Is he gone, and hath nothing?  
  
Benvolio: What, art thou hurt?  
  
Raziel: (Sarcastically) No, I've only been gutted, you idiot! Of course I'm hurt; I'm bleeding you moronic nincompoop! Ay, ay, a scratch, a scratch; marry, 'tis enough.  
Where is my page? Go, villain, fetch a surgeon.  
  
(The page that was not killed runs offstage)  
  
Kain: Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much.  
  
Raziel: B.S. You moved out of the way, you coward!  
  
Kain: I don't die just yet! Stick to your lines! (Holds Raziel in his arms)  
  
Raziel: No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a  
church-door; but 'tis enough,'twill serve: ask for  
me to-morrow, and you shall find me a grave man. I  
am peppered, I warrant, for this world. A plague o'  
both your houses! 'Zounds, a dog, a rat, a mouse, a  
cat, to scratch a man to death! a braggart, a  
rogue, a villain, that fights by the book of  
arithmetic! Why the devil came you between us? I  
was hurt under your arm.  
  
Kain: I thought all for the best.  
  
Raziel: Help me into some house, Benvolio,  
Or I shall faint. A plague o' both your houses!  
They have made worms' meat of me: I have it,  
And soundly too: your houses!  
  
(Benvolio picks up the bleeding Raziel and they go offstage as well. In the audience, everything's a tizzy)  
  
Marcus: So is he dead or just faking it?  
  
Faustus: That blood looked rather real…  
  
Suzu: Someone should go and check on him to make sure he's all right. (They look at each other, and then shrug their shoulder unconcerned and go back to watching the play)  
  
Kain: This gentleman, the prince's near ally,  
My very friend, hath got his mortal hurt  
In my behalf; my reputation stain'd  
With Tybalt's slander,--Tybalt, that an hour  
Hath been my kinsman! O sweet Juliet,  
Thy beauty hath made me effeminate  
And in my temper soften'd valour's steel!  
  
(Benvolio rushes back onstage)  
  
Benvolio: O Romeo, Romeo, brave Mercutio's dead!  
That gallant spirit hath aspired the clouds,  
Which too untimely here did scorn the earth.  
  
(In the crowd, the Raziel fangirls begin to faint and scream; some even cry)  
  
Kain: This day's black fate on more days doth depend;  
This but begins the woe, others must end.  
  
Benvolio: Here comes the furious Tybalt back again.  
  
Kain: Alive, in triumph! and Mercutio slain!  
Away to heaven, respective lenity,  
And fire-eyed fury be my conduct now!  
  
(Dumah comes back onstage to much booing and hissing)  
  
Kain: Now, Tybalt, take the villain back again,  
That late thou gavest me; for Mercutio's soul  
Is but a little way above our heads,  
Staying for thine to keep him company:  
Either thou, or I, or both, must go with him.  
  
Dumah: Thou, wretched boy, that didst consort him here,  
Shalt with him hence. (Thinking to himself) Only now I will change the play, Romeo will die and Tybalt will live!  
  
(Backstage)  
  
Anamae: Vorador, if things don't work out, then we spray Dumah with water and get him out, all right?  
  
Vorador: All right. But that won't be nessecasry.  
  
Anamae: Why not?  
  
Umah: Kain has the Soul Reaver, Dumah a broadsword. Do the math; who do you think is going to win?  
  
Anamae: (Grins) I see.  
  
(Unfortunately Dumah just realized this earth-shattering piece of information as Kain did draw the Soul Reaver. Looking down at his own pathetic sword, Dumah grins nervously as his father begins to advance on him)  
  
Dumah: Romeo, buddy, let's talk this through! (Ducks underneath a swing from the Soul Reaver) Okay, Mercutio was your friend and I am kinda sorry I killed him- (Jumps away from another dangerous swing) -but can't we let bygone's be bygone's?!  
  
Bane: Kain doesn't think like that!  
  
Mortanius: (Sipping his soda) Agreed.  
  
(As Dumah turns to run off-stage, now the coward, he trips on a piece of wood and falls flat on his face)  
  
Kain: VAE VICTUS!!! (Brings the Soul Reaver down just in the space between Dumah's left side and arm) DIE, Tybalt! My kinsman is avenged!  
  
Dumah: (Pathetically) And fate…was unkind…but at least I'm not really dead…and I don't work in videogame…development! (Pretends to die)  
  
Benvolio: Romeo, away, be gone!  
The citizens are up, and Tybalt slain.  
Stand not amazed: the prince will doom thee death,  
If thou art taken: hence, be gone, away!  
  
Kain: O, I am fortune's fool!  
  
Benvolio: Why dost thou stay?  
  
(Kain flees off wing; then Vorador, Umah, Melchiah and Janos come on-stage followed by the angry townsfolk)  
  
First citizen: Which way ran he that kill'd Mercutio?  
Tybalt, that murderer, which way ran he?  
  
Benvolio: There lies that Tybalt. (Points to the 'body')  
  
First citizen: Up, sir, go with me;  
I charge thee in the princes name, obey.  
  
(Turel enters)  
  
Turel: Oh, this is not good! Where are the vile beginners of this fray?  
  
Benvolio: O noble prince, I can discover all  
The unlucky manage of this fatal brawl:  
There lies the man, slain by young Romeo,  
That slew thy kinsman, brave Mercutio.  
  
Melchiah: (Pretends to weep and clings to Janos' arm) Tybalt, my cousin! O my brother's child!  
O prince! O cousin! husband! O, the blood is spilt  
O my dear kinsman! Prince, as thou art true,  
For blood of ours, shed blood of Montague.  
O cousin, cousin!  
  
Turel: Benvolio, who began this bloody fray?  
  
Benvolio: Tybalt, here slain, whom Romeo's hand did slay;  
Romeo that spoke him fair, bade him bethink  
How nice the quarrel was, and urged withal  
Your high displeasure: all this uttered  
With gentle breath, calm look, knees humbly bow'd,  
Could not take truce with the unruly spleen  
Of Tybalt deaf to peace, but that he tilts  
With piercing steel at bold Mercutio's breast,  
Who all as hot, turns deadly point to point,  
And, with a martial scorn, with one hand beats  
Cold death aside, and with the other sends  
It back to Tybalt, whose dexterity,  
Retorts it: Romeo he cries aloud,  
'Hold, friends! friends, part!' and, swifter than  
his tongue,  
His agile arm beats down their fatal points,  
And 'twixt them rushes; underneath whose arm  
An envious thrust from Tybalt hit the life  
Of stout Mercutio, and then Tybalt fled;  
But by and by comes back to Romeo,  
Who had but newly entertain'd revenge,  
And to 't they go like lightning, for, ere I  
Could draw to part them, was stout Tybalt slain.  
And, as he fell, did Romeo turn and fly.  
This is the truth, or let Benvolio die. (Thinking to himself) Oh please don't let me die!  
  
Melchiah: He is a kinsman to the Montague;  
Affection makes him false; he speaks not true:  
Some twenty of them fought in this black strife,  
And all those twenty could but kill one life.  
I beg for justice, which thou, prince, must give;  
Romeo slew Tybalt, Romeo must not live.  
  
Turel: Romeo slew him, he slew Mercutio;  
Who now the price of his dear blood doth owe?  
  
Vorador: Not Romeo, prince, he was Mercutio's friend;  
His fault concludes but what the law should end,  
The life of Tybalt.  
  
Turel: And for that offence  
Immediately we do exile him hence:  
I have an interest in your hate's proceeding,  
My blood for your rude brawls doth lie a-bleeding;  
But I'll amerce you with so strong a fine  
That you shall all repent the loss of mine:  
I will be deaf to pleading and excuses;  
Nor tears nor prayers shall purchase out abuses:  
Therefore use none: let Romeo hence in haste,  
Else, when he's found, that hour is his last.  
Bear hence this body and attend our will:  
Mercy but murders, pardoning those that kill.  
  
(The curtain falls and the lights dim; the end of Scene 1 of Act 3. Dumah picks himself up and walks quickly backstage, looking for Raziel. He sees him sitting down on a chair, surrounded by concerned fangirls)  
  
Raziel: No, I'm fine. See, the blood is only fake. Nothing can kill me, the great and beautiful Raziel! (Looks up and sees Dumah) Hello, brother.  
  
Dumah: …I hate you. (Walks off to Kain; looks at his father) I hate you, too.  
  
Kain: Why? It's only a play.  
  
Dumah: You had the Soul Reaver.  
  
Kain: So? You were trying to change the whole play; I could not allow that!  
  
Dumah: …I still hate you. (Walks off)  
  
Anamae: What was that all about?  
  
Malek: (Comes up beside her) When a warrior dies, they usually do not forgive those that killed them. I am living proof to that!  
  
Anamae: Get away from me. (Raises her microphone) Alright, everyone get ready for the second scene!!!!! 


	19. Act 3, Scene II...Juliet Talks More Than...

Ariel: Zephon, where are you? We have to do the next scene together!! (She is now dressed back in her old costume; the wedding dress mysteriously vanished two minutes after she put it back into the truck. The ghost looks backstage and can't find Zephon) Oh dear, this could get bad.  
  
(Ariel begins to look around for the cross-dressing vampire, asking all the crewmembers and actors, even the mice of the stage even if they can't talk back to her. Meanwhile, as Dumah is still bemoaning the death of Tybalt - and everyone else is breathing a sigh of relief - Kain is showing his sons his most hated nemesis of all time, the Sarafan Lord. The vampires are poking their heads just around the edge of the curtain and with narrowed eyes look up at the figure in the balcony, sitting on his throne like he's the best)  
  
Kain: And he took the Soul Reaver from me, but after I slept for 200 years, I rose back up and single-handedly defeated him, at the same time taking down enemies that had once been friends. Of course then everyone was asking me to become the ruler of Nosgoth because I had shown everyone my strength, agility and just dashing good looks.  
  
Turel: Why does the Sarafan's head glow?  
  
Kain: I don't know.  
  
Rahab: (Raising binoculars to look at him) It might be his hair.  
  
Melchiah: His voice is weird.  
  
Zephon: Dad, do you think I'd be able to get his autograph?  
  
Kain: No, I don't want you boys going up to him. He'll kill you outright.  
  
Raziel: Aw, he can't be all that bad.  
  
Kain: How do you figure that out?  
  
Raziel: Because he's a vegetarian. And we all know that vegetarians can't hurt anyone, not even a fly.  
  
(Rahab, still looking through the binoculars, sees a small fly buzzing around the Sarafan Lord's head. The Hylden Lord doesn't even look at it, but his hand shoots out and grabs the tiny insect and crushes it. Then he flicks it off the edge of the balcony, where it bursts into flame, and goes back to calmly eating his caeser salad)  
  
Rahab: Raziel, that theory is moot.  
  
Zephon: I bet I could learn a lot from him.  
  
Turel: (Sly grin) Planning to seduce him with the outfit you're wearing?  
  
Kain: AHH! Mental image! Don't give Zephon any ideas, Turel. He's messed up enough as it is!!!  
  
Zephon: Hey!  
  
(Ariel chooses at that moment to come in; sees Zephon and grabs him with her hands, even if she is a ghost)  
  
Ariel: Hurry up; we're starting the next scene.  
  
Zephon: Okay, okay. But if anyone in the audience begins to complain about my speeches, and me then I'm still going to burn them down!  
  
(The next scene, taking place in Capulet's orchard, has been set up. Instead of the magical tone from before, it' now more of a subdued theme. The fairies haven't taken to this kindly, because they want to keep the mood light and happy throughout the play, but unfortunately one read the play all the way through, saw what happened and then all the fairies left because they got so depressed. So that's the reason there are no sparkles in the air, no romantic music playing, no nothing. Just blandness)  
  
Anamae: (To Umah) Okay, so after you kicked Malek in the non-existent groin, he collapsed holding that non-existent area and then you stole his weapon and broke it in half?  
  
Umah: Yes, he was going to run poor Janos through while he was trying to get a decent cup of coffee.  
  
Anamae: (Sees Ariel and Zephon) Okay, you know the rules. No fighting, no crying, no random acts of violence against the audience; I'm looking at you Clan Lord.  
  
Zephon: Me?  
  
Ariel: don't push it.  
  
Anamae: Now both of you get out there and don't forget your lines.   
  
(The curtain rises to show Ariel floating in the middle of the stage, her hands clasped over her heart. People who were playing poker games, strip poker, pinball and even chess stopped and resume their seats as the play continued)  
  
Ariel: (Taking a deep breath) Gallop apace, you fiery-footed steeds,  
Towards Phoebus' lodging: such a wagoner  
As Phaethon would whip you to the west,  
And bring in cloudy night immediately.  
Spread thy close curtain, love-performing night,  
That runaway's eyes may wink and Romeo  
Leap to these arms, untalk'd of and unseen.  
Lovers can see to do their amorous rites  
By their own beauties; or, if love be blind,  
It best agrees with night. Come, civil night,  
Thou sober-suited matron, all in black,  
And learn me how to lose a winning match,  
Play'd for a pair of stainless maidenhoods:  
Hood my unmann'd blood, bating in my cheeks,  
With thy black mantle; till strange love, grown bold,  
Think true love acted simple modesty.  
Come, night; come, Romeo; come, thou day in night;  
For thou wilt lie upon the wings of night  
Whiter than new snow on a raven's back.  
Come, gentle night, come, loving, black-brow'd night,  
Give me my Romeo; and, when he shall die,  
Take him and cut him out in little stars,  
And he will make the face of heaven so fine  
That all the world will be in love with night  
And pay no worship to the garish sun.  
O, I have bought the mansion of a love,  
But not possess'd it, and, though I am sold,  
Not yet enjoy'd: so tedious is this day  
As is the night before some festival  
To an impatient child that hath new robes  
And may not wear them. O, here comes my nurse,  
And she brings news; and every tongue that speaks  
But Romeo's name speaks heavenly eloquence.  
  
(Zephon enters with the cords that come from Romeo; the audience doesn't groan because he might destroy them but some whack heavy metal objects on their heads in the hope that they will fall unconscious and not have to listen to his speeches. This plot fails)  
  
Ariel: Now, nurse, what news? What hast thou there? the cords  
That Romeo bid thee fetch?  
  
Zephon: (Tosses the cords down) Ay, the cords.  
  
Ariel: Ay me! what news? why dost thou wring thy hands?  
  
Zephon: (Taking on a high-pitched shriek) Ah, well-a-day! he's dead, he's dead, he's dead!  
We are undone, lady, we are undone!  
Alack the day! he's gone, he's kill'd, he's dead!  
  
Ariel: Can heaven be so envious?  
  
Zephon: Romeo can,  
Though heaven cannot: O Romeo, Romeo!  
Who ever would have thought it? Romeo!  
  
Ariel: What devil art thou, that dost torment me thus?  
This torture should be roar'd in dismal hell.  
Hath Romeo slain himself? say thou but 'I,'  
And that bare vowel 'I' shall poison more  
Than the death-darting eye of cockatrice:  
I am not I, if there be such an I;  
Or those eyes shut, that make thee answer 'I.'  
If he be slain, say 'I'; or if not, no:  
Brief sounds determine of my weal or woe.  
  
Zephon: I saw the wound, I saw it with mine eyes,--  
God save the mark!--here on his manly breast:  
A piteous corse, a bloody piteous corse;  
Pale, pale as ashes, all bedaub'd in blood,  
All in gore-blood; I swounded at the sight.  
  
Ariel: O, break, my heart! poor bankrupt, break at once!  
To prison, eyes, ne'er look on liberty!  
Vile earth, to earth resign; end motion here;  
And thou and Romeo press one heavy bier!  
  
Zephon: O Tybalt, Tybalt, the best friend I had!  
O courteous Tybalt! honest gentleman!  
That ever I should live to see thee dead!  
  
Ariel: What storm is this that blows so contrary?  
Is Romeo slaughter'd, and is Tybalt dead?  
My dear-loved cousin, and my dearer lord?  
Then, dreadful trumpet, sound the general doom!  
For who is living, if those two are gone?  
  
Zephon: Tybalt is gone, and Romeo banished;  
Romeo that kill'd him, he is banished.  
  
Ariel: (Begins to look like she will faint) O God! did Romeo's hand shed Tybalt's blood?  
  
(In the audience)  
  
Mortanius: And now the real tragedy begins.  
  
Nupraptor: (Sniff) Yeah, I'm all out of popcorn!  
  
Moebius: No you idiot; the play!  
  
Nupraptor: All the same…(sees across the aisle the Bishop of Meridian eating some popcorn. The Guardian of the Mind tries to make the bag float up and towards him, but all he succeeds in doing is just making the popcorn fall onto the Bishop, the floor, and onto Bane) Sorry.  
  
Bane: do that again and I will injury you myself.  
  
Nupraptor: But you're a druid, all peaceful.  
  
Bane: I'm willing to stretch that philosophy just a bit for you, buddy.  
  
(Back to the play)  
  
Zephon: It did, it did; alas the day, it did!  
  
Ariel: O serpent heart, hid with a flowering face!  
Did ever dragon keep so fair a cave?  
Beautiful tyrant! fiend angelical!  
Dove-feather'd raven! wolvish-ravening lamb!  
Despised substance of divinest show!  
Just opposite to what thou justly seem'st,  
A damned saint, an honourable villain!  
O nature, what hadst thou to do in hell,  
When thou didst bower the spirit of a fiend  
In moral paradise of such sweet flesh?  
Was ever book containing such vile matter  
So fairly bound? O that deceit should dwell  
In such a gorgeous palace!  
  
Zephon: There's no trust,  
No faith, no honesty in men; all perjured,  
All forsworn, all naught, all dissemblers.  
Ah, where's my man? give me some aqua vitae:  
These griefs, these woes, these sorrows make me old.  
Shame come to Romeo!  
  
Ariel: Blister'd be thy tongue  
For such a wish! he was not born to shame:  
Upon his brow shame is ashamed to sit;  
For 'tis a throne where honour may be crown'd  
Sole monarch of the universal earth.  
O, what a beast was I to chide at him!  
  
Zephon: Will you speak well of him that kill'd your cousin?  
  
(In the audience…again)  
  
Random Seraphim: Hey, the roles are reversed.  
  
Random Sarafan: What do you mean?  
  
Random Seraphim: Well, is appears Juliet is doing all the talking and for once the nurse has just shut up and not going on and on and on.  
  
Random Sarafan: A good change. But don't jinx it.  
  
Random Vampire: Agreed. Now everyone be quiet and watch what's happening!  
  
(Back to the reversed roles onstage)  
  
Ariel: Shall I speak ill of him that is my husband?  
Ah, poor my lord, what tongue shall smooth thy name,  
When I, thy three-hours wife, have mangled it?  
But, wherefore, villain, didst thou kill my cousin?  
That villain cousin would have kill'd my husband:  
Back, foolish tears, back to your native spring;  
Your tributary drops belong to woe,  
Which you, mistaking, offer up to joy.  
My husband lives, that Tybalt would have slain;  
And Tybalt's dead, that would have slain my husband:  
All this is comfort; wherefore weep I then?  
Some word there was, worser than Tybalt's death,  
That murder'd me: I would forget it fain;  
But, O, it presses to my memory,  
Like damned guilty deeds to sinners' minds:  
'Tybalt is dead, and Romeo--banished;'  
That 'banished,' that one word 'banished,'  
Hath slain ten thousand Tybalts. Tybalt's death  
Was woe enough, if it had ended there:  
Or, if sour woe delights in fellowship  
And needly will be rank'd with other griefs,  
Why follow'd not, when she said 'Tybalt's dead,'  
Thy father, or thy mother, nay, or both,  
Which modern lamentations might have moved?  
But with a rear-ward following Tybalt's death,  
'Romeo is banished,' to speak that word,  
Is father, mother, Tybalt, Romeo, Juliet,  
All slain, all dead. 'Romeo is banished!'  
There is no end, no limit, measure, bound,  
In that word's death; no words can that woe sound.  
Where is my father, and my mother, nurse?  
  
Zephon: (Looking at his watch as Ariel finishes speaking) 3 minutes and 20 seconds.  
  
Ariel: You were timing me?  
  
Zephon: Someone had to.  
  
Ariel: (Infuriated) Why you little-  
  
Zephon: Temper!  
  
Ariel: (Composing herself; smiling through gritted teeth) I shall get you for this.  
  
Zephon: Like to see you try. (Coughs) Weeping and wailing over Tybalt's corse:  
Will you go to them? I will bring you thither.  
  
Ariel: Wash they his wounds with tears: mine shall be spent,  
When theirs are dry, for Romeo's banishment.  
Take up those cords: poor ropes, you are beguiled,  
Both you and I; for Romeo is exiled:  
He made you for a highway to my bed;  
But I, a maid, die maiden-widowed.  
Come, cords, come, nurse; I'll to my wedding-bed;  
And death, not Romeo, take my maidenhead!  
  
Zephon: Hie to your chamber: I'll find Romeo  
To comfort you: I wot well where he is.  
Hark ye, your Romeo will be here at night:  
I'll to him; he is hid at Laurence' cell.  
  
Ariel: O, find him! give this ring to my true knight,  
And bid him come to take his last farewell.  
  
(Curtain drops; backstage)  
  
Vorador: Well, at least Juliet has her priorities in order.  
  
Rahab: What do you mean by that?  
  
Vorador: Well, before Romeo goes off from Verona where they might never see each other again, she wants to make sure he's got the goods, has got the moves and the stamina.  
  
Rahab: …I don't follow.  
  
Vorador: Take her flower, give a little pickle-tickle, a rustle in the hay, make the world shake.  
  
Rahab: (Silence)  
  
Vorador: Are you just dodging around playing stupid or do you actually don't know what I am getting at?  
  
Raziel: (Pops up from nowhere) Rahab, Vorador in all his talking, means these few words…(whispers in Rahab's ear)  
  
Rahab: (Turning a bright red for his pale features) Oh my GOD! You're sick, Vorador! Sick, sick, sick!  
  
Vorador: (Grinning) I just call it as it is. And I think Kain is looking forwards to that scene too.  
  
(Everyone looks at Kain, who is studying his reflection in the mirror, brushing out his hair, brushing his teeth until they shine and since vampires don't bathe in water because they can burn, he uses milk. On top of that, the vampire emperor is humming a swinging beat from the 20's while snapping his talons as well)  
  
Raziel: I think this is one of the very few and rare times I've seen dad happy.  
  
Rahab: What were the other times?  
  
Raziel: When he kicked the IRS guy out the front door.  
  
Rahab: Or set the dragons on the religious people.  
  
Raziel: Yeah, that was good fun. 


	20. Act 3, Scene III

Kain: (Singing to himself) Me and Ariel, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!  
  
Malek: (Walking by and hearing this) Now that's just disturbing. Even more disturbing that actually seeing that Moebius did, for a brief moment in his life, actually did possess hair and girls wanted to go out with him.  
  
Random crewmember: (Overhearing Malek) Ohh, I gotta tell someone this little bit of news! (Runs off and leaves the lights unattended, which create a high beam of hot light down on "insert name of random actor" here and made him/her burn instantaneously)  
  
Umah: (Standing beside Kain) Do you know what the next few scenes will present, right?  
  
Kain: Yes.  
  
Umah: You're actually looking forwards to this?  
  
Kain: Yes, I am.  
  
Umah: Kain, just to tell you, Ariel is a ghost and somewhat transparent. You, on the other hand, are undead but you're solid. And the scene doesn't exactly count as an Nc-17 rating. I mean everyone will know what happens, but you don't actually see that happening.  
  
Kain: I realize these things, Umah. That part of the story doesn't come until scene five of the 3rd Act, but you can bet that I'll be prepared by then. (Winks at Umah)  
  
Umah: I can't believe I'm actually hearing this. I have to go and see what Ariel is thinking about all of this!   
  
(Umah walks off to go and see what Ariel has to say about this and maybe thinking about starting a petition against the 5th scene. Vorador and Turel slid up beside Kain, who is grooming himself in the mirror)  
  
Vorador: (Whispering to Turel) I remember when I was like that, the hottest guy in all of Nosgoth. Hell, I still am.  
  
Turel: (Loudly to Kain) Do you really have to do that, dad?  
  
Kain: Of course, I must look my best.  
  
Turel: Dad, didn't you say you hated Ariel and all that before?   
  
Kain: Perspective changes, dear son.  
  
Turel: Okay, now I'm getting scared. (To Vorador) If he makes himself look any better, than the girls in the audience will drag Romeo away and that'll be the end of that.  
  
Vorador: Don't worry, that won't happen.   
  
Turel: How're you so sure?  
  
Vorador: Because I'll just make them come after me.  
  
(Turel, knowing that the conversation was beginning to get a little weird, decided to make good his exit and left. Vorador looked at Kain for a few moments longer, realizing that here was someone who was more in love with himself than even Vorador was, and left too to ask Janos some question and wait for the scene. Anamae came around the corner at that moment, grabbed Kain roughly by the arm and dragged him towards the stage while consulting a list)  
  
Anamae: Got Zephon and his arm's now healed, got Rahab whose finally stopped moaning and groaning and now I have Kain. The scene is ready to go.  
  
Kain: Hey, watch the hair! I have to look good, damn it!  
  
Anamae: (Looks at Kain) Whatever. (Points to the curtained stage) Take your place, Romeo. Rahab, you too.  
  
Rahab: (Looking at a Bible) So we ARE all damned. Oh well, I already knew that. (Bible begins to burn his hand; he tosses it away where it hits Malek who was telling someone about Moebius in the days when he still had hair, and was knocked unconscious)  
  
(Out in the audience)  
  
Sarafan Lord: (Leaning over the balcony and looking at Faustus, Marcus and Sebastian) You guys are supposed to be in Meridian and guarding the place. I don't pay you vampires over 10,000 gold pieces a month just to sit your butts down and do nothing!  
  
Faustus: It says in the contract that we can have the weekends off and that's what we're doing.  
  
Marcus: Actually, I'm just taking a sick day.  
  
Faustus: You aren't sick.  
  
Marcus: Yes I am. I have a broken heart and it hurts like hell.  
  
Sebastian: --shut up, Marcus. (Looks up at the SL) Don't worry milord, we'll head back to Meridian and get back to our jobs, but after the play is over. The tickets were expensive.  
  
Faustus: Damn straight! Hey, buddy! (Faustus whistles to a guy two seats in front of him whose smooching with his girlfriend) The play's already filled with enough of that stuff so we don't need to see you making out with your girlfriend.  
  
Guy: Maybe I want to.  
  
Faustus: You make me sick.  
  
Marcus: Faustus, just leave them alone.  
  
Sebastian: I'm getting hungry.  
  
(As the lights dim and the curtains open to show the next scene, no one noticed three pairs of yellow eyes looking hungrily at the two lovers who were smooching, or the fact that a few moments later the lovers were dead, drained of blood and the three yellow eyes didn't look so hungry anymore. The abbey was once again shown, with Rahab sitting near the altar, trying to look important. Of course the Rahabim vampires began to cheer for their Clan Lord and even the water balloons tossed at them couldn't keep them quiet)  
  
Rahab: Romeo, come forth; come forth, thou fearful man:  
Affliction is enamour'd of thy parts,  
And thou art wedded to calamity.  
  
(Kain enters from the wings. Now since he did make himself look even more beautiful that he already was, the girls began to froth and rave wildly, climbing out of their seats and making their way to the stage. Thanks to the Turelim vampires who heroically volunteered to be the security, the girls were repelled with the usual pepper spray and water, leaving the play to go on and Kain unmolested - for the moment)  
  
Kain: Father, what news? what is the prince's doom?  
What sorrow craves acquaintance at my hand,  
That I yet know not?  
  
Rahab: Too familiar  
Is my dear son with such sour company:  
I bring thee tidings of the prince's doom.  
  
Kain: What less than dooms-day is the prince's doom?  
  
Rahab: A gentler judgment vanish'd from his lips,  
Not body's death, but body's banishment.  
  
Kain: (Falling out of character) Turel can't banish me! I'm the emperor of Nosgoth, damn it, and if I don't want to leave Verona then I don't have to!  
  
Rahab: Father, character! Stay in character!  
  
Kain: Oh, forgive me. But all the same if Turel thinks he could ever banish me. (Goes back to his lines) Ha, banishment! be merciful, say 'death;'  
For exile hath more terror in his look,  
Much more than death: do not say 'banishment.'  
  
Rahab: Hence from Verona art thou banished:  
Be patient, for the world is broad and wide.  
  
Kain: There is no world without Verona walls,  
But purgatory, torture, hell itself.  
Hence-banished is banish'd from the world,  
And world's exile is death: then banished,  
Is death mis-term'd: calling death banishment,  
Thou cutt'st my head off with a golden axe,  
And smilest upon the stroke that murders me.  
  
Rahab: Actually Romeo is getting off pretty easily. O deadly sin! O rude unthankfulness!  
Thy fault our law calls death; but the kind prince,  
Taking thy part, hath rush'd aside the law,  
And turn'd that black word death to banishment:  
This is dear mercy, and thou seest it not.  
  
Kain: 'Tis torture, and not mercy: heaven is here,  
Where Juliet lives; and every cat and dog  
And little mouse, every unworthy thing,  
Live here in heaven and may look on her;  
But Romeo may not: more validity,  
More honourable state, more courtship lives  
In carrion-flies than Romeo: they my seize  
On the white wonder of dear Juliet's hand  
And steal immortal blessing from her lips,  
Who even in pure and vestal modesty,  
Still blush, as thinking their own kisses sin;  
But Romeo may not; he is banished:  
Flies may do this, but I from this must fly:  
They are free men, but I am banished.  
And say'st thou yet that exile is not death?  
Hadst thou no poison mix'd, no sharp-ground knife,  
No sudden mean of death, though ne'er so mean,  
But 'banished' to kill me?--'banished'?  
O friar, the damned use that word in hell;  
Howlings attend it: how hast thou the heart,  
Being a divine, a ghostly confessor,  
A sin-absolver, and my friend profess'd,  
To mangle me with that word 'banished'?  
  
Rahab: (Puts away the pocketwatch) only 2 minutes and 5 seconds. Not al long winded as Ariel or Zephon, but you're getting there.  
  
Ariel & Zephon: (Offstage) We HEARD that!  
  
Kain: (Very angry) You were timing me, ungrateful son?  
  
Rahab: -- Maybe I was.  
  
Kain: Just say your lines.  
  
Rahab: Thou fond mad man, hear me but speak a word.  
  
Kain: O, thou wilt speak again of banishment.  
  
Rahab: I'll give thee armour to keep off that word:  
Adversity's sweet milk, philosophy,  
To comfort thee, though thou art banished.  
  
Kain: Yet 'banished'? Hang up philosophy!  
Unless philosophy can make a Juliet,  
Displant a town, reverse a prince's doom,  
It helps not, it prevails not: talk no more.  
  
Rahab: Look, how many times do I have to tell you? You're banished, gone, cast out, left for the vultures, leaving with no return address or where you might be next. Good bye.  
  
Kain: Oh, that makes it all that much easier, Friar.  
  
Rahab: With someone with such a low I.Q. like you, I had to put it into a simple sentence and simple words. O, then I see that madmen have no ears.  
  
Kain: How should they, when that wise men have no eyes?  
  
Rahab: Let me dispute with thee of thy estate.  
  
Kain: Thou canst not speak of that thou dost not feel:  
Wert thou as young as I, Juliet thy love,  
An hour but married, Tybalt murdered,  
Doting like me and like me banished,  
Then mightst thou speak, then mightst thou tear thy hair,  
And fall upon the ground, as I do now,  
Taking the measure of an unmade grave.  
  
(Sound effects are cued; knocking is heard from the entrance to the abbey)  
  
Rahab: Arise; one knocks; good Romeo, hide thyself.  
  
Kain: Not I; unless the breath of heartsick groans,  
Mist-like, infold me from the search of eyes.  
  
(The knocking grows a little louder and the stainglass windows are somehow smashed)  
  
Rahab: Hark, how they knock! Who's there? Romeo, arise;  
Thou wilt be taken. Stay awhile! Stand up; Run to my study. By and by! God's will,  
What simpleness is this! I come, I come!  
  
(The knocking continues)  
  
Zephon: (Within) Let me come in, and you shall know  
my errand;  
I come from Lady Juliet.  
  
Rahab: Welcome, then. (Lets Zephon in)  
  
(Well Zephon breezed in, looking like he owned the place. And in Rahab's opinion, he was getting far too comfortable in the dress and wig. Some people looked at Zephon from the audience and he stared right back at them Then the people in the audience, for fear of hearing another long winded speech that made no big difference in the course of the play, chose that moment to run away)  
  
Zephon: Obviously they could not be in my great presence. O holy friar, O, tell me, holy friar,  
Where is my lady's lord, where's Romeo?  
  
Rahab: There on the ground, with his own tears made drunk. (Points towards Kain, who is pretending to sob dramatically)  
  
Zephon: (Look of disgust on his face) O, he is even in my mistress' case,  
Just in her case! O woful sympathy!  
Piteous predicament! Even so lies she,  
Blubbering and weeping, weeping and blubbering.  
Stand up, stand up; stand, and you be a man:  
For Juliet's sake, for her sake, rise and stand;  
Why should you fall into so deep an O?  
  
Kain: Nurse!  
  
Zephon: Ah sir! ah sir! Well, death's the end of all.  
  
Kain: Spakest thou of Juliet? how is it with her?  
Doth she not think me an old murderer,  
Now I have stain'd the childhood of our joy  
With blood removed but little from her own?  
Where is she? and how doth she? and what says  
My conceal'd lady to our cancell'd love?  
  
Zephon: O, she says nothing, sir, but weeps and weeps;  
And now falls on her bed; and then starts up,  
And Tybalt calls; and then on Romeo cries,  
And then down falls again.  
  
Kain: As if that name,  
Shot from the deadly level of a gun,  
Did murder her; as that name's cursed hand  
Murder'd her kinsman. O, tell me, friar, tell me,  
In what vile part of this anatomy  
Doth my name lodge? tell me, that I may sack  
The hateful mansion. (Takes out the Soul Reaver)  
  
Rahab: Hey, we'll have none of that! No one is going to kill anyone else at this moment! Hold thy desperate hand:  
Art thou a man? thy form cries out thou art:  
Thy tears are womanish; thy wild acts denote  
The unreasonable fury of a beast:  
Unseemly woman in a seeming man!  
Or ill-beseeming beast in seeming both!  
Thou hast amazed me: by my holy order,  
I thought thy disposition better temper'd.  
Hast thou slain Tybalt? wilt thou slay thyself?  
And stay thy lady too that lives in thee,  
By doing damned hate upon thyself?  
Why rail'st thou on thy birth, the heaven, and earth?  
Since birth, and heaven, and earth, all three do meet  
In thee at once; which thou at once wouldst lose.  
Fie, fie, thou shamest thy shape, thy love, thy wit;  
Which, like a usurer, abound'st in all,  
And usest none in that true use indeed  
Which should bedeck thy shape, thy love, thy wit:  
Thy noble shape is but a form of wax,  
Digressing from the valour of a man;  
Thy dear love sworn but hollow perjury,  
Killing that love which thou hast vow'd to cherish;  
Thy wit, that ornament to shape and love,  
Misshapen in the conduct of them both,  
Like powder in a skitless soldier's flask,  
Is set afire by thine own ignorance,  
And thou dismember'd with thine own defence.  
What, rouse thee, man! thy Juliet is alive,  
For whose dear sake thou wast but lately dead;  
There art thou happy: Tybalt would kill thee,  
But thou slew'st Tybalt; there are thou happy too:  
The law that threaten'd death becomes thy friend  
And turns it to exile; there art thou happy:  
A pack of blessings lights up upon thy back;  
Happiness courts thee in her best array;  
But, like a misbehaved and sullen wench,  
Thou pout'st upon thy fortune and thy love:  
Take heed, take heed, for such die miserable.  
Go, get thee to thy love, as was decreed,  
Ascend her chamber, hence and comfort her:  
But look thou stay not till the watch be set,  
For then thou canst not pass to Mantua;  
Where thou shalt live, till we can find a time  
To blaze your marriage, reconcile your friends,  
Beg pardon of the prince, and call thee back  
With twenty hundred thousand times more joy  
Than thou went'st forth in lamentation.  
Go before, nurse: commend me to thy lady;  
And bid her hasten all the house to bed,  
Which heavy sorrow makes them apt unto:  
Romeo is coming.  
  
(People stare at Rahab in shock. The crew and cast members stare at Rahab in shock. Even Kain and Zephon are looking at him in shock. Kain looks at his watch, then smiles at Rahab evilly)  
  
Kain: 4 minutes and 58 seconds. And you said that I took forever.  
  
Zephon: Yes, it seems that the friar now is going to be speaking more.  
  
Rahab: (Flustered and slightly out of breath) Oh shut up!  
  
Zephon: (Snickering) Maybe you should. O Lord, I could have stay'd here all the night  
To hear good counsel: O, what learning is!  
My lord, I'll tell my lady you will come.  
  
Kain: Do so, and bid my sweet prepare to chide.  
  
Zephon: Here, sir, a ring she bid me give you, sir:  
Hie you, make haste, for it grows very late.  
  
(Zephon gives Kain and ring which he swiped off of Nupraptor when the Guardian was knocked out, and then leaves the stage)  
  
Kain: How well my comfort is revived by this!  
  
Rahab: Go hence; good night; and here stands all your state:  
Either be gone before the watch be set,  
Or by the break of day disguised from hence:  
Sojourn in Mantua; I'll find out your man,  
And he shall signify from time to time  
Every good hap to you that chances here:  
Give me thy hand; 'tis late: farewell; good night.  
  
Kain: But that a joy past joy calls out on me,  
It were a grief, so brief to part with thee: Farewell.  
  
(The curtain falls and the audience begins to talk amongst themselves again. Hell, how would of thought Rahab actually had it in him? When the vampire came backstage, wiping his brow, he received something of a shock. The cast was all lined up, decked out in party hats, balloons and noisemakers)  
  
Anamae: (Clapping her hands) You Rahab have been nominated for the 'Longest Winded Speech In the Play' award, beating out Juliet, Romeo and even Nurse. Of course there are more contestants to come, but for the moment you're in the lead.  
  
Rahab: Should I be happy?  
  
Melchiah: Just feign ignorance and try to walk away as soon as possible.  
  
Anamae: Okay I need Malek, Janos and Melchiah up here next! Let's get the scenes moved around; replace the abbey with the interior rooms of the castle of Willendorf and for god's sake Malek, put some ice on that area of it hurts so much.  
  
Malek: (Still trying to get over the pain of having his non-existent area hurt by Umah; talking in a high voice) Yes madam.  
  
Janos: (Laughing to himself) 


	21. Act 3, Scene IV...Janos and Malek Finall...

Melchiah: Is it just me or does everyone seem to be timing everyone else who has exceptionally long lines?  
  
Anamae: No, it's not you. It's the latest fad.  
  
Melchiah: Well for once I'm with the times. (Looks at his dress) Is there any lint on my bosom?  
  
Janos: No, there isn't.  
  
Malek: (Shivering) How can you even look there?  
  
Janos: What?  
  
Malek: Looking there. He's a cross dresser and it looks like you're almost attracted to him.  
  
Janos: Hey, he was asking if there was any lint on his dress or fake bosom and I said no. I'm not coming onto him anyway; that's just sick. I have a girl waiting for me back at the fortress I call home. And incidentally, you're mind must be on such things, Malek. Count Paris is not only horny in the play; he's also like that in real life.  
  
(Well, Malek took offence to this as he always does. So he did the only thing that he knew to do properly. He charged Janos with his spear, which he somehow managed to conjure up from the middle of nowhere, even after Umah destroyed his old one. The look on Janos' face was one of 'I'm not gonna live to see my three thousandth birthday and immediately took to flight. Malek chucked his spear at the Seraphim, who managed to dodge it. At that precise moment Raziel was coming out from the makeup room and that said spear struck him right in the chest)  
  
Raziel: Oh no, not again!  
  
Malek: (Silence) It was Janos' fault!  
  
Janos: (Coming back to the ground) No it wasn't. You started it all.  
  
Malek: Well you didn't have to dodge the spear. You should have taken it like a man.  
  
Janos: And let me die?  
  
(While the two were fighting once again, Raziel was trying to take the spear out of him without much success. Umah came along and ripped it right out, making Raziel scream like a little girl. Then he collapsed and the fangirls suddenly rushed around him, carting him off to god only knows where but people could make a good assumption of where was)  
  
Anamae: (To Melchiah) Get out onstage and look good. And don't say anything more about your bosom!  
  
Melchiah: All right! (Walks out onstage)  
  
Anamae: (Watches Janos and Malek scuffle) Hey, stop that! Stop that! (They continue fighting) Stop that----KAIN!!!!!!  
  
(Kain comes in from around the corner and holds the Soul Reaver up. The two stop fighting and take their places on stage, but shot murderous looks at each other. Anamae gives the signal and the curtain rises, showing the inside of the Capulet mansion where Malek, Janos and Melchiah are all standing in a semi circle. The Seraphim look at Janos and then at Malek, sensing something is wrong. How right they are)  
  
Janos: Things have fall'n out, sir, so unluckily,  
That we have had no time to move our daughter:  
Look you, she loved her kinsman Tybalt dearly,  
And so did I:--Well, we were born to die.  
'Tis very late, she'll not come down to-night:  
I promise you, but for your company,  
I would have been a-bed an hour ago.  
  
Malek: (Hissing) These times of woe afford no time to woo.  
Madam, good night: commend me to your daughter.  
  
Melchiah: I will, and know her mind early to-morrow;  
To-night she is mew'd up to her heaviness.  
  
Janos: (Growling at Malek) Sir Paris, I will make a desperate tender  
Of my child's love: I think she will be ruled  
In all respects by me; nay, more, I doubt it not.  
Wife, go you to her ere you go to bed;  
Acquaint her here of my son Paris' love;  
And bid her, mark you me, on Wednesday next--  
But, soft! what day is this?  
  
Malek: (Cracking his knuckles) Monday, my lord,  
  
Janos: (Flexing his muscles, tensing up to fight) Monday! ha, ha! Well, Wednesday is too soon,  
O' Thursday let it be: o' Thursday, tell her,  
She shall be married to this noble earl.  
Will you be ready? do you like this haste?  
We'll keep no great ado,--a friend or two;  
For, hark you, Tybalt being slain so late,  
It may be thought we held him carelessly,  
Being our kinsman, if we revel much:  
Therefore we'll have some half a dozen friends,  
And there an end. But what say you to Thursday?  
  
Malek: My lord, I would that Thursday were to-morrow.  
  
Janos: Well get you gone: o' Thursday be it, then.  
Go you to Juliet ere you go to bed,  
Prepare her, wife, against this wedding-day.  
Farewell, my lord. Light to my chamber, ho!  
Afore me! it is so very very late,  
That we may call it early by and by.  
Good night.  
  
(It's the end of the scene, but the two don't move. Melchiah goes off stage, thinking the other two have followed him but they of course haven't. Malek and Janos stare right down at each other, and the audience gets tense. Then it happens)  
  
Random crewmember backstage: Janos, your fly's open!  
  
Janos: (Turns around) What?  
  
Malek: (Punching Janos in the jaw) AHA!  
  
Seraphim in the audience: Paris can't have Juliet and now he's beating up on her father! Oh why do these things have to happen?!  
  
Anamae: (Coming onto the stage and tries to break up the fight) Stop it, stop it!!!!  
  
Vorador: (Rushing onstage) I'm coming, father!  
  
(So Vorador pulls Malek off of Janos while Anamae grabs the Seraphim, swings him over her shoulders and carts him offstage)  
  
Anamae: Can we go one night without a single fight?  
  
(Vorador meanwhile is re-enacting the fight from Blood Omen 1 and seems once again to be winning)  
  
Mortanius: Go Malek, fight back! Hit the vampire in the nuts!  
  
Nupraptor: (Eating a Mae West) Can't we all just get along?  
  
Dejoule: NO!  
  
(Well, the Circle members were giving support to Malek but the vampires were giving support to Vorador. And the Seraphim were swinging away from being neutral and going in the direction of giving support to Vorador. All the while, the Sarafan Lord was watching this and just smiling)  
  
Sarafan Lord: Ah, my plan has worked.  
  
Keeves the Butler: What plan, milord?  
  
Sarafan Lord: No plan, but it makes me feel important and powerful just to say those words.  
  
Keeves the Butler: Yes, milord.  
  
(Soon the audience is nothing more that a big mob shouting out one thing or another to the two combatants. Backstage everything is pretty much the same, cast and crewmembers ganging up against each other. Then wonder of wonders and miracles of miracles the director in change, who was unconscious this whole time, manages to wake up. She struts up quickly, grabs the microphone from Anamae and walks out onstage. Her presence commands the awe and respect of everyone in the theatre house and everyone falls silent. She puts the microphone to her lips and speaks)  
  
Director: The play will go on, mindless of petty rivalries!  
  
(She was about to say more, but at that moment a sandbag came loose from the rafters above and with a clunk and a ping, it hit her on the head, effectively knocking her out again. Everyone fell silent and Turel said a few words that summed up everything quite well)  
  
Turel: Damn, that must of hurt. Oh well, on with the show indeed.  
  
(The security guards manage to pull Malek and Vorador apart after only suffering one death, then the curtain dropped and the blood was cleaned up for the next 'famous' scene. And for once in their life, the Seraphim retaliated against the Circle by throwing their umbrellas, popcorn and noise makers at them, knocking all of them save Nupraptor out)  
  
Nupraptor: I'm loved. 


	22. Act 3, Scene V

(Anamae is looking over the script with a look of absolute delight on her face. Vorador, seeing this, walks right over and looks at the text, then at the directress-in-charge-for-the-moment, since the other one is once again out cold, even if she was able to get up for a few moments)  
  
Vorador: Why so happy?  
  
Anamae: Because now I won't have to change the rating from PG to NC-17.  
  
Vorador: What?  
  
Anamae: The scene begins with Romeo and Juliet just finishing the 'act'. So no little kids had to get up and leave their seats and Umah doesn't have to worry about Ariel's rights being infringed upon.  
  
Turel: (Comes by and listens in) So you mean that dad and Ariel don't have to do it?  
  
Anamae: Nope.  
  
Turel: Thank god.  
  
Vorador: I was looking forwards to that!  
  
Light/Sound man: Pervert!  
  
Vorador: Oh, shut up! (Gets a sly look in his eyes) You'll have to tell Kain this, and you know he was actually looking forwards to this scene.  
  
Anamae: (Measured silence) Aw, hell.  
  
(At that moment, Kain comes by and overheard what Vorador was saying to Anamae. He had just finished brushing his hair for the 1,000 time, making it look as fine as silk and had just finished putting on the perfume called 'Scent OF A Love Struck Vampire' now for no use whatsoever. Anger clouds the vampire lord's face)  
  
Kain: Am I to be denied my moment?  
  
Anamae: Yeah, sorry about it Kain but the play must go on as it is. No changes like the ones Dumah tried to put in.  
  
Kain: (Pouting) I was looking forwards to this.  
  
Turel: I am not listening to this! (Plugs his ears and walks away)  
  
Vorador: Kain, come here. (Pulls Kain off to the side) Well, no one said that you have to disregard the whole moment.  
  
Kain: Come again.  
  
Vorador: You and Ariel can still make out like before and while the rating will not go up to NC-17, it'll go to about an M rating. This way, you're satisfied with Ariel, the audience is satisfied and little miss director- (Points to Anamae) -will be none the wiser.  
  
Kain: (Grinning) I like this!  
  
Ariel: (Floating up behind the two vampires) Like what?  
  
(Kain quickly explained the whole thing to Ariel, who by the end was smiling even if half of her face wasn't there. She looked over at Anamae and snickered)  
  
Ariel: And we will defiantly give the audience something to remember. As she said herself, she wants to the play to be new and bold, so there you go.  
  
Kain: (Grinning) Improvisation! You know Ariel, once you let the real you be shown, you're actually a lot of fun to be around with.  
  
Ariel: I know.  
  
Anamae: (Coming up to them) All right, get ready for your scene. (Turns towards Janos who has a bruised lip, Melchiah and Zephon) You guys get ready too!  
  
Zephon: Okay, but just once question for Melchiah.  
  
Melchiah: What?  
  
Zephon: Does this dress make me look fat?  
  
(In the audience, a hell of a lot of people has moved all the way from the back seats to the front ones, pressing people out of the way and even security was having problems holding them back. Suzu was still sitting at the back with Marcus, who was holding up a camcorder)  
  
Suzu: You're going to tape it?  
  
Marcus: For blackmail against Kain, really. At least I haven't moved all the way up front like Sebastian or Faustus.  
  
Suzu: Yeah, that is a little disturbing.  
  
Elder God: Hush. It's very important not to interrupt the mating scene.  
  
Suzu: (Paling) There is going to be no mating scene, you pervert! Go find someone of your own kind and go on a date.  
  
Elder God: Do you know how hard it is to find someone exactly like me?  
  
Lorant: (From the balcony) 120,000,004 to 3?  
  
Elder God: Exactly.  
  
Suzu: (Very near to throwing up) I need to find a new seat!  
  
(The audience begins to cheer as the curtain rises, showing the last scene in this Act. At the same time they take out a bunch of cameras to photo Kain or Ariel, for 'blackmail' purposes as they all say. Riiiiiiight. Nupraptor, upon hearing that Juliet will have to go through such a scene, nearly made a scene himself but was held down by Dejoule and Bane. Moebius, having absolutely no interest in this scene, goes off to the snacks stand early. Of course, as Mortanius said, this only heightens suspicion that the Time Streamer is gay but he didn't say it to everyone in the theatre house while Moebius was in the room. The scene opens to the Capulet orchard, where you can see through the big bay window Kain and Ariel embracing)  
  
Anamae: (Backstage) Well, everyone's going to be disappointed but then that doesn't matter to me. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no! (Sees Ariel and Kain beginning to make out) WHAT THE HELL?!!! This is not called for in the play!  
  
Vorador: (Beside her) Improve, of course!  
  
Anamae: Ack! (Faints dead away as she sees Kain do a move on Ariel that should be considered for an NC-17 rating, but because of certain powers, is only an M rating)  
  
(Kain and Ariel move towards the balcony after making out. The audience grins to themselves and take many a photo shots/camcorder pics and then settle back for the rest of the scene, happy that they got what they wanted, the perverts)  
  
Random Vampire: Oh, shut up!  
  
Random Sarafan: Yeah, everyone needs to chill out once in a while.  
  
Ariel: (Looking at Kain) Wilt thou be gone? it is not yet near day:  
It was the nightingale, and not the lark,  
That pierced the fearful hollow of thine ear;  
Nightly she sings on yon pomegranate-tree:  
Believe me, love, it was the nightingale.  
  
Kain: It was the lark, the herald of the morn,  
No nightingale: look, love, what envious streaks  
Do lace the severing clouds in yonder east:  
Night's candles are burnt out, and jocund day  
Stands tiptoe on the misty mountain tops.  
I must be gone and live, or stay and die.  
  
Ariel: Yon light is not day-light, I know it, I:  
It is some meteor that the sun exhales,  
To be to thee this night a torch-bearer,  
And light thee on thy way to Mantua:  
Therefore stay yet; thou need'st not to be gone.  
  
Kain: (Sighs dramatically) Let me be ta'en, let me be put to death;  
I am content, so thou wilt have it so.  
I'll say yon grey is not the morning's eye,  
'Tis but the pale reflex of Cynthia's brow;  
Nor that is not the lark, whose notes do beat  
The vaulty heaven so high above our heads:  
I have more care to stay than will to go:  
Come, death, and welcome! Juliet wills it so.  
How is't, my soul? let's talk; it is not day.  
  
Ariel: It is, it is: hie hence, be gone, away!  
It is the lark that sings so out of tune,  
Straining harsh discords and unpleasing sharps.  
Some say the lark makes sweet division;  
This doth not so, for she divideth us:  
Some say the lark and loathed toad change eyes,  
O, now I would they had changed voices too!  
Since arm from arm that voice doth us affray,  
Hunting thee hence with hunt's-up to the day,  
O, now be gone; more light and light it grows.  
  
Kain: More light and light; more dark and dark our woes!  
  
(Zephon enters into the chamber; Kain turns to hide behind a curtain. The girls in the audience titter amongst themselves, expecting the worse to happen)  
  
Zephon: Madam?  
  
Ariel: Nurse?  
  
Zephon: Your lady mother is coming to your chamber:  
The day is broke; be wary, look about.  
  
(Zephon turns to leave and Kain comes out from his hiding place. He and Ariel embrace once again and about three, no four, fan girls faint away from the sweetness of the moment)  
  
Ariel: Then, window, let day in, and let life out.  
  
Kain: (Climbs the edge of the balcony) Farewell, farewell! one kiss, and I'll descend. (Kisses Ariel and goes down)  
  
Ariel: Art thou gone so? love, lord, ay, husband, friend!  
I must hear from thee every day in the hour,  
For in a minute there are many days:  
O, by this count I shall be much in years  
Ere I again behold my Romeo!  
  
Kain: Farewell!  
I will omit no opportunity  
That may convey my greetings, love, to thee.  
  
Ariel: O think'st thou we shall ever meet again?  
  
Kain: I doubt it not; and all these woes shall serve  
For sweet discourses in our time to come.  
  
Ariel: O God, I have an ill-divining soul!  
Methinks I see thee, now thou art below,  
As one dead in the bottom of a tomb:  
Either my eyesight fails, or thou look'st pale.  
  
Kain: And trust me, love, in my eye so do you:  
Dry sorrow drinks our blood. Adieu, adieu!  
  
(Kain goes offstage with an air of such sadness that even some people begin to cry, even Hash'ak'git who was watching from the doorway. Now Vorador, along with Umah's help, had managed to get Anamae out of her faint, but when Kain walked backstage she fainted once again. Seeing Kain make out once with Ariel was bad enough, but twice was enough to send anyone overboard)  
  
Umah: She'll come to during the intermission.  
  
(Back onstage)  
  
Ariel: O fortune, fortune! all men call thee fickle:  
If thou art fickle, what dost thou with him.  
That is renown'd for faith? Be fickle, fortune;  
For then, I hope, thou wilt not keep him long,  
But send him back.  
  
Melchiah: (Calling within) Ho, daughter! are you up?  
  
Ariel: (Drifting back into the chamber) Who is't that calls? is it my lady mother?  
Is she not down so late, or up so early?  
What unaccustom'd cause procures her hither?  
  
Melchiah: (Fanning himself) Why, how now, Juliet!  
  
Ariel: (Pretending to feel faint) Madam, I am not well.  
  
Melchiah: Evermore weeping for your cousin's death?  
What, wilt thou wash him from his grave with tears?  
An if thou couldst, thou couldst not make him live;  
Therefore, have done: some grief shows much of love;  
But much of grief shows still some want of wit.  
  
Ariel: Yet let me weep for such a feeling loss.  
  
Melchiah: (Coughing slightly; the shrill voice was beginning to hurt after all) So shall you feel the loss, but not the friend  
Which you weep for.  
  
Ariel: Feeling so the loss,  
Cannot choose but ever weep the friend.  
  
Melchiah: Well, girl, thou weep'st not so much for his death,  
As that the villain lives which slaughter'd him.  
  
Ariel: What villain madam?  
  
Melchiah: That same villain, Romeo.  
  
(In the audience)  
  
Faustus: This is getting deep.  
  
Sebastian: Indeed. Somehow I feel Melchiah aka Lady Capulet will lose it somewhere down the line. His voice - excuse me, her voice is a bit too shrill.  
  
Faustus: Might have to feed soon.  
  
Sebastian: One of the choir people, you think?  
  
Faustus: (Winking) I know.  
  
(Onstage)   
  
Ariel: Ay, madam, from the reach of these my hands:  
Would none but I might venge my cousin's death!  
  
Melchiah: We will have vengeance for it, fear thou not:  
Then weep no more. I'll send to one in Mantua,  
Where that same banish'd runagate doth live,  
Shall give him such an unaccustom'd dram,  
That he shall soon keep Tybalt company:  
And then, I hope, thou wilt be satisfied.  
  
Ariel: Indeed, I never shall be satisfied  
With Romeo, till I behold him--dead--  
Is my poor heart for a kinsman vex'd.  
Madam, if you could find out but a man  
To bear a poison, I would temper it;  
That Romeo should, upon receipt thereof,  
Soon sleep in quiet. O, how my heart abhors  
To hear him named, and cannot come to him.  
To wreak the love I bore my cousin  
Upon his body that slaughter'd him!  
  
Melchiah: Find thou the means, and I'll find such a man.  
But now I'll tell thee joyful tidings, girl.  
  
Ariel: (Tries to smile) And joy comes well in such a needy time:  
What are they, I beseech your ladyship?  
  
Melchiah: Well, well, thou hast a careful father, child;  
One who, to put thee from thy heaviness,  
Hath sorted out a sudden day of joy,  
That thou expect'st not nor I look'd not for. Marry, my child, early next Thursday morn,  
The gallant, young and noble gentleman,  
The County Paris, at Saint Peter's Church,  
Shall happily make thee there a joyful bride.  
  
(The audience begins to gasp and then boo Melchiah, hissing that anybody making someone marry someone they didn't like was not fair indeed. Some people even went as far to throw stuff at the Clan Lord, but he skilfully sidestepped the popcorn and continued)  
  
Ariel: (Anger apparent in her voice) Now, by Saint Peter's Church and Peter too,  
He shall not make me there a joyful bride.  
I wonder at this haste; that I must wed  
Ere he, that should be husband, comes to woo.  
I pray you, tell my lord and father, madam,  
I will not marry yet; and, when I do, I swear,  
It shall be Romeo, whom you know I hate,  
Rather than Paris. These are news indeed!  
  
Melchiah: Here comes your father; tell him so yourself,  
And see how he will take it at your hands.  
  
(Janos and Zephon enter again; the Ancient is still sporting a big bruise)  
  
Janos: When the sun sets, the air doth drizzle dew;  
But for the sunset of my brother's son  
It rains downright.  
How now! a conduit, girl? what, still in tears?  
Evermore showering? In one little body  
Thou counterfeit'st a bark, a sea, a wind;  
For still thy eyes, which I may call the sea,  
Do ebb and flow with tears; the bark thy body is,  
Sailing in this salt flood; the winds, thy sighs;  
Who, raging with thy tears, and they with them,  
Without a sudden calm, will overset  
Thy tempest-tossed body. How now, wife!  
Have you deliver'd to her our decree?  
  
Melchiah: Ay, sir; but she will none, she gives you thanks.  
I would the fool were married to her grave!  
  
Janos: Soft! take me with you, take me with you, wife.  
How! will she none? doth she not give us thanks?  
Is she not proud? doth she not count her blest,  
Unworthy as she is, that we have wrought  
So worthy a gentleman to be her bridegroom?  
  
Ariel: Not proud, you have; but thankful, that you have:  
Proud can I never be of what I hate;  
But thankful even for hate, that is meant love.  
  
Janos: How now, how now, chop-logic! What is this?  
'Proud,' and 'I thank you,' and 'I thank you not;'  
And yet 'not proud,' mistress minion, you,  
Thank me no thankings, nor, proud me no prouds,  
But fettle your fine joints 'gainst Thursday next,  
To go with Paris to Saint Peter's Church,  
Or I will drag thee on a hurdle thither.  
Out, you green-sickness carrion! out, you baggage!  
You tallow-face!  
  
(Pretends to slap Ariel across the face; the Seraphim gasp in shock. They don't know that this is part of the play and begin to lash back at Janos)  
  
Zofia: Father, how could you? Juliet doesn't want to marry if she does not love Paris! How could you strike her?  
  
Lorant: Her heart is broken! For once feel a little remorse. I thought you were so cool but now I'm beginning to think differently of you, Janos!  
  
Cili: Janos, you've had so much pain in your life so how can you not feel for poor Juliet!  
  
Janos: It's only a part in the play! This isn't real!  
  
Zofia: I don't want to hear this now! (Sits down fuming with Lorant and Cili casting him the Evil Eye glances)   
  
Melchiah: (Nervously) Okay people, back to the play. Only a little more to do! (Clears his throat) Fie, fie! what, are you mad?  
  
Ariel: (Pretending to cry) Good father, I beseech you on my knees,  
Hear me with patience but to speak a word.  
  
Janos: (Shouting at Ariel) Hang thee, young baggage! disobedient wretch!  
I tell thee what: get thee to church o' Thursday,  
Or never after look me in the face:  
Speak not, reply not, do not answer me;  
My fingers itch. Wife, we scarce thought us blest  
That God had lent us but this only child;  
But now I see this one is one too much,  
And that we have a curse in having her:  
Out on her, hilding!  
  
Zephon: God in heaven bless her!  
You are to blame, my lord, to rate her so.  
  
Janos: (Makes to strike Zephon) And why, my lady wisdom? hold your tongue,  
Good prudence; smatter with your gossips, go.  
  
Zephon: I speak no treason.  
  
Janos: O, God ye god-den.  
  
Zephon: May not one speak?  
  
Janos: Peace, you mumbling fool!  
Utter your gravity o'er a gossip's bowl;  
For here we need it not.  
  
Melchiah: (Restraining Janos's hand) You are too hot.  
  
Janos: God's bread! it makes me mad:  
Day, night, hour, tide, time, work, play,  
Alone, in company, still my care hath been  
To have her match'd: and having now provided  
A gentleman of noble parentage,  
Of fair demesnes, youthful, and nobly train'd,  
Stuff'd, as they say, with honourable parts,  
Proportion'd as one's thought would wish a man;  
And then to have a wretched puling fool,  
A whining mammet, in her fortune's tender,  
To answer 'I'll not wed; I cannot love,  
I am too young; I pray you, pardon me.'  
But, as you will not wed, I'll pardon you:  
Graze where you will you shall not house with me:  
Look to't, think on't, I do not use to jest.  
Thursday is near; lay hand on heart, advise:  
An you be mine, I'll give you to my friend;  
And you be not, hang, beg, starve, die in  
the streets,  
For, by my soul, I'll ne'er acknowledge thee,  
Nor what is mine shall never do thee good:  
Trust to't, bethink you; I'll not be forsworn.  
  
(Janos casts one more look at the sobbing form of Ariel and stalks out of the room and exits the stage. People boo and hiss after him and even the other cast members look at Janos like they've seen someone quite different. It is a side they've never seen to him, after all)   
  
Ariel: Is there no pity sitting in the clouds,  
That sees into the bottom of my grief?  
O, sweet my mother, cast me not away!  
Delay this marriage for a month, a week;  
Or, if you do not, make the bridal bed  
In that dim monument where Tybalt lies.  
  
Melchiah: (Sneering) Talk not to me, for I'll not speak a word:  
Do as thou wilt, for I have done with thee.  
  
(Exits the stage as well with a twist of his head)  
  
Ariel: O God!--O nurse, how shall this be prevented?  
My husband is on earth, my faith in heaven;  
How shall that faith return again to earth,  
Unless that husband send it me from heaven  
By leaving earth? comfort me, counsel me.  
Alack, alack, that heaven should practise stratagems  
Upon so soft a subject as myself!  
What say'st thou? hast thou not a word of joy?  
Some comfort, nurse.  
  
Zephon: (Hugging Ariel as best as he can despite the dress, makeup and the fact that's she's a ghost) Faith, here it is.  
Romeo is banish'd; and all the world to nothing,  
That he dares ne'er come back to challenge you;  
Or, if he do, it needs must be by stealth.  
Then, since the case so stands as now it doth,  
I think it best you married with the county.  
O, he's a lovely gentleman!  
Romeo's a dishclout to him: an eagle, madam,  
Hath not so green, so quick, so fair an eye  
As Paris hath. Beshrew my very heart,  
I think you are happy in this second match,  
For it excels your first: or if it did not,  
Your first is dead; or 'twere as good he were,  
As living here and you no use of him.  
  
Ariel: Speakest thou from thy heart?  
  
Zephon: And from my soul too;  
Or else beshrew them both.  
  
Ariel: Well, thou hast comforted me marvellous much.  
Go in: and tell my lady I am gone,  
Having displeased my father, to Laurence' cell,  
To make confession and to be absolved.  
  
Zephon: Marry, I will; and this is wisely done.  
  
(Leaves the stage as well, now Ariel is alone. The audience looks to her and a even a few people have made posters quickly that say 'We Support You Juliet' and others with the words 'Down With Janos' written on them. And this is not of the Sarafan's doing either)  
  
Ariel: Ancient damnation! O most wicked fiend!  
Is it more sin to wish me thus forsworn,  
Or to dispraise my lord with that same tongue  
Which she hath praised him with above compare  
So many thousand times? Go, counsellor;  
Thou and my bosom henceforth shall be twain.  
I'll to the friar, to know his remedy:  
If all else fail, myself have power to die.  
  
(The curtain falls; the 3rd Act is over. Anamae quickly brushes onstage, shielding away from Ariel as best as she can. The horror, oh the horror of it all. The audience is almost in a state of frenzy, wanting to hang Janos)  
  
Anamae: People please be quiet! Get rid of those posters, we're not having a movement going on here!  
  
Random Seraphim: What Janos did was low! Low!  
  
Random Sarafan: Yeah, no girl should be treated like that!  
  
Elder God: Burn him!  
  
Anamae: It's a play people, and he's playing the role as best as possible! You're supposed to hate Lord Capulet, not Janos! Okay? (Mutterings) Now we'll have the intermission for about thirty minutes and everyone can go and stretch, and cool down your tempers. And if I see anyone, ANYONE trying to come back stage to harm Janos, you will not be seeing any more plays done by the Nosgoth Theatre house.  
  
(Everyone files out, sharing their comments and insights about the scene)  
  
Suzu: Anamae.  
  
Anamae: Yeah?  
  
Suzu: Zofia, Lorant and Cili are scaring me. What should I do?  
  
Anamae: Improve. Everyone seems to be doing it now.  
  
Suzu: All right. (Turns to leave, then comes back) For what it's worth, I think Janos is a good actor.  
  
Anamae: Yeah, but he better calm down just a bit because people here take it a bit too far. Go and check on the fire I set during last intermission; put it out if it's still burning.  
  
Suzu: Alright! 


	23. The Third Intermission

Suzu: (Running up the steps to the fire, huffing and puffing) Oh, I gotta exercise more. No flying around for me this month, I need to build up on my legs. And I shouldn't have eaten that burger that Marcus offered me. Quarter pounder my ass, it was still raw!  
  
(People are passing Suzu on the stairs as she makes her way up to the second floor. They're carrying with them assorted weapons)  
  
Suzu: Where are you guys going with those?  
  
First person: Well, if the line gets really bad this time we'll be able to defend ourselves with these babies! No vampire is gonna make a meal outta me. (Whirls a morning star in the air and screams as it becomes embedded in his foot)  
  
Second person: We got them from the Sarafan Lord. He's a really nice guy!  
  
Suzu: ----rrriiiiiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhhhhhttttttttttt! You guys just better not intentionally injure anyone!   
(Thinking to herself) But they do stand a better chance of killing themselves with the way they're holding the weapons. (Waves to the stupid people) Later.  
  
First & second person(s): Bye! (Both clunk their heads with the maces their holding, effectively knocking themselves out. A fledgling vampire comes by and grabs the people to eat them later down the line)  
  
Suzu: Oh boy.   
  
(The seraphim/human continued to walk up the stairs until she finally arrived at the second level. Smoke is billowing from the closet where Anamae put the match from the last intermission. Suzu opens the door, sees the fire billowing out, as well as an assortment of demons capering around in the flames, then shuts the door again)  
  
Suzu: Yeah, that makes sense. (Opens up the door again)  
  
First little demon: Burn, baby burn!  
  
Second little demon: Disco inferno!  
  
(A little disco ball comes out of nowhere and 80's rock music begins to play. With this slightly disturbing scene etched into her mind, Suzu closes the door and decides that the fire is effectively under control, just that a couple of demons have taken up resident and decided to open a night club at the same time. Nothing new to report; the flames wouldn't spread anymore)  
  
***  
  
(Down at the food stalls. William the Just and Hash'ak'git both agreed that if they put on assorted music then no one would want to fight because they would be too busy listening to the music. At the moment, the goth/punk song 'The Kinslayer' by Nightwish is blaring over the PA system)  
  
Moebius: What a horrible sound.  
  
Mortanius: It isn't all that bad. If you don't mind a mix of opera and rock music. It's sweeping the whole country, you know.  
  
Moebius: Well, it still sucks.  
  
Dejoule: Shut up, I cannot hear the words!  
  
Moebius: What is there to hear? Someone going on and on how they have killed all their enemies before them and then they go psycho, slaying even their own kin. What does it mean?  
  
Nupraptor: I believe it holds some sub-consciousness significance. Like how the Sarafan turned amongst themselves, persecuting everyone in their ranks and then-  
  
Bane: We don't need a history lesson, Nuppy. So get off of it.  
  
Random Seraphim: Be quiet, mortals. We enjoy this music and intend to listen to it, okay? Oh, I love that line 'Good wombs have born bad sons.'  
  
Moebius: That makes no sense!  
  
Random Seraphim: If one were to look at you, then you would understand the meaning of the line.  
  
Moebius: What was that?  
  
Dejoule: He insulted you.  
  
Random Seraphim: Yes, and I shall do it again and again until you shut up. (Listens to the next piece of music, which is a piano instrumental) Oh, I like this!  
  
(In fact, it seems that most of the people do. Some actually begin to dance in the lines with their respective partners. William, who is for once serving food to the many customers, does not have to worry about getting chopped up, stabbed, burned, fanged, or clobbered by any angry people. They all seem so --- mellow)  
  
William the Just: I told you it would work, Hash'ak'git.  
  
Hash'ak'git: Whatever. (The slow music stops and more heavy metal comes on from the Cruxshadows) Oh yeah, this is the good stuff!  
  
(And now the crowd begins to get rambunctious and for no reason the theatre house's lights dim, strobe lights come on and everyone begins to go all out like it's a rave)  
  
Faustus: Hey, I like this music.  
  
Sebastian: (Looking at a strobe light) It's shiny and flashy and mesmerizing - I am coming to the light. (Eyes get burned when he looks at it too closely) Ah, it burns!!!!!  
  
Faustus: (Shouting over the people dancing and singing) Marcus, are you all right?  
  
(Unfortunately Marcus was not all right. Since his powers are those of the mind, any noise that is a bit too loud for him will give him a headache. He is, at the moment, effectively having a seizure on the ground, holding his head in his hands and rolling back and forth while frothing at the mouth)  
  
Lorant: Is he gonna be okay?  
  
Faustus: He'll get over it.  
  
(Further down the line)  
  
Turel: (Dancing with a water nymph, in fact the same one that Rahab had his eyes on before) So can you live out of the water too?  
  
Water nymph: Oh you, hehehehehe!  
  
Dumah: Will this music stop?  
  
Raziel: I dunno. And Turel better watch out to make sure Rahab doesn't attack him or something like that. I hope they're still selling those burritos.  
  
Dumah: The ones with the cheese and onions in them? The ones that give you bad gas and would most likely make you torch down the whole Sanctuary of the Clans if you positioned yourself in front of any flame, no matter how small it would be?  
  
Raziel: (Silence, then) Yes Dumah. Those burritos.  
  
Dumah: I'm bored. I bet I could make a mob happen here.  
  
Zephon: (Still dressed up) Please don't, Dumah.   
  
Dumah: Because you asked so nicely, I'm gonna do the exact opposite and start a mob scene. (Climbs up on a box holding extra food and cups his hands to his mouth) People, listen up! (Music stops, all eyes turn towards Dumah) People, I have from official sources that Janos is actually beating up on Ariel at this exact moment.  
  
(Gasps come from the crowd of vampires, humans/Sarafan and Seraphim)  
  
Dumah: Now who is with me is rescuing Ariel from Janos?  
  
(The whole crowd shouts out and begins to stampede back towards the main part of the theatre house. They stream around the chairs and aisles, brandishing axes and pitchforks that they all somehow managed to pick up, chanting how they were going to destroy Janos in the worst possible ways, like the good old tar and feathers solution or the rack)  
  
Raziel: (Still in line to get his food) Are you proud of this, Dumah?  
  
Dumah: Yes, I am.  
  
Raziel: You have now effectively screwed us, and the whole play, over. Without Lord Capulet, nothing can go on.  
  
Dumah: (Realization comes across his face) Uh-oh. Umm, where's Zephon?  
  
Turel: Stampeded somewhere underneath the people. He couldn't get out of the way with his high heels, but he'll be fine once we find him. If we find him. (Looks at the non-existent line) All right, we don't have to wait anymore.  
  
(Backstage)  
  
Anamae: (Playing cards with Umah) What the hell is that noise? (Goes over to the curtains and opens it up, seeing the tidal wave of people) Oh shit!  
  
Umah: (Sees the people too) Janos, run away!!!!!!!!  
  
(Janos, who had been trying to explain to a very angry Kain that he was only acting the whole time and didn't really hit her, saw the evil humanity come spilling across the stage and racing towards him)  
  
Janos: Why are my own people attacking me?  
  
Rahabim vampire: There he is! Get the giant winged blueberry! (Tosses a spear at Janos)  
  
(Well Anamae tried to step out in front of the crowd, waving her hands and shouting at them to stop. But whom do you think actually won in this little mess? The score is as follows: Mob - 1 Anamae - 0. Janos flew up into the higher reaches of the theatre house, right into the rigging. The cast and crewmembers, yes even Malek, tried to stop the people from attacking the very old Ancient. Janos couldn't fight very well, because as we all know in BO2, he got his respective ass kicked by the Sarafan Lord easily)  
  
Sarafan Lord: (Watching from the balcony) Oh yes, he did.  
  
Kain: Back people, back! (Begins to chop at them with Soul Reaver)  
  
Umah: Don't do that! They're paying customers!  
  
(Now someone had the brilliant idea of getting Ariel so she could explain to everyone that she was okay and nothing bad was happening to her. So Vorador dragged out Ariel from her dressing room and pulled her in front of the mob so they could see that she was all right)  
  
Vorador: Look people, look! Ariel is not abused at all!  
  
Random mobster: How do we know for sure?  
  
Ariel: Because Janos wouldn't do anything like that!  
  
Janos: Indeed I would not. (Holding onto a coil of rope at the very top of the ceiling)  
  
Ariel: People, as the directress has stated, this is all a play and does not pertain to real life in any fashion, like RPGing with a passion with friends online.  
  
Elder God: Let's ask the directress once again! Where is she?  
  
King Ottomar: I do believe that we have effectively trampled her, like the nurse.  
  
Kain: Oh, I'll get her. (Wades through the crowd and finally picks up Anamae by the scruff of her neck)  
  
Anamae: Mommy---all the pretty colours and faces---ponies and unicorns---  
  
Kain: Look what you people have done. It will be a dark miracle if she comes back to her complete senses and retains her sanity.  
  
Umah: Kain, she wasn't very sane to begin with.  
  
Kain: That's beside the point!  
  
Anamae: (Snaps back to the real world) I'm fine, really.  
  
Kain: Good. (Drops her) Explain to the people once again that this is all make-believe.  
  
Anamae: (Looks at the crowd) What he said.  
  
(The crowd muttered and grumbled, uncertain of what to do now)  
  
Malek: Go back and get some food?  
  
(The crowd agreed with the Sarafan paladin, moving back from the stage and heading out the doors to retake their place in line)  
  
Vorador: Father, you can come down now!  
  
Janos: Okay.  
  
(So Janos tried to come down, with a half-glide/climbing motion. Unfortunately, Janos lost his grip and fell head first into the stage floor. As such, he was knocked out)  
  
Kain: This is not good.  
  
Umah: Tell me about it.  
  
Anamae: Well, that's nothing new with everything that's been happening. Melchiah, drag Janos off next to the knocked out director. Vorador, since you kinda made him come down and knock him out, and that you know his lines, you'll be playing his part now.  
  
Vorador: I'm to be Lord Capulet as well as Lord Montague? Isn't it a little redundant?  
  
Anamae: I'm beyond all caring now. It's like flogging the proverbial dead horse. (Looks over to her right and sees a group of people hitting a stuffed horse) I hate my life. The play will go on even if it all comes down to one person playing everyone else's parts!  
  
Vorador: Very well. Then let the play commence; at least I have more lines. 


	24. Act 4, Scene I

(Everyone has finally returned to their seats, placing away their pickaxes, shovels, or assorted mob weapons. Either way, they're happy that Janos was knocked out and got what he deserved, or so all said. Anamae grabbed Rahab, Ariel and Malek; the Sarafan Paladin was poking the Ancient with his spear just to make sure that he was down and nothing suprising would happen. Oh, only if Malek knew.)  
  
Anamae: Okay Malek, you come in with Friar Lawrence and blab about how happy you are that Ariel is going to be your wife.  
  
Malek: I don't want her for my wife.  
  
Anamae: No, what I mean-  
  
Ariel: Are you saying I wouldn't make a good wife?  
  
Malek: You don't even have half a face!  
  
Ariel: (Her eye watering) Kain!!!!!!!  
  
(Kain comes storming in, knocking Malek upside the head, then vanishes back to his dressing room to look himself over once again.)  
  
Rahab: Continue, directress.  
  
Anamae: And anyway Malek, I want you to act almost lovey-dovey towards Juliet when she comes in. Ariel, you act cold as always and Rahab, since you already know everything that's happening I want you to act like you're all pained and angsty...*looks at Rahab* which can't be too hard for you.  
  
Rahab: How long until I become the poisoner?  
  
Ariel: Don't worry Rahab, not for a while yet.  
  
Malek: I think Ariel might hold it against you personally when you do kill her!  
  
Ariel: Malek!  
  
Rahab: (Begins to cry) Ariel, I don't mean to kill you!!!!  
  
Anamae: Shut up!!! Malek, get into your ruffled collar and take off your damn helm and go out there and look...oh yeah I forgot that you're only an animated suit of armour. *Laughs at the seething look Malek gives her* Well, get the ruffled collar on anyways.  
  
(Malek gets the ruffled collar on that somehow manages to choke him even if he doesn't have a neck to speak of. Anamae shoves Rahab into the centre of the stage with the backdrop that of the Drowned Abbey, then runs backstage again and gives the signal for the curtain to rise. In the audience, where Sebastian was telling everyone the time Kain got drunk and went on a strip tease, was immediatly silenced by a couple of people with pea shooters and made to sit back down and watch the beginning of the fourth act.)  
  
(Rahab is standing in the middle of the Abbey, near the altar and Malek enters from the left wing. The Sarafan cheer for their commander, then wonder why he has to wear a silly ass frilly collar around his non-exsitant neck.)  
  
Rahab: On Thursday, sir? the time is very short.  
  
Malek: (Looking at Rahab and trying to get the collar off) My father Capulet will have it so;  
And I am nothing slow to slack his haste  
  
Rahab:You say you do not know the lady's mind:  
Uneven is the course, I like it not. (Leans over to Malek) Leave the collar alone!  
  
Malek: Make me!!! (Frantically tries to take it off, then begins to choke) Immoderately she weeps for Tybalt's death,  
And therefore have I little talk'd of love;  
For Venus smiles not in a house of tears.  
Now, sir, her father counts it dangerous  
That she doth give her sorrow so much sway,  
And in his wisdom hastes our marriage,  
To stop the inundation of her tears;  
Which, too much minded by herself alone,  
May be put from her by society:  
Now do you know the reason of this haste.  
  
(So while Malek is talking and choking at the same time, Anamae is bashing her head backstage with the help of Turel. Vorador is snickering quietly to himself as Malek falls down on one knee and groans when Rahab helps him take off the collar. The vampire lieutenant tosses it into the crowd, where it is grabbed as a souviner by a Malek fangirl...yes, they do exist.)  
  
Rahab: Malek, you okay?  
  
Malek: (Wheezing) It will...pass. Continue...the story.  
  
Rahab:(Trying to look sad after what has happened) I would I knew not why it should be slow'd.  
Look, sir, here comes the lady towards my cell.  
  
(Ariel comes in from the right wing; people begin to clap and cheer for Juliet, encouraging the girl to keep on truckin' as the Elder God stated.)  
  
Malek: (Rising to embrace Ariel; then passes right through her) Happily met, my lady and my wife!  
  
Ariel: (Looking at him coldly) That may be, sir, when I may be a wife.  
  
Malek: That may be must be, love, on Thursday next.  
  
Ariel: What must be shall be.  
  
(On the balcony)  
  
Sarafan Lord: Well, that was a cold brush off.  
  
Keeves the Bulter: Well, Milord if she does not love him but is forced to marry him, then she will make every moment a living hell for him.  
  
Sarafan Lord: Reminds me why I never married.  
  
Keeves the Bulter: Yes, Milord.  
  
(Back onsatge)  
  
Rahab: That's a certain text.  
  
Malek: Come you to make confession to this father?  
  
Ariel: (Turns her head away) To answer that, I should confess to you.  
  
Malek: Do not deny to him that you love me.  
  
Ariel: I will confess to you that I love him.  
  
Rahab: You love me, Ariel?  
  
Ariel: No, it's in the script, Rahab!  
  
Rahab: ...oh.  
  
Malek: Getting back to the script, people!!   
  
Rahab: Fine.  
  
Malek: So will ye, I am sure, that you love me.  
  
Ariel: If I do so, it will be of more price,  
Being spoke behind your back, than to your face.  
  
Audience: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!  
  
Malek: Poor soul, thy face is much abused with tears.  
  
Ariel: The tears have got small victory by that;  
For it was bad enough before their spite.  
  
Malek: Thou wrong'st it, more than tears, with that report.  
  
Ariel: That is no slander, sir, which is a truth;  
And what I spake, I spake it to my face.  
  
(Backstage)  
  
Turel: What the hell does spake mean?  
  
Melchiah: I think it's the same as speak only you mess around with the k and the e.  
  
Turel: Shakespeake must have been on drugs when he was making this.  
  
Umah: Research has shown that he did take drugs, Turel.  
  
Turel: ...oh.  
  
(Onstage)  
  
Malek: (Rising his hand as if to slap Ariel; a tomato comes flying through the air and hits the paladin. When looking for the culprit, everyone is rather suprised to see it was Moebius who threw the offending piece of vegetable.) Thy face is mine, and thou hast slander'd it.  
  
Ariel: (Looks at Rahab) It may be so, for it is not mine own.  
Are you at leisure, holy father, now;  
Or shall I come to you at evening mass?  
  
Rahab: My leisure serves me, pensive daughter, now.  
My lord, we must entreat the time alone.  
  
Malek: (Rolls his eyes) God shield I should disturb devotion!  
Juliet, on Thursday early will I rouse ye:  
Till then, adieu; and keep this holy kiss.  
  
(Malek leans over and tries to kiss Ariel, but another piece of fruit, this time an orange tossed by Mortanius hits the paladin on his back. Controlling the rage that was sure to come out in a most violent way, Malek leaves the stage, goes into the curtains, doesn't look where he's going and gets hit by a low boom that was there for one reason or another.)  
  
Ariel: O shut the door! and when thou hast done so,  
Come weep with me; past hope, past cure, past help!  
  
Rahab: Ah, Juliet, I already know thy grief;  
It strains me past the compass of my wits:  
I hear thou must, and nothing may prorogue it,  
On Thursday next be married to this county. (Mutters under his breath) As accident prone as he is.  
  
Ariel: Tell me not, friar, that thou hear'st of this,  
Unless thou tell me how I may prevent it:  
If, in thy wisdom, thou canst give no help,  
Do thou but call my resolution wise,  
And with this knife I'll help it presently.  
God join'd my heart and Romeo's, thou our hands;  
And ere this hand, by thee to Romeo seal'd,  
Shall be the label to another deed,  
Or my true heart with treacherous revolt  
Turn to another, this shall slay them both:  
Therefore, out of thy long-experienced time,  
Give me some present counsel, or, behold,  
'Twixt my extremes and me this bloody knife  
Shall play the umpire, arbitrating that  
Which the commission of thy years and art  
Could to no issue of true honour bring.  
Be not so long to speak; I long to die,  
If what thou speak'st speak not of remedy.  
  
Rahab: (Nods his head sagely even if he didn't understand all the words.) Hold, daughter: I do spy a kind of hope,  
Which craves as desperate an execution.  
As that is desperate which we would prevent.  
If, rather than to marry County Paris,  
Thou hast the strength of will to slay thyself,  
Then is it likely thou wilt undertake  
A thing like death to chide away this shame,  
That copest with death himself to scape from it:  
And, if thou darest, I'll give thee remedy.  
  
Ariel: O, bid me leap, rather than marry Paris,  
From off the battlements of yonder tower;  
Or walk in thievish ways; or bid me lurk  
Where serpents are; chain me with roaring bears;  
Or shut me nightly in a charnel-house,  
O'er-cover'd quite with dead men's rattling bones,  
With reeky shanks and yellow chapless skulls;  
Or bid me go into a new-made grave  
And hide me with a dead man in his shroud;  
Things that, to hear them told, have made me tremble;  
And I will do it without fear or doubt,  
To live an unstain'd wife to my sweet love.  
  
Rahab: Don't go overboard, Ariel. (Thinking to himself) And this is where it all begins! The tradegy that will unfold, how I began this horrible act of death that will only be rightened in the end because two lovers die, that they have no hope of-  
  
Ariel: Rahab.  
  
Rahab: What?  
  
Ariel: Sorry to interfer with your thinking, but you need to get on with your lines. Juliet wants to die by poison, so you have to come and say the next lines, then we can continue.  
  
Rahab: All right. Hold, then; go home, be merry, give consent  
To marry Paris: Wednesday is to-morrow:  
To-morrow night look that thou lie alone;  
Let not thy nurse lie with thee in thy chamber:  
Take thou this vial, being then in bed,  
And this distilled liquor drink thou off;  
When presently through all thy veins shall run  
A cold and drowsy humour, for no pulse  
Shall keep his native progress, but surcease:  
No warmth, no breath, shall testify thou livest;  
The roses in thy lips and cheeks shall fade  
To paly ashes, thy eyes' windows fall,  
Like death, when he shuts up the day of life;  
Each part, deprived of supple government,  
Shall, stiff and stark and cold, appear like death:  
And in this borrow'd likeness of shrunk death  
Thou shalt continue two and forty hours,  
And then awake as from a pleasant sleep.  
Now, when the bridegroom in the morning comes  
To rouse thee from thy bed, there art thou dead:  
Then, as the manner of our country is,  
In thy best robes uncover'd on the bier  
Thou shalt be borne to that same ancient vault  
Where all the kindred of the Capulets lie.  
In the mean time, against thou shalt awake,  
Shall Romeo by my letters know our drift,  
And hither shall he come: and he and I  
Will watch thy waking, and that very night  
Shall Romeo bear thee hence to Mantua.  
And this shall free thee from this present shame;  
If no inconstant toy, nor womanish fear,  
Abate thy valour in the acting it.  
  
(In the audience)  
  
Nupraptor: Damn, that was long. Really long.  
  
Moebius: 5 minutes and 47 seconds.  
  
Mortanius: Stop timing that; it's already three chapters old.  
  
Dejoule: Shush. Now the play is getting intresting!!  
  
(Back Onstage)  
  
Ariel: (Looking morbidly happy) Give me, give me! O, tell not me of fear!  
  
Rahab: Hold; get you gone, be strong and prosperous  
In this resolve: I'll send a friar with speed  
To Mantua, with my letters to thy lord.  
  
Ariel: Love give me strength! and strength shall help afford.Farewell, dear father!  
  
(The curtain falls. Rahab sighs and wipes the sweat from his brow, then looks up to see Zephon grinning down on him.)  
  
Zephon: Poisoner.  
  
(With that single word, Zephon left Rahab, who was now once again having the crisis in his mind. Ariel went off to see Kain while Anamae snapped her fingers importantly as the props were being moved around.)  
  
Anamae: Rahab, you okay? (Looks at the now shaking vampire)  
  
Rahab: Poisoner...friar...Jekell and Hyde...  
  
Anamae: Crap. Someone get him off the stage. (Looks at her clipboard) Vorador, get over here!  
  
Vorador: What?  
  
Anamae: Now it's suppose to be Capulet in the next scene, who was Janos but since your father is now knocked out, you will play his part besides Melchiah. Zephon will be in the scene as well, and two serving men, who will be.....(looks at the cast behind her; selects two Glyph guards) them!  
  
Vorador: Do I have to change costume?  
  
Anamae: What do you think? 


	25. Act 4, Scene II

(Anamae blows a whistle, blowing up a vampire crewman's head beside her)  
  
Aname: Oops, I guess I should have warned him. (Looks at Vorador) Ready?  
  
(Vorador is dressed in the costume that Janos had been in. Unfortunatly, Vorador is a little wide in the shoulders so the costume is rather tight across his chest, which shows off his muscles. But of course he doesn't seem to mind, although the shoes with the golden buckles do seem rather tight. Umah fixes the frilly collar – not that same one that tried to kill Malek – around her sire's neck.)  
  
Vorador: (Preening in the mirror) I look good!!! Hey Melchiah, don't I look handsome?  
  
Melchiah: Why are you asking me this?  
  
Vorador: Because.  
  
Melchiah: You're confusing me. Stop confusing me! Everyone is messing around with my mind and I can't take it anymore, alright!!! I can't take it anymore!!!! (Runs away only to be dragged back by security)  
  
Anamae: Glyph Guards, you ready?  
  
Glyph Guard 1: Yeah, but why don't you give us names?  
  
Glyph Guard 2: Everyone else has names.  
  
Anamae: Because I'm lazy and the chances of you two dying in this scene are quite high, so why give you names and get attatched to you if death is the only thing waiting for you at the end of the line?  
  
Zephon: Oh, she has a point.  
  
Glyph Guard 1: Shut up.  
  
Zephon: (Sticks out his tounge)  
  
Glyph Guard 2: Don't do that, it just encourages him. Besides, the boss is out there and after he sees our preformance then he'll surely force the authoress to give us names.  
  
Glyph Guard 1: You do realize that our boss is actually someone from another dimension, an alien race that plans on killing the vampires and then enslaving us all, right?  
  
Glyph Guard 2: Do I still get paid?  
  
Glyph Guard 1: I guess so.  
  
(In the audience)  
  
Lorant: Hey nonny nonny nonny!!!! (Waves the middle finger up at the Sarafan Lord) Can't get me!  
  
Zofia: Lorant, I don't think that's such a good idea.  
  
Cili: What does nonny mean?  
  
(Suzu, who was walking down the aisle, quickly walks over to Cili, pushing Zofia rudely out of her chair and sitting down beside her.)  
  
Suzu: It means 'idiot' or 'jacka**'.  
  
Cili: Wait a minute. Why were the last two letters blipped out?  
  
Suzu: (Looks at the words) Because of the rating of this fanfic.  
  
Lorant: (Yelling louder) HEY NONNY NONNY NONNY!!!!!!!!!!! I am Lorant and I am the best!!!  
  
Zofia: (Getting up from the floor) Get out of my seat, Suzu.  
  
Adojan: Zofia...(pats his lap) room for one more.  
  
Suzu: (Winking at Zofia) I think you should take it. An old lady like yourself can't do any worse.  
  
Zofia: (Screaming) OLD LADY?!!!! What the hell do you take me for? I'm younger than you!!! I'll kill you-  
  
(Zofia was ready to hit Suzu. But at the same time, Lorant who was jumping up and down in his seat while screaming cuss words at the Sarafan Lord got hit on the head by a large boulder, by none other than the Sarafan Lord. This in turn made him fall forwards onto Zofia, who then fell into Adojan's lap, which made Suzu grab everyone's treats and run back to her own seat.)  
  
Sarafan Lord: Was it a hit, Keeves?  
  
Keeves the Bulter: (Snooty voice) Hmmm, yes milord. That Ancient won't be talking for a while yet.  
  
(Meanwhile up in the balcony)  
  
Ezra: Oh, I'm gonna go over there and kick Sebastian's butt.  
  
Alden: Why?  
  
Ezra: Because!!!!!  
  
Serin: Not a good enough reason.  
  
Ezra: I need a reason now?  
  
Rufus: (Takes out a paper) In the rules of the Nosgoth theatre house, it states: 'If you wish to injure a person, you must have a very good reason why.' Like how the Sarafan Lord took out Lorant; he was damn annoying.  
  
Ezra: Okay, then the reason I wanna kick Sebastian's butt is because of his freaky voice!  
  
Alden: Well that's not nice. Maybe Sebastian was born with a voice like that!  
  
Serin: Yeah, it's not his fault he has a speech impediment!!  
  
(Down in the seats with Faustus, Marcus, Sebastian and Suzu)  
  
Sebastian: Yes, I do have a speech impediment and I would like it if you people would stop making fun of me.  
  
Marcus: But it's so much fun!  
  
Sebastain: Shut up, baldy!  
  
Faustus: Whoa, now that was just hurtful!  
  
Marcus: (Sobbing) At least you have hair!!! Waaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!  
  
Suzu: (Sipping Adojan's soda) I think he backwashed in this. (Sees the emotional display) I need to get new seats.  
  
(Backstage)  
  
Kain: The crowd's getting riled up!!  
  
Rahab: How did the Sarafan Lord get boulders?  
  
Kain: I don't know. Go ask him.  
  
Rahab: I believe I will. (Walks off)  
  
Kain: (Grabs Rahab) Come back here, ungrateful son. Just because I tell you to go and do something doesn't mean you have to do it. What if I told you that Dumah had jumped off a bridge somewhere?  
  
Rahab: Dumah jumped off a bridge?! I have to go and save him! (Runs off)  
  
Kain: (Hitting himself) And he's suppose to be the smartest one in the bunch...  
  
Anamae: Alright, everyone onstage! Capulet mansion! Now everyone hold your spots while I go out onstage and tell everyone about the changes to the character of Lord Capulet. (Walks out onstage) People, because of an unforseen accident, Vorador will now also be playing the part of Lord Capulet in the play.  
  
Bane: Isn't that redundant?  
  
Anamae: (Shrugs her shoulders) Like I care. As long as he knows the lines I'm happy. And now scene 2. (Sees Lorant crushed underneath the boulder in the middle of the theatre house.) Oro.  
  
(As always, the curtain pulls back, but got caught halfway because someone was sleeping in the ropes. After much cursing, blowing up of heads and other people, said person was removed from the rigging and the curtain could slid back majestically or whatever you want to call it. The Capulet household came into view, with the sceneic view something from Turel's palace. In fact, it did come from Turel's palace but he doesn't know anything about it, all the better. Vorador is standing beside Melchiah with a look of 'I'm-so-big-because-I'm-playing-two-parts' on his green face while in the back extras are preparing for the wedding, adding white streamers here and there, as well as the expensive roses and other flowers.)  
  
Vorador: So many guests invite as here are writ. (Looks at the first Glyph Guard and hands him a piece of paper) Sirrah, go hire me twenty cunning cooks.  
  
(And the first Glyph Guard leaves...yes, that was his whole scene. Hey, at least he survived.)  
Second Glyph Guard: You shall have none ill, sir; for I'll try if they  
can lick their fingers. (Thinking to himself) Now what the hell does that all mean? Lick someone's fingers? Eww.  
  
Vorador: How canst thou try them so?  
  
Second Glyph Guard: Marry, sir, 'tis an ill cook that cannot lick his  
own fingers: therefore he that cannot lick his  
fingers goes not with me. (Thinking) That's so nasty. The chef would give something like food poisoning to everyone else. How do you know if the chef even washed his hands after he comes back from using the washroom? You really can't trust chefs. Oh, I don't understand this play, I'm no good at it. I want to get out of here and go home and watch some television, but I don't know what to watch just yet. Maybe something funny, like 'Look Whose Laughing' only with the children because when the kids show up it's so much more fun. It reminds me-  
  
Vorador: Excuse me. If you could get out of your thoughts and VO then we could kindly continue with the play. And you're thinking so loudly that everyone heard you. (Audience nods in agreement) Go, be gone.  
  
(And with that, the second Glyph Guard leaves without dying...yet.)  
  
Vorador: (Turns to Zephon, who was eyeing the crowd and daring them to make him burn them) We shall be much unfurnished for this time.  
What, is my daughter gone to Friar Laurence?  
  
Nurse: Ay, forsooth.  
  
Vorador: Well, he may chance to do some good on her:  
A peevish self-will'd harlotry it is.  
  
Nurse: See where she comes from shrift with merry look.  
  
(In comes Ariel, with a fake plastered smile to the one side of her face. She giggles stupidly and bats her one eyelash coyly at the audience, since they're all in on the deal and the rest of the characters of the play, who haven't read the play completely, don't know what's going to happen yet.)  
  
Vorador: How now, my headstrong! where have you been gadding?  
  
Ariel: (Gives a breathy giggle) Where I have learn'd me to repent the sin  
Of disobedient opposition  
To you and your behests, and am enjoin'd  
By holy Laurence to fall prostrate here,  
And beg your pardon: pardon, I beseech you!  
Henceforward I am ever ruled by you.  
  
Vorador: Send for the county; go tell him of this:  
I'll have this knot knit up to-morrow morning.  
  
Ariel: (Blanches slightly) I met the youthful lord at Laurence' cell;  
And gave him what becomed love I might,  
Not step o'er the bounds of modesty.  
  
Vorador: Why, I am glad on't; this is well: stand up:  
This is as't should be. Let me see the county;  
Ay, marry, go, I say, and fetch him hither.  
Now, afore God! this reverend holy friar,  
Our whole city is much bound to him.  
  
Ariel: (Turns to Zephon, who was having a staring contest with the Elder God) Nurse, will you go with me into my closet,  
To help me sort such needful ornaments  
As you think fit to furnish me to-morrow?  
  
Melchiah: (Looking confused for some reason) No, not till Thursday; there is time enough.  
  
Vorador: (Waving his hand around commandingly) Go, nurse, go with her: we'll to church to-morrow.  
  
(Zephon and Ariel exit and Vorador walks around the stage like he owns the damn joint, which he well could with all the money he has but doesn't care to invest at all.)  
  
Melchiah: We shall be short in our provision:  
'Tis now near night.  
  
(One of the extras, while pinning up a large flower heart wreath, falls down from the ladder and horribly kills herself. Anamae comes onstage quickly and drags the corpse off, where Kain is waiting eagerly to sink his fangs into the unknowing supper.)  
  
Vorador: Tush, I will stir about,  
And all things shall be well, I warrant thee, wife:  
Go thou to Juliet, help to deck up her;  
I'll not to bed to-night; let me alone;  
I'll play the housewife for this once. What, ho!  
They are all forth. Well, I will walk myself  
To County Paris, to prepare him up  
Against to-morrow: my heart is wondrous light,  
Since this same wayward girl is so reclaim'd.  
  
(The curtain falls back down, but stops halfway because once again that same person is sleeping in the rigging. Using a high-powered rifle, the person is once again dislocated and the curtain closes without another hitch. Vorador slaps Melchiah hard on the back, making the vampire lose his wig.)  
  
Melchiah: Wahhhhhhh!!!! Now I'm bald!!! (Runs off blubbering)  
  
Umah: That was mean, Vorador.  
  
Vorador: What? What did I do that was so wrong?  
  
Raziel: (Calling from the watercooloer) Being yourself, Mr. Grinch!  
  
Vorador: Alright, that does it! I can't help it if my skin is green and Dr. Seuss took the Grinch from me. I would sue him if he wasn't already dead. Make-up, I need make-up! (Looks at the make-up lady) Hello, would you like to be my 16th wife? (Winks)  
  
Anamae: I wish the Sarafan Lord would drop a boulder on me... 


	26. Act 4, Scene III

Ariel: (To Umah) So this is where Juliet receives the 'poison' and drinks it, falling into a slumber until Kain – I mean Romeo comes for her!!!  
  
Umah: Un-huh. I heard Kain in there, Ariel.  
  
Ariel: (Blushing) Oh shut up!  
  
(Rahab walks by at that moment, looks at Ariel, and bursts into tears.)  
  
Rahab: (Wailing) I'm sorrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ariel: Rahab, get a hold of yourself. If you cannot act like this for even opening night, then how shall you get through the rest of the play?  
  
Rahab: (Still crying) The understudy will do it!!!!!! WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  
  
(One of the many people involved with keeping Rahab under control and out of the way of everyone else comes by, knocks the vampire over the head, and then drags him down one of the many halls and out of the way of everyone. Zephon, who has finally healed completely, whose voice is still as screechy as ever but he is taking pills for it, is chatting things up with Melchiah. The younger vamp has finally calmed down from crying, which he has been doing a lot of lately, and is sipping some Blood Lite. Both are playing in the next scene, but they look very disgrundled for women, the straps hanging off the shoulders and heels kicked off.)  
  
Zephon: I really think that I could make this drag dressing a real hobby. I have never felt as comfortable as this wearing leggings.   
  
Melchiah: I do not think you should be telling me this, Zephon. I don't want to know your little hobbies on the side...  
  
Zephon: hey, I say you stealing some of the brassiers when you thought no one was looking.  
  
Melchiah: And you were helping yourself to some skirt hoops at the same time.  
  
Zephon: (Silence)  
  
Melchiah: (Silence)  
  
Zephon: We speak of this to no one, understand?  
  
Melchiah: Agreed. We have reputations to protect.  
  
Anamae: (Walking in on them) Are you guys ready for the next sequence?  
  
Melchiah: Yeah.  
  
Anamae: Then hurry up.  
  
(Outside in the audience, who are being entertained by the Seraphim and Dione doing a juggling routine, Magnus suddenly came in. How he got a seat no one exactly knew, but would you believe it, he was actually sane! The reason he was so mellow was because the Eternal Prison guards had shot him full of horse tranquillizers, and as Magnus took a seat in the back, next to the Elder God, even the one-eyed deity moved away. Backstage Anamae had gathered Ariel, Zephon and Melchiah together. Now everything was going smoothly: the background of Juliet's chamber was being set up, the lights were in place, the body had been removed from the rigging – but then disaster struck as always.)  
  
Ariel: We didn't memorize this part of the play.  
  
Anamae: (Faints again. . .the 452 time to be exact)  
  
Melchiah: Not a good thing. What are we going to do?  
  
Zephon: Curtains in 50 seconds!!!!Ariel: Quickly! Read this part of the play!   
  
(The three whip out the script and quickly read act 4, scene 3.)  
  
Zephon: Got it.  
  
Melchiah: Got it.  
  
Ariel: Got it!  
  
(With one of Vorador's brides moving Anamae out of the way, the play could commence. Raziel called the cue to the curtain puller, who pulled aside the curtains easily enough with no body in the rigging. The lights came on, with Melchiah, Ariel and Zephon in the middle of the stage. Then Zephon noticed it.)  
  
Zephon: (Whispering) Melchiah, get off the stage. You don't come in just yet.  
  
Melchiah: What? Sorry!!! (Runs off-stage)  
  
(Now it takes time and dedication to commit Shakespearian words to memory. This scene, unfortunatly, will only have the hypenated version. And so Ariel begins, condensing ten lines into one scentence.)  
  
Ariel: Nurse, I need to be left alone tonight to collect my thoughts for tomorrow.  
  
(Both of them wait for a moment. It soon turns into 3 minutes. Ariel and Zephon look off into the wings where Melchiah was suppose to make his entrance; the vampire was talking to Turel.)  
  
Zephon: (Hissing through clentched teeth) Melchiah!  
  
Melchiah: What?  
  
Ariel: Get on here!  
  
Melchiah: Sorry!!! (Comes skiddering onto the stage, nearly slipping. Laughter is heard from the audience) Juliet, do you need a mother's help?  
  
Ariel: No mother dearest, I need no help. Please let me sleep, and you and the nurse can fill out the minor details. I am so strained and I need strength for tomorrow.  
  
Melchiah: Well then, good night my dear. You need the rest for tomorrow's wedding, where upon I expect to have my first grandchild in 9 months, and not any time later!  
  
Ariel: Melchiah, that is not part of the story! It's not even in the lines.  
  
Melchiah: (Defensivly) It's improv.  
  
Zephon: Improv this! (Kicks Melchiah off the stage, the gets off himself)  
  
(Backstage)  
  
Kain: I don't think they're following the lines.  
  
Raziel: (Sarcastically) What gave you that idea?  
  
Kain: Is that a tone in your voice?  
  
Raziel: (Sweatdrop) No sir!  
  
Kain: Good. (Turns back to Ariel) They didn't practice this scene at all.  
  
Dumah: It's going down the drain, just like Zephon's soup that he tried to make us all eat once but we couldn't.  
  
(Onstage)  
  
Ariel: (Floats over to the bed and sits down) Goodbye mother, for I don't think we shall meet again. I wish that the nurse were here to help me with this, but I must act alone and of my own accord if this plan is to work. (Looks at the vial) What if it doesn't work? What happens if I just get indigestion and have to be married no matter what? I don't want to marry Malek – I mean Paris. (Begins to reflect) And come tomorrow, Romeo shall find me laid out beside my dead cousin Tybalt, who is dead yet still green, but who might be smelling soon no matter what.  
  
Dumah: (Backstage) I don't smell!!!!!!!  
  
(Audience looks around at each other. Is this some sort of interactive part of the play they never heard of?)  
  
Ariel: I only hope that the potion works, and that Kain – I mean ROMEO!!! Will come to me, and together we shall fly from this place, and make a new lives for ourselves in a distant land with prime real estate.  
  
Nupraptor: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ariel: (Raises the vial) To you Romeo, beloved, I drink.  
  
(And Ariel drank the vial. . .collapsed on the bed as if dead. . .and end of scene. As the curtains fell back down, the ghost rolled off the bed and began to gag and cough.)  
  
Ariel: Dear god, what the hell was that stuff made of?!  
  
Anamae: (Just gotten up from fainting; looks at the label) Toenail polish.  
  
Ariel: Ewwwwww.  
  
Umah: And I still heard you Ariel. (Winking knowingly)  
  
Ariel: Oh shut up.  
  
Anamae: (Looks at everyone else) Do you all know your lines? (Eveyone nods) Good, I hope so. Better be. . . 


	27. Act 4, Scene IV and V

Kain: (whining) When do I get to go on again? I haven't been on in a while and the people might start to forget me?  
  
Raziel: Dad, no one can forget you. Well perhaps because my hordes of fangirls are almost the same size as yours so perhaps.....(Kain gives him a dangerous look)...nothing!  
  
(Vorador, who is now dressed in Capulet's clothing – and Janos is still knocked out – comes up to Anamae who is drinking a whole pot of Colombian coffee mixed in with some of Dumah's beer)  
  
Vorador: Suggestion, my dear.  
  
Anamae: (jittery) Yesssssssss?  
  
Vorador: We could put scenes 4 and 5 together?  
  
Anamae: (downs a mouthful) Do you remember what happened last time?  
  
Vorador: Yes. A fairie careened through the place, Kain was found upside down with his underwear hanging on by a thread, Dumah nearly attacked Raziel and the special effects as I recall were rather good.  
  
Anamae: ... Screw it, I just want the night to be over with either way. (Finishes the coffee and hands the pot to Turel) Here, a present for you. (Walks off)  
  
Turel: Hmm, a coffee pot. Devious and evil plots are swirling in my mind now....(walks off to fulfill the evil things that one can do with a coffee pot)  
  
(Anamae overturns a trunk that contains inside of it the lost treasure of the Ancients, then stands up on it. Raising her hands to her lips, she begins to shout out orders)  
  
Anamae: Because this is already flooging the dead horse over numerous times, and because the night is going on and on and on, and because the body coutn is rising and the fire in the upper levels hasn't been put out and might be the death of us all, we're gonna put scenes 4 and 5 together again to finish off the 4th act all that much faster.  
  
(Everyone begins to groan)  
  
Dumah: You remember what happened last time!  
  
Anamae: You're not even technically alive anymore! You get no vote.  
  
Dumah: Still....  
  
Anamae: I'll need Melchiah, Zephon, Vorador, a servant or 4, Rahab, Malek, a musician and 2 more and some guy called Peter to play these roles.  
  
Some guy called Peter: I'll play that part!  
  
Anamae: Okay good! Now for musicians! (looks around) ...who ate them?  
  
(Umah raises a hand and smiles sheepishly)  
  
Umah: I couldn't help it. I was hungry and they were there and they were playing such fine music that –  
  
Anamae: We need to find new musicians!   
  
(She jumps off the trunk and exits the stage, jumps down into the audience and looks around. Finding her targets she walked up to them and gave a huge grin)  
  
Anamae: Sebastian, Marcus, Faustus!  
  
Marcus: What?  
  
Sebastian: Why are you grinning like that?  
  
Faustus: Why do I have the sudden urge to flee?  
  
Anamae: You guys use to play in a band, right?  
  
(13 minutes and one dead usher later)  
  
Sebastian: I refuse to go out dressed as a 14th century musician! I demand to speak to the Vampires Rights Guild.  
  
Faustus: (looking at his hat) Why do these stupid hats have feathers in them?  
  
Marcus: I hate wearing these tights.  
  
Umah: In you're other outfit you wore tights. What's the differance?  
  
Marcus: They weren't striped tights!  
  
(At that moment Kain walks by and sees the 'musicians'. He gives something of a scream, then starts laughing as he sees them in the puffy shirts, the colourful vests and the tight tights)  
  
Kain: (laughing) You all look like the idiots that you are.  
  
Sebastian: I'm going to brain you! (raises the lute over his head)  
  
(Kain gave a yelp and raced behind Aname, who unfortunatly received the full force of Sebastian's smashing of the lute. She stood there for a few moments, swaying from side to side, then looked at Umah and said)  
  
Anamae: Start the show. (falls to the ground, out cold ... again)  
  
***  
  
(The curtain rises to reveal a hall in the Capulet mansion. This hall is special than all the other ones because it is not put into the stylings of the 14th century. Made by the Nosgoth schoolchildren of the daycare center next door, it has vampires, humans, hylden, Seraphim and werewolves killing the bunny all drawn along the walls or made with colourful paint. The other hall that the director had planned to use never arrived because it had never been cut out from the Sanctuary of the Clans itself. But all the same it still looks nice. Zephon and Melchiah walk out onto the stage, the younger of the brothers fanning himself and looking very pompous because Turel had just given him an evil coffee pot that he would later smash over Zephon's head)  
  
Melchiah: (hands Zephon some keys) Hold, take these keys, and fetch more spices, nurse.  
  
Zephon: (mutters) Why do I have to take the keys? They call for dates and quinces in the pastry, milady.  
  
(A soundtrack is quickly played: sounds from a kitchen can be heard in the background with a french chef singing about killing a crab and stuffing him with bread. Then Vorador breezes in, looking somehow very dashing no matter what. He knows he can play the part of Capulet well enough, and cannot wait to show everyone else what he thinks of himself)  
  
Vorador: (coming from the kitchen) Come, stir, stir, stir! the second cock hath crow'd,  
The curfew-bell hath rung, 'tis three o'clock:  
Look to the baked meats, good Angelica:  
Spare not for the cost.  
  
(In the audience)  
  
Nupraptor: Wait a minute! What happened to Janos?  
  
Mortanius: Don't you remember? Because of the mob he was knocked out and Vorador had to play the part!  
  
Moebius: He thinks he so big just because he has a couple of wives and I don't and that he has a mansion and I don't and that he's better-looking than me and I'm not! (everyone looks at him) What?  
  
(Back onstage)  
  
Zephon: (still muttering curses to himself) Go, you cot-quean, go,  
Get you to bed; faith, You'll be sick to-morrow  
For this night's watching.  
  
Vorador: (flashing his teeth) No, not a whit: what! I have watch'd ere now  
All night for lesser cause, and ne'er been sick. I'm one of the few healthy undead!  
  
Zephon: (muttering) Screw you and Melchiah both, I want out of here now. This scene doesn't make any sense; why bother the viewer with something this stupid?  
  
Melchiah: Ay, you have been a mouse-hunt in your time;  
But I will watch you from such watching now.  
  
(Still fanning himself, Melchiah grabbed Zephon by the ear and literally dragged him off the stage. Oh yeah, that coffee pot would be put to good use!)  
  
Vorador: (looking out at the crowd and staring daggers at Moebius) A jealous hood, a jealous hood! (three servants come in carrying spits and pieces of wood) Now, fellow,  
What's there?  
  
First servant: I dunno.  
  
Second servant: Cook ordered it.  
  
Third servant: Gonna cook that human good tonight!  
  
Vorador: (looking at the stupid servants) I will kill you all later when I have the chance. Make haste, make haste. (first servant leaves) Sirrah, fetch drier logs:  
Call Peter, he will show thee where they are.  
  
Second servant: I have a head, sir, that will find out logs,  
And never trouble Peter for the matter.  
  
(Leaves)  
  
Vorador: Mass, and well said; a merry whoreson, ha!  
Thou shalt be logger-head. Good faith, 'tis day:  
The county will be here with music straight,  
For so he said he would: I hear him near.  
Some guy called Peter: My mother was not a street walker you idiot!  
  
(Music begins to play, once again from the recording. Sebastian, Faustus and Marcus are still bickering about which piece to play)  
  
Vorador: Nurse! Wife! What, ho! What, nurse, I say!  
  
(Zephon comes back in, a coffee pot over his head. Vorador steps back for a few moments, shocked to say the least. How the hell – and with the crowd wondering – did the lieutenant get a pot on his head)  
  
Zephon: Don't … ask!  
  
Vorador: Go waken Juliet, go and trim her up;  
I'll go and chat with Paris: hie, make haste,  
Make haste; the bridegroom he is come already:  
Make haste, I say.  
  
(Quickly, with the help of special effects, the scene changes to Juliet's bedchamber. Zephon kicks down the door, still with said coffee pot on his head ~ how can he breath? ~ and stomps over to the bed with a still form lying underneath the sheets)  
  
Zephon: (voice horribly muffled by the pot) Mistress! what, mistress! Juliet! fast, I warrant her, she:  
Why, lamb! why, lady! fie, you slug-a-bed!  
Why, love, I say! madam! sweet-heart! why, bride!  
What, not a word? you take your pennyworths now;  
Sleep for a week; for the next night, I warrant,  
The County Paris hath set up his rest,  
That you shall rest but little. God forgive me,  
Marry, and amen, how sound is she asleep!  
I must needs wake her. Madam, madam, madam!  
Ay, let the county take you in your bed;  
He'll fright you up, i' faith. Will it not be? (measured silence) Get the hell out of the bed!!!  
  
(He yanks back the sheets dramatically, showing the 'dead' body of Ariel, who has her face set in a dramatic death-like face: tongue hanging out of her mouth, one hand clutching her chest, the other spread wide, her one eye rolled into the back of her head)  
  
Zephon: I bet I'll get blamed for this. (starts screaming) Help, help, help! (screams some more; really authentic and no one can decide wether it's because of the dress and how it is too tight or because Zephon never actually hit puberty)  
  
(Melchiah rushes into the room, but unfortunatly went a little too fast and his shoe caught on the rug. He goes sailing over Zephon and lands on the bed, right on top of Ariel. Having a heavy person on top of you is no fun and with Ariel holding her breath, the job just got harder)  
  
Melchiah: (grabbing Ariel by the shoulders and shaking her) O me, O me! My child, my only life,  
Revive, look up, or I will die with thee!  
Help, help! Call help.  
  
(Then Vorador rushes into the room and hits the rug as well. So he goes sailing onto the bed, and crashes onto Melchiah, who once again crushes Ariel)  
  
Zephon: She's dead, she's dead!  
  
Ariel: (whsipering) I will be dead again if everyone keeps falling onto me!  
  
Vorador: Ha! let me see her: out, alas! she's cold:  
Her blood is settled, and her joints are stiff;  
Life and these lips have long been separated:  
Death lies on her like an untimely frost  
Upon the sweetest flower of all the field.  
  
(While Vorador and Melchiah are both wailing on and on about how Juliet has died, Rahab, Malek, Sebastian, Faustus and Marcus all enter the room too)  
  
Faustus: I. Hate. This.  
  
Marcus: Shut up.  
  
Sebastian: Should we get on the bed too?  
  
Marcus: Might as well.  
  
(And so the five jumped up onto the bed too, which was beginning to creak under the strain of it all. Rahab stood up and began to speak his lines while Faustus took a pillow and began hitting Vorador over the head with it just because there was nothing else to do)  
  
Rahab: Come, is the bride ready to go to church?  
  
Vorador: (yanking the pillow from Faustus and punching him in the face) Ready to go, but never to return.  
O son! the night before thy wedding-day  
Hath Death lain with thy wife. There she lies,  
Flower as she was, deflowered by him.  
Death is my son-in-law, Death is my heir;  
My daughter he hath wedded: I will die,  
And leave him all; life, living, all is Death's.  
  
Malek: (dangling from the canopy) Have I thought long to see this morning's face,  
And doth it give me such a sight as this?  
  
Melchiah: Accursed, unhappy, wretched, hateful day!  
Most miserable hour that e'er time saw  
In lasting labour of his pilgrimage!  
But one, poor one, one poor and loving child,  
But one thing to rejoice and solace in,  
And cruel death hath catch'd it from my sight!  
  
(The bed begins to creak and groan and everyone can plainly see that the floor underneath is beginning to bow beneath them)  
  
Malek: Beguiled, divorced, wronged, spited, slain!  
Most detestable death, by thee beguil'd,  
By cruel cruel thee quite overthrown!  
O love! O life! not life, but love in death!  
  
Vorador: (hugging Malek and sobbing) Despised, distressed, hated, martyr'd, kill'd!  
Uncomfortable time, why camest thou now  
To murder, murder our solemnity?  
O child! O child! my soul, and not my child!  
Dead art thou! Alack! my child is dead;  
And with my child my joys are buried.  
  
(Both then realize that they're actually hugging, look disgusted and throw each other away from...well each other)  
  
Rahab: (bouncing up and down on the bed) Peace, ho, for shame! confusion's cure lives not  
In these confusions. Heaven and yourself  
Had part in this fair maid; now heaven hath all,  
And all the better is it for the maid:  
Your part in her you could not keep from death,  
But heaven keeps his part in eternal life.  
The most you sought was her promotion;  
For 'twas your heaven she should be advanced:  
And weep ye now, seeing she is advanced  
Above the clouds, as high as heaven itself?  
O, in this love, you love your child so ill,  
That you run mad, seeing that she is well:  
She's not well married that lives married long;  
But she's best married that dies married young.  
Dry up your tears, and stick your rosemary...  
  
(The bed begins to creak even more, and drop ever lower. The wooden floor groans and some cracks are beginning to appear)  
  
Sebastian: Shut up already!  
  
Vorador: Shut up! I have my lines to go through still! All things that we ordained festival,  
Turn from their office to black funeral;  
Our instruments to melancholy bells,  
Our wedding cheer to a sad burial feast,  
Our solemn hymns to sullen dirges change,  
Our bridal flowers serve for a buried corse,  
And all things change them to the contrary.  
  
Rahab: Sir, go you in; and, madam, go with him;  
And go, Sir Paris; every one prepare  
To follow this fair corse unto her grave:  
The heavens do lour upon you for some ill;  
Move them no more by crossing their high will.  
  
(So Vorador, Malek, Melchiah and Rahab jump off the bed, leaving Ariel, who is now looking less dignified dead and more ... more ... whatever! They all leave the scene and the bed and the floor, which had been about to go under, stopped. Marcus, Faustus and Sebastian, who only had read their lines 4 minutes in advance, look around for assistance)  
  
Faustus: so do we play or something?  
  
Zephon: I don't know!  
  
Marcus: Seems inappropriate.  
  
(Suddenly the Some guy called Peter walks in)  
  
Peter: Musicians, O, musicians, 'Heart's ease, Heart's  
ease:' O, an you will have me live, play 'Heart's ease.'  
  
Sebastian: why that song? I'm not singing; I played the electric guitar.  
  
Faustus: I don't sing either. And we don't take requests!  
  
Some guy called Peter: O, musicians, because my heart itself plays 'My  
heart is full of woe:' O, play me some merry dump,  
to comfort me.  
  
Marcus: If you don't stop whining, we are going to dump on you!  
  
Some guy called Peter: So you won't play.  
  
Sebastian: (flatly) No.  
  
Some guy called Peter: Not even one little ditty?  
  
Faustus: Go away.  
  
Marcus: Maybe we should get off the bed. We're arguing over music with a young, dead girl on the bed. This is kind of twisted.  
  
Some guy called Peter: If I pay you, will you play for me?  
  
Faustus: Look, we don't so requests. We don't play for money. We use to make music because we enjoyed it but thanks to companies killing our musical potential, we don't want to sing, play, dance or do any other crap like that anymore!  
  
Sebastian: Is this scene over yet?  
  
Marcus: Who cares, let's kill him!  
  
(And as the three vampires jump-attacked Some guy called Peter, the curtain fell and the 4th Act had finally concluded. As everyone filed out for refreshments and going to the washroom – dear god, who doesn't have to go? – the Elder God agreed with the Sarafan Lord that this act was one of the more weirder ones. Some guy called Peter was drained of his blood and the vampire trio, sated at last, went back to their seats, vowing revenge on Anamae)  
  
Suzu: No you guys won't!  
  
Faustus: How did you know what we were planning?  
  
Suzu: Narration, of course!  
  
Marcus: Must. Kill. Narrator. 


	28. The Final Intermission

It was the final intermission. And now for an update of what is exactly happening at the Nosgoth Theatre House.

- People want to kill Janos

- People want to kill Kain

- People want to kill Moebius/Nupraptor/other Guardians

- People want to kill Anamae

- Rahab is a mess because he's going to end the love story

- Dumah is pissed off because his grand finale was less than grand as he was cut up

- A lot of other things happened

- The Elder God and Sarafan Lord that this whole play is downright weird

- Zephon is thinking about buying himself some skirts

And yes, the most important factor:

- The closet that Anamae lit up with a torch to clean it out because of Kain and Ariel is still burning

****UPDATE**** Sorry, the fire is now out of control, seeping out from under the closet and into the halls of the second floor.

Sarafan Lord: (Sitting in his seat) Jeeves, I want my food. (No answer) Jeeves? Jeeves?!

(The butler comes in from the hallway, smoke pouring from the door)

Jeeves the Butler: Sire, the floor is on fire! The floor is on fire!

Sarafan Lord: Shut up and get me a filet mingon. I'm hungry!

Jeeves the Butler: But that means I have to go out into the hall, and it's on fire sire!!!!

Sarafan Lord: And I should be concerned...why?!

Jeeves the Butler: Because I am your servant and I won't be much good dead.

Sarafan Lord: But there are millions more like you out there...

Jeeves the Butler: (Holds up his left arm which is aflame) Sire, could you throw some water on me?

Sarafan Lord: (Still musing) And they're not as long-winded as you are...

Jeeves the Butler: I'm being burned, sire, very badly.

Sarafan Lord: I think I would prefer a maid next time round...

Jeeves the Butler: Could you call an ambulance? I think I'm getting third degree burns...

Sarafan Lord: Why do all humans whine so much? From babies until the grave, all your kind does is complain and – Jeeves, did you realize that you're on fire?

(Jeeves is now running around wildly, the rest of his butler's suit flaming up around him. The Sarafan Lord watches this display for a few minutes, nodding to himself on just how stupid humans could be, or most of them. Jeeves gives one last scream as he goes up as a human torch, hits the railing and flies off the balcony and into the seats below)

Suzu: (Shouts up) Hey, stop tossing your junk down here! (Throws Jeeves body back up)

Sarafan Lord: I will toss it where I feel like it. (Throws the remains in Jeeves onto the stage)

(At that moment Melchiah walked out, saw the body and his eyes lit up. He dragged the once-living body of Jeeves off the stage, happy in the fact that now he could make a nice pair of boots to go with the gloves from the skin of the actor formerly known as Benvolio. Then the Sarafan Lord noticed that the fire, as Jeeves had said, was very close indeed)

Sarafan Lord: (Waves his arms around) Back flames, back! 

(The flames didn't listen and the little disco inferno demons inside began to dance even more, turning up the heat. The chairs began to melt – and even the Sarafan Lord's throne – as well as his snack cart. Then a small fire demon jumped onto the Hylden's cloak, setting it on fire too)

Fire demon: All in a day's work!

(So the Sarafan Lord began screaming as he tried to take of his cape while running back and forth while the smoke spilled into the balcony seats. Of course, everyone was out getting their snacks and did not see the flames. As for the people backstage, there was a curtain in the way, so they saw nothing at all)

Anamae: Vorador, are you sure you'll be able to play Montague and Capulet together? Not that I'm doubting your talents, but the lines and the changing of the clothes...

Vorador: I can handle it. Janos will be out for the rest of the night (points to Janos who is propped up beside the director) so I must finish his role. It would be the way he wanted things.

Anamae: I see. (Turns to Kain and Ariel) You guys ready?

Ariel: To play dead? I don't need to, I'm already dead if you hadn't noticed!

Anamae: Yeesh, fine, fine!

Kain: So I just kill myself with the dagger, right? And it's collapsible, the prop? Knowing the first director and how she said she wanted everything real, I want to check it out to make sure. (Goes off)

Anamae: All right, Rahab how're you keeping up?

Rahab: (Staring off into space)

Anamae: (Grins) You'll do well.

Sarafan Lord: (On the balcony) FIRE~!

Anamae: Yes, someone really does agree with me that this play with be a fire! A success! Something that everyone will enjoy.

Sarafan Lord: (Voice carrying) Call the fire department!

Anamae: (Grinning at Vorador) I don't think we need to do that. After all, the play's not literally on fire. (Sees Melchiah dragging a roasted body behind him) Where did that come from?

(In the lobby)

Sebastian: I want blood.

Rabbit: (sniff sniff)

Sebastian: Do you understand you little bunny, you bringer of allergies and dust bunnies, one who procreates faster than we can actually eat you? I want blood! First I am part of a play that I despise and now I am talking to a rabbit as if it really knows what I am saying.

Rabbit: (Offers a carrot instead of blood)

Marcus: Why is there a rabbit manning the food booth?

Faustus: I think it's because the young king and that black demon decides to call it quits and go fishing instead. (Rabbit hands Faustus a paper) Yeah, it's a note.

Marcus: Well, read it then.

Faustus: Fine, just let me give the notice to everyone as well. (The rabbit gives Faustus the stool he was sitting on, and then the little cotton tail hops off happily) Excuse me, everyone!

(All the people who were waiting for food – a lot more than last time – all stop their babbling and look in the gypsy vampire's direction)

Someone related to the Guy Called Peter: Hey, it's Faustus and it looks like he's about to say something important!

Faustus: Yes, I am. The people who have manned the booth have left a note so if you'll all shut up then I will read it.

Elder God: Hurry up!

Dejoule: I need my tic tacs!

Faustus: _'I and Hash'ak'git have gone off fishing and have left the booth in the care of Cottontail, the little rabbit. Please pay him the money and take your refreshments. Signed, William the Just.'_

Marcus: (Evil grin) But Cottontail went away-

Sebastian: And we don't need to pay-

Bane: We can take what we want-

Moebius: And get away with it!

Everyone in the lobby: **FREE FOR ALL!!!!!!!!!**

(Everyone stampeded forwards, crushing those who didn't get out of the way in time. Faustus went down under the sea of feet, as well as Moebius, a few Sarafan, one or three vampires from the Razielim clan, and more than enough Seraphim were trampled as well.)

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

(When the smoke cleared, all that was left of the stand was a pile of broken wood, empty boxes, discarded pieces of candy wrappers, the slushy machine was jammed with someone in it, and to top things off someone had stolen all the money in the money box.)

Moebius: So does this mean we don't get any food?

Faustus: _I HATE SHAKESPEARE AND I HATE THIS THEATRE AND I HOPE IT BURNS TO THE GROUND!_

Razielim vampire: Let's go back to your seats.

(And as they all wandered back to their spots to see the final act of "Romeo and Juliet" no one saw the smoke drift down from the second floor and fill up the large lobby...)

(Backstage)

Anamae: (Looks at the entire surviving cast of opening night) Okay, this is the final act. We need to go out there and do better than all the other previous acts. We have all had our differences, but we managed to pull through despite some difficulties. Now before the curtain rolls back for the final time, I would like to lead everyone in a small prayer.

Kain: Why?

Anamae: Because we need a prayer. Come on, everyone get down on one knee, or in Ariel's case just float.

(Everyone gets down on one knee, some trying to look solemn while others, namely Turel, is not trying to laugh at the cheesiness of it all)

Anamae: Oh God of Theatre, hallowed be thy Theatreish name (gets a few looks from the cast) please let this last scene go off well, and quickly, without any farce to it. Please let it be over with painlessly. May the words fly swiftly, the actors steps be true, Rahab to come out of his comatose state and accept the fact he is a killer (Rahab begins to cry again) and let the audience leave without any more loss of life tonight.

Vorador: Is it over?

Umah: I think so. (Shrugs)

Anamae: It is. PLAY BALL! Act 5, scene 1 here we come. Opening in the street called Mantua!!!!!


	29. Act 5, Scene I

(As the audience settles down for the shortest Act in the whole play, they either don't notice or care that the upper balcony is on fire, or that the Sarafan Lord is running around screaming and calling for 911. Even stranger, no one hears his screams. And stranger yet, the people onstage don't even see him as he's running around like a loon, so it goes to show that in Nosgoth you really have to do something big to grab attention and lighting yourself on fire isn't one of them)

(The scene opens up to a simple street in Mantua, the town in which Romeo had been banished to)

Kain: (Walks in from the left wing) If I may trust the flattering truth of sleep,  
My dreams presage some joyful news at hand:  
My bosom's lord sits lightly in his throne;  
And all this day an unaccustom'd spirit  
Lifts me above the ground with cheerful thoughts.  
I dreamt my lady came and found me dead--  
Strange dream, that gives a dead man leave  
to think!--  
And breathed such life with kisses in my lips,  
That I revived, and was an emperor.  
Ah me! how sweet is love itself possess'd,  
When but love's shadows are so rich in joy!

(Out comes the actor known as Balthasar, who is another human who hopefully hopes that he won't die like the 3 Benvolio's have)

Kain: News from Verona!--How now, Balthasar!  
Dost thou not bring me letters from the friar?  
How doth my lady? Is my father well?  
How fares my Juliet? that I ask again;  
For nothing can be ill, if she be well.

Balthasar: Then she is well, and nothing can be ill:  
Her body sleeps in Capel's monument,  
And her immortal part with angels lives.  
I saw her laid low in her kindred's vault,  
And presently took post to tell it you:  
O, pardon me for bringing these ill news,  
Since you did leave it for my office, sir.

Kain: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! (Rips open his shirt)

Anamae: (Rushes onstage) Not part of the script! Damn you Kain, Romeo doesn't act like that!

(Crickets chirp as the director in charge realize that this was an even bigger flaw in the play, her rushing out. Grinning sheepishly and waving at the audience, Anamae backed out to the wings slowly and carefully, Kain watching her the whole time with a look of 'And you say I can't stick to the script')

Kain: (Pretending to sob) Is it even so? then I defy you, stars!  
Thou know'st my lodging: get me ink and paper,  
And hire post-horses; I will hence to-night.

Balthasar: I do beseech you, sir, have patience:  
Your looks are pale and wild, and do import  
Some misadventure.

Kain: Tush, thou art deceived:  
Leave me, and do the thing I bid thee do.  
Hast thou no letters to me from the friar?

Balthasar: (Shakes his head) No.

Rahab: (Offstage) That's because the poisoner stopped them before they could arrive!

Kain: Oh shut up Rahab! (Turns back to Balthasar) No matter: get thee gone,  
And hire those horses; I'll be with thee straight

(Balthasar leaves, thinking to look up at the balcony to see if anyone is up there, then decides not to. The balcony seats are closed off anyway, so no one would be up there. The Sarafan Lord has now stopped screaming and tried to take out a fire extinguisher to put himself out)

Sarafan Lord: (Presses the nozzle and nothing happens) Expiration date 12/3/92? Why the hell does this happen to me?! My skin is burning!!!! (Runs out into the smoke filled hall and takes his chances there)

(And the flames are now moving up and along the wiring that is lighting up the stage and creeping ever so slowly towards the curtains)

(Back onstage where more important things are happening)

Kain: Well, Juliet, I will lie with thee to-night.  
Let's see for means: O mischief, thou art swift  
To enter in the thoughts of desperate men!  
I do remember an apothecary,--  
And hereabouts he dwells,--which late I noted  
In tatter'd weeds, with overwhelming brows,  
Culling of simples; meagre were his looks,  
Sharp misery had worn him to the bones:  
And in his needy shop a tortoise hung,  
An alligator stuff'd, and other skins  
Of ill-shaped fishes; and about his shelves  
A beggarly account of empty boxes,  
Green earthen pots, bladders and musty seeds,  
Remnants of packthread and old cakes of roses,  
Were thinly scatter'd, to make up a show.  
Noting this penury, to myself I said  
'An if a man did need a poison now,  
Whose sale is present death in Mantua,  
Here lives a caitiff wretch would sell it him.'  
O, this same thought did but forerun my need;  
And this same needy man must sell it me.  
As I remember, this should be the house.  
Being holiday, the beggar's shop is shut.  
What, ho! apothecary!

(Rahab's cue comes and he is shoved out onstage by Turel. A spotlight fixes on him, following his every move. Dressed now in black and sinister clothing, Rahab does not look like the simple priest anymore)

Moebius: Isn't he the poisoner?

Bane: Yes.

Dejoule: At least he kills someone!

(4 rows back and now 9 seats over to the left)

Faustus: Does this mean the play is nearly done?

Marcus: (Eating popcorn) Yes.

Suzu: Does anyone feel a little hot?

Sebastian: Is that suppose to be an innuendo of some sort?

Suzu: No, I have the feeling that something is on fire...

Faustus: Who cares.

(Back to Rahab and Kain)

Rahab: (Looks depressed) Who calls so loud?

Kain: Come hither, man. I see that thou art poor:  
Hold, there is forty ducats: let me have  
A dram of poison, such soon-speeding gear  
As will disperse itself through all the veins  
That the life-weary taker may fall dead  
And that the trunk may be discharged of breath  
As violently as hasty powder fired  
Doth hurry from the fatal cannon's womb.

Rahab: Why do you want to do that? Don't you know that it's all wrong to kill yourself? Haven't you read the script? I know this play is suppose to be a tragedy, but I can't sell you the poison!

Kain: Art thou so bare and full of wretchedness,  
And fear'st to die? famine is in thy cheeks,  
Need and oppression starveth in thine eyes,  
Contempt and beggary hangs upon thy back;  
The world is not thy friend nor the world's law;  
The world affords no law to make thee rich;  
Then be not poor, but break it, and take this.

In other words, gimme the damn drugs, you stupid poisoner!

Rahab: My poverty, but not my will, consents. (Takes the money that is given to him and hands Kain the poison)

Kain: I pay thy poverty, and not thy will.

Rahab: (Sighs theatrically) Put this in any liquid thing you will,  
And drink it off; and, if you had the strength  
Of twenty men, it would dispatch you straight.

Kain: There is thy gold, worse poison to men's souls,  
Doing more murders in this loathsome world,  
Than these poor compounds that thou mayst not sell.  
I sell thee poison; thou hast sold me none.  
Farewell: buy food, and get thyself in flesh.  
Come, cordial and not poison, go with me  
To Juliet's grave; for there must I use thee.

Rahab: Oh, are you saying that I'm thin and malnourished? I could poison you for saying such things. Hey, where are you going? (Yells as Kain walks off) Come back here and let me talk some more! I am the mighty poisoner, all will fear me!!!!!!

(Rahab, now finally getting into the role a bit too late, begins to rant on the stage. Turel comes out quickly, the noble Prince riding by on his white horse, grabs Rahab by the hood of his costume and drags him off, all the while the theme from _The Lone Ranger_ playing)

Bishop of Meridian: What was that?

Sarafan: Who can tell anymore?

(Suddenly the whole stage seems to shift shape and form, becoming the inside of a mausoleum instead. The audience nods and gives a round of applause for the sudden special effects and is ready to see what else will happen. Backstage, Malek hands over a small bag filled with money to Anacrothe, the Guardian of States, whom without him the scene shift would have not been possible)

(Now in a depressing mausoleum, torchlight...or is that the light from the encroaching fire...fills the stage and with the coffins and all, it looks very, very depressing. Rahab, now once again the simple friar, comes onstage again. Some people boo at him, but this doesn't affect Rahab. Why? Because he got a shot of 'happy juice' inside of him which now makes him able to concentrate on the story and his lines and not on the people or his emotions. Another actor, called Friar John – who really was a priest in real life – came out from the opposite side of the stage)

Friar John: Holy Franciscan friar! brother, ho!

Rahab: This same should be the voice of Friar John.  
Welcome from Mantua: what says Romeo?  
Or, if his mind be writ, give me his letter.

Friar John: Going to find a bare-foot brother out  
One of our order, to associate me,  
Here in this city visiting the sick,  
And finding him, the searchers of the town,  
Suspecting that we both were in a house  
Where the infectious pestilence did reign,  
Seal'd up the doors, and would not let us forth;  
So that my speed to Mantua there was stay'd.

Rahab: (Shudders slightly) Who bare my letter, then, to Romeo?

Friar John: I could not send it,--here it is again,--  
Nor get a messenger to bring it thee,  
So fearful were they of infection.

Rahab: Damn it all! Never trust the postal system to deliver something important, huh? Why does this always have to happen at the most important of times?!

Friar John: Because the story calls for it? 

Rahab: (The drug unfortunately wore off and now Rahab, pissed off with everything tonight, couldn't take it anymore) _I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

(And he did. Quite well, in fact. No one really believed Rahab capable of it. Now with gore covering the whole set, it did add something else to the whole play, and Rahab's robes, also drenched in blood, didn't give him the very sweet and innocent expression a friar was suppose to have)

(In the audience)

Elder God: I called it. I knew he would lose it. Pay up.

Sebastian: Oh shut up. (Hands the Elder God money)

Elder God: I'm glad I'm an omni-present being, able to see everything! (Pockets the money)

(Back onstage)

Rahab: (In a calm, detached voice) Now must I to the monument alone;  
Within three hours will fair Juliet wake:  
She will beshrew me much that Romeo  
Hath had no notice of these accidents;  
But I will write again to Mantua,  
And keep her at my cell till Romeo come;  
Poor living corse, closed in a dead man's tomb!

(As the curtain falls, everyone fails to notice that the fire has spread itself over the roof of the theatre house, the support beams all burning nicely and smoke beginning to fill the air. Some think that's just the special effects, and others are too thickheaded to notice. And no one bothers to look up, no because that would be too difficult to do. Except Moebius)

Moebius: People, maybe you should look up...

Nupraptor: No.

Moebius: Really, it's important that-

Mortanius: I don't really want to hear anything from you, Moebius.

Dejoule: Stop being such an attention seeker!

Moebius: (Looks up at the flames again) Okay then, I'm leaving. (Gets up) But don't say that I didn't try to warn you people.

Some Seraphim: Wait. You mean you're actually leaving?

Moebius: (Nods) Yes, I am.

Dumahim vampire: _EVERYONE, MOEBIUS IS LEAVING!_

(Celebration music is played, everyone begins to dance and champagne comes out of nowhere. To fill in the time between this scene and the next, everyone give the _'Hey Hey Goodbye'_ song to Moebius as he walks up the aisle and out of the theatre house, walking through the smoke which is getting a lot thicker than before during the last intermission)

Moebius: (Chuckling to himself) They'll be sorry, all of them. Just wait, they'll all be sorry. (Comes across the Sarafan Lord, stretched out in the hall before the doorway) Buddy, you okay?

Sarafan Lord: (Weakly) The theatre house is on fire...

Moebius: Yeah, it is, and I'm getting out of here. Bad guys have to stick together in times like these.

(Prodding the Sarafan Lord with the end of his staff, Moebius managed to make the Hylden crawl outside to safety and freedom. The two looked back to see that the left wing and most of the upper levels of the theatre house was covered in flames and watches as the fire demons gleefully skipped along and set other things on fire. And then the two bad guys got a bad idea. A really bad idea. One that was really downright low, even by villain standards. One that could make them win villain of the year award!)

Moebius: We could get rid of all the people who didn't like us or listen to us right now.

Sarafan Lord: Yes, it would be very easy...

Moebius: Lock the front door-

Sarafan Lord: Barricade it-

Moebius & the Sarafan Lord: And they're never bother us again!!!!

(And that was what they did. Dusting their hands off after putting on the heavy lock, the thick chains and then the chairs blocking the doors, the duo decided that it would be a great idea to celebrate their victory by going to the Red Raven Pub in Meridian and buying a few rounds. Now, with the last scene about to begin, it makes you wonder one more thing - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - no, actually it doesn't, not at all when you think of it)


	30. Act 5, Scene 2

(The final scene 'finally' arrived. Yes, the people in the audience do not know that have been barricaded into a theatre that will be their burning tomb, but who gives a care? None of them...well a few see the smoke but believe it to be part of the script or the special effects - everyone blames special effects always - or maybe some heavy chain-smoker in the way back who was never able to quit because the nicorete wasn't enough...but most don't give a flying monkey.)  
  
Flying monkey: *soars through a window and chatters angrily then flies away*  
  
(Disregard that.)  
  
Suzu: That smoke is getting thicker...  
  
Dumahim vampire: Smells like teen spirit - like the teen I ate before coming here! *everyone groans at the bad comedy*  
  
Sarafan: Shut up! *chucks a brick at the vampire, knocking him out*  
  
And all the people cheered.  
  
Dejoule: It does seem smoky...Bane, are you doing that narcotic again?  
  
Bane: How dare you accuse me of such a thing?! I've been off of it for over three days now. And I'm getting the jitters. *gets shaky* I need a high...I need a high...  
  
Mortanius: Bane, stop that! *thwacks him over the head* There are children here too! No one needs to see you like this. And besides, the smoke doesn't smell like the same stuff you usually have.  
  
Nupraptor: Yeah, it smells like a fire that it horribly out of control on the second level that no one bothered to put out because maybe the fire extinguisher wasn't repaired by the fire department because they're on strike.  
  
(The people near Nupraptor began to get edgy because most likely he was right. He was the Guardian of the Mind, who would be able to deal with such problems and maybe they should have listened to Moebius beforehand when he was-)  
  
Rahabim vampire: No way! We're all okay here! *turns to his friend* Pass the sunscreen. It's getting a little hot in here-  
  
Elder God: So take off all your clothes! *everyone stares at him* What? It's a song people, a song that-oh fine, and never mind. Stop looking at me like that! Stop looking at me!  
  
(Everyone boo's the really bad comedy once again, then turns back to the stage as the curtains, who seem to have a wreath of fire surrounding them, are pulled back for the final scene to begin...and the end of a long, involving, hectic, insane, messed-up, retarded, too-stupid-to-understand- the-whole-plot of this play anymore.)  
  
(Backstage)  
  
Malek: My final cue! *looks at Kain* And your death.  
  
Kain: But not by your hand! *brandishes the Soul Reaver* If you believe for a moment that you will kill me, then you have another thing coming.  
  
Vorador: Yes, indeed you do. *steps out from behind a conveniently placed crate* Because I kill you.  
  
Malek: ...guys, it's a play. I'm getting into my character here.  
  
Kain: Must you bash on every good moment that we have?  
  
Vorador: Seriously, I try and have some fun and people take it too far. Oh yeah, it's all fun and games until someone goes and looses a black heart and then its fricken hilarious!  
  
(The reason this conversation had no meaning behind it at all, or in no way adds to the plot is because the smoke fumes that the actors are inhaling are effecting their minds quite a bit. Already Dumah was feeling a little light-headed and not because there wasn't a brain there...hmm, that's stretching the truth a bit too much. Raziel was wobbling around like someone had replaced his legs with jello, and the corpses of the three Benvolio's looked like they were smouldering. Did anyone do anything about this? No, because they thought it was special effects once again playing a prank or maybe it was part of the old director's script.)  
  
Anamae: Final scene! Everyone get your butts on stage. I want this night to be over and done with right now! No foul up's or else I'll take everyone head, clean them out, plug up the eyes, ears and nose with the mouth and use them for drinking cups!  
  
Zephon: *snaps his fingers* Sounds like a good idea.  
  
Anamae: Can it, Nurse!  
  
(Meanwhile, over to Janos)  
  
(Janos was sleeping still in the pile of ropes, cords, odd bits and ends working off the concussion that had been given to him. Blearily he opened one eye, looked up, and gave a groan. It seemed like he was in hell. The Ancient could see the little Fire Demons dancing merrily away, doing their work that would certainly earn them brownie points once they got back home. And then Janos realized something monumental: The theatre house was on fire. If he didn't do something soon, then everyone would die. It was up to him to save the day!)  
  
Janos: *gets up quickly* Everyone, the theatre house is on fire and-  
  
(At the frantic run Janos was going at, he didn't see the cheap banana peel in his way. Taloned foot comes into contact with peel, Janos goes flying. Slo-mo for suspense. Hits his head against an iron girder. Knocks of a carefully imbalanced cement block. Hits Janos on head. Janos is *again* knocked out. On with the story and no one knowing that they might be minutes away from being tasty tatters or on FOX channel for the special 'When Theatre houses Attack!')  
  
Anamae: *sees a rafter burning above her head* ...that's not right. *sees the roof over the stage on fire* I should do something about this. I really should. Time to take decisive action and make a difference.  
  
(The director chucked the Shakespeare script over her shoulder, went over to the refreshment table, poured herself a cup of vodka and sipped it slowly while leaning against the table. Yes, this was a good course of action to follow.)  
  
(Now, because the special effects crew were getting the hell from everyone else, Murrey decided to call it quits right there and then. To add insult to injury, he took the final pop that was needed for the final scene. The backdrop, which would have been a wonderful picture of a graveyard people, just try and imagine the graveyard audience please, with a tomb belonging to the Capulet, was gone and all that was left was a bare wall. At least he didn't take the grave stone slab on which Ariel rested...)  
  
(Stands outside the crypt door)  
  
Malek: *walking out onstage followed by a page* Give me thy torch, boy: hence, and stand aloof: Yet put it out, for I would not be seen. Under yond yew-trees lay thee all along, Holding thine ear close to the hollow ground; So shall no foot upon the churchyard tread, Being loose, unfirm, with digging up of graves, But thou shalt hear it: whistle then to me, As signal that thou hear'st something approach. Give me those flowers. Do as I bid thee, go.  
  
Page: *to himself* I am almost afraid to stand alone Here in the churchyard; yet I will adventure. Digging up graves seems like a fun option, if my name is not Igor!  
  
(Runs off)  
  
Malek: Sweet flower, with flowers thy bridal bed I strew,-- O woe! thy canopy is dust and stones;-- Which with sweet water nightly I will dew, Or, wanting that, with tears distill'd by moans: The obsequies that I for thee will keep Nightly shall be to strew thy grave and weep  
  
(The page whistles as he sees company approaching...or was he trying to hail the ice cream man outside the Theatre house who had stopped in his rounds to watch the building burn down?)  
  
Malek: *hisses evilly* The boy gives warning something doth approach. What cursed foot wanders this way to-night, To cross my obsequies and true love's rite? What with a torch! muffle me, night, awhile  
  
(Fades into the back of the scenery, into shadow where people can still see Malek because of his burning eyes. Dead giveaway, but the people pretend to not see him. And now Malek was beginning to feel the heat of the performance going against him.)  
  
(Kain and Balthasar walk to the crypt with a torch, a mattock - which is something between a mat and a hammock - and look like they're about to do some breaking and entering against the law.)  
  
Kain: Give me that mattock and the wrenching iron. Hold, take this letter; early in the morning See thou deliver it to my lord and father. Give me the light: upon thy life, I charge thee, Whate'er thou hear'st or seest, stand all aloof, And do not interrupt me in my course. Why I descend into this bed of death, Is partly to behold my lady's face; But chiefly to take thence from her dead finger A precious ring, a ring that I must use In dear employment: therefore hence, be gone: But if thou, jealous, dost return to pry In what I further shall intend to do, By heaven, I will tear thee joint by joint And strew this hungry churchyard with thy limbs: The time and my intents are savage-wild, More fierce and more inexorable far Than empty tigers or the roaring sea  
  
Balthasar: I don't know what you're planning Romeo, but this doesn't sound like something I as a friend would allow you to do.  
  
Kain: *gives a dead glare* Screw this up and I'll make sure you never have children.  
  
Balthasar: ...I will be gone, sir, and not trouble you.  
  
Kain: So shalt thou show me friendship. Take thou that: Live, and be prosperous: and farewell, good fellow.  
  
Balthasar: *to himself* For all this same, I'll hide me hereabout: His looks I fear, and his intents I doubt.  
  
(Walks offstage, thankful to be alive)  
  
Kain: Thou detestable maw, thou womb of death, Gorged with the dearest morsel of the earth, Thus I enforce thy rotten jaws to open, And, in despite, I'll cram thee with more food!  
  
(Begins to pull at the crypt door with all his strength, cursing and puffing away all the while)  
  
Marcus: So he's going to do what now? Place food in the crypt?  
  
Sebastian: No, you baldy. He's going to kill himself in the crypt. He's the 'food' and he'll 'cram' himself in.  
  
Marcus: He could find his own crypt to do it in. Even we vampires don't break and enter into other tombs unless we're desperate.  
  
Faustus: *thinks back to moving into a tomb to avoid taxes in the Slums, and having never told his friends* Ummm.........yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!  
  
(Malek, realizing that his cue has now come, steps from the shadows and draws his sword, stalking towards Kain)  
  
Malek: This is that banish'd haughty Montague, That murder'd my love's cousin, with which grief, It is supposed, the fair creature died; And here is come to do some villanous shame To the dead bodies: I will apprehend him Stop thy unhallow'd toil, vile Montague! Can vengeance be pursued further than death? Condemned villain, I do apprehend thee: Obey, and go with me; for thou must die.  
  
(Kain stops hammering away on the door and turns around slyly, drawing the Soul Reaver at the same moment. He has what could only be described as an evil grin on his face)  
  
Kain: I must indeed; and therefore came I hither. Good gentle youth, tempt not a desperate man; Fly hence, and leave me: think upon these gone; Let them affright thee. I beseech thee, youth, Put not another sin upon my head, By urging me to fury: O, be gone! By heaven, I love thee better than myself; For I come hither arm'd against myself: Stay not, be gone; live, and hereafter say, A madman's mercy bade thee run away  
  
Malek: I do defy thy conjurations, And apprehend thee for a felon here  
  
Kain: For breaking and entering?  
  
Malek: You're a necrophiliac!  
  
Kain: Wilt thou provoke me? then have at thee, boy!  
  
Malek: Boy? I'm way beyond your years!  
  
(And with that slight provocation, the two fight! The crowd began to chant the fight song, which was similar to the Oscar Milder Weiner Song. Malek slashed out with his sword, hoping to sever Kain's spine. But blocking with the Reaver, Kain dodged away to the right, feinted and then blocked an attack from the Guardian of Conflict, and then raised the Soul Reaver high above his head for a downwards blow.)  
  
Page: *walks in holding ice cream; remembers his lines* OH SHIT!!!!! I better go and get the watch! *runs out*  
  
(Vorador, still high from the smoke inhalation, watched the fight and realized that if he wanted to keep his spot in Blood Omen 1 of killing Malek, should do something quickly or else face the consequences of being written out of the script for good. Quickly the old vampire rushed out onstage, knocked Malek down, and broke his neck.)  
  
Vorador: And take that! *runs back to the wings*  
  
Malek: *talking with, yes, a broken neck* O, I am slain! If thou be merciful, Open the tomb, lay me with Juliet.  
  
(And he died...again. And the Sarafan began to sob dramatically at the death of such a noble paladine yak yak yak, blah blah blah, etc. fill in this space with noble words for such and such. The vampires were elated on the other hand. They started cheering and dancing, knowing that they could now walk around butt naked if they wanted to and no one would try to stop them.)  
  
Kain: In faith, I will. Let me peruse this face. Mercutio's kinsman, noble County Paris! What said my man, when my betossed soul Did not attend him as we rode? I think He told me Paris should have married Juliet: Said he not so? or did I dream it so? Or am I mad, hearing him talk of Juliet, To think it was so? O, give me thy hand, One writ with me in sour misfortune's book! I'll bury thee in a triumphant grave; A grave? O no! a lantern, slaughter'd youth, For here lies Juliet, and her beauty makes This vault a feasting presence full of light. Death, lie thou there, by a dead man interr'd.  
  
(Kain opened the tomb and unceremoniously drags Malek's body inside, dumping it into a corner filled with rats and dust. He looks upon the sleeping form of Ariel, who was not truly dead but that's to the mix up in the letter in Romeo's mind is pretty much gone. Ah yes, 'Juliet' was laid out stone cold in the catacombs that held the rest of her very dead, very bony and very dusty family. Flowers were placed around her, roses, tulips and one dandelion that contained a bee *focus quickly in on the bee, then zoom out, then zoom in, then out, in, out and then never come back to the bee again*)  
  
Kain: How oft when men are at the point of death Have they been merry! which their keepers call A lightning before death: O, how may I Call this a lightning? O my love! my wife! Death, that hath suck'd the honey of thy breath, Hath had no power yet upon thy beauty: Thou art not conquer'd; beauty's ensign yet Is crimson in thy lips and in thy cheeks, And death's pale flag is not advanced there. Tybalt, liest thou there in thy bloody sheet? O, what more favour can I do to thee, Than with that hand that cut thy youth in twain To sunder his that was thine enemy? Forgive me, cousin! Ah, dear Juliet, Why art thou yet so fair? shall I believe That unsubstantial death is amorous, And that the lean abhorred monster keeps Thee here in dark to be his paramour? For fear of that, I still will stay with thee; And never from this palace of dim night Depart again: here, here will I remain With worms that are thy chamber-maids; O, here Will I set up my everlasting rest, And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars From this world-wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last! Arms, take your last embrace! and, lips, O you The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss A dateless bargain to engrossing death! Come, bitter conduct, come, unsavoury guide! Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on The dashing rocks thy sea-sick weary bark! Here's to my love!  
  
(Kain dramatically takes out the vial of poison, uncorks it and drinks deeply. Making a face because it tastes as bitter as medicine, the vampire lies down beside Ariel and raises his arms towards the ceiling. And that's when he sees that the whole place is on fire. So what does Kain do, panic? nope, he doggedly goes on with the play, determined to bring the problem of the fire to Anamae later on.)  
  
Kain: O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.  
  
(Kain's eyes seem to grow heavy, and his breath coming shorter and shorter. Making a gurgling sound in the back of his throat that could only be a death keel, the Emperor of Nosgoth 'dies'. The fan girls weep, the people who liked Kain cry out in rage, and the people who hated Kain leap for joy.)  
  
All the people against Kain: YESSSSSSSS!!!! He's dead, dead! Bwahahahahahahah!  
  
(They are silenced by all the pro-Kain fans attacking them and ... Let's put it as most of the bodies were never found.)  
  
(Rahab quickly comes running onstage, holding a lantern and spade, still covered in his bloody clothing. He sees the crypt door open and his eyes grow wide.)  
  
Rahab: Someone got here before me! Damn it, now nothing will work out! Saint Francis be my speed! how oft to-night Have my old feet stumbled at graves! Who's there?  
  
(Balthasar comes back onstage, looking worried)  
  
Balthasar: The place is on fire...  
  
Rahab: What? *looks up* Oh MY GOD! The theatre house is on fire! Don't panic, I'll continue with the scene and you get the directress working on getting it under control!  
  
Balthasar: Ye gods, man, this fire is out of control! *runs offstage*  
  
(Rahab quickly dropped his props, went into the crypt and shook Ariel awake. The ghost looked up, saw the fire, immediately began to scream and almost went off-stage, but thanks to Rahab somehow holding her down and telling her to complete the script while the fire problem was being taken care of, she stayed.)  
  
Ariel: O comfortable friar! where is my lord? I do remember well where I should be, And there I am. Where is my Romeo? *sees Kain beside her* What's here? a cup, closed in my true love's hand? Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end: O churl! drunk all, and left no friendly drop To help me after? I will kiss thy lips; Haply some poison yet doth hang on them, To make die with a restorative. *kisses Kain's lips, which makes the vampire lord's lips quirk up in a smile - and which made Nupraptor insanely mad* Thy lips are warm. *sees the Soul Reaver* This is thy sheath *stabs herself* There rust, and let me die.  
  
(And Ariel then died as well. Which is weird because she was already dead and from a knife wound but it didn't matter. Backstage Balthasar had managed to point out to everyone that there was a fire happening above them, that the theatre house could give in any moment. And do you know what they all did? Once again in the good old Nosgoth thinking of 'Never consider what could happen' they wanted to finish the play before running away. Umah stood beside Anamae, who was calmly sipping more alcohol and trying to convince her to do something.)  
  
Umah: Do something.  
  
Anamae: *sips* no.  
  
Umah: Why not?  
  
Anamae: No longer give a damn.  
  
Umah: You'll lose money.  
  
Anamae: *smashes the vodka glass* WHAT?! *sees the fire above, then the actors huddled nearby* The play will finish!  
  
(Shoving them all onstage, not caring anymore for continuity or the likes, and damn what the critics would think, the audience thought they saw more people onstage but because of the smoke growing thicker and thicker, they couldn't be certain.)  
  
Anamae: *yelling drunkenly* Finish the *hic* play! Do the short, short, short version!  
  
Turel: But I lose my parts!  
  
Anamae: Awsh, you get the last line!  
  
Vorador: *as Montague* My son, dead! *as Capulet* My daughter, dead again!  
  
Melchiah: Oh what has happened?!  
  
Rahab: Looks like a love suicide!  
  
(Everyone jumps out of the way as a piece of timber falls down from above with a little Fire Demon cackling like crazy on it.)  
  
Umah: Hey, Paris is dead! *points to Malek's body*  
  
Melchiah: Why did my daughter die?!  
  
(Fire begins to spread across the stage)  
  
Vorador: *as Capulet* She loved Montague's son so. We should never have parted them!  
  
Umah: Let our house have peace now!  
  
(Everyone's voice goes insanely high as they try to combat the fear of the fire. Now the audience is beginning to believe that this might not be part of the play. Already some are running for the doors, but finding them locked, are trying the windows to get out.)  
  
Turel: Yes, let there be peace! Montague, Capulet, take hands!  
  
(Everyone looks to Vorador, who in the middle of a costume change, stares dumbly at the cast and then joins both his hands together. It seems to work well enough, and no one cares anymore to complain about it.)  
  
Turel: Shake.  
  
(Vorador shakes his hands.)  
  
Rahab: Too many people have died over this feud that started when one person's cat fought with the other one, which resulted in the death of the beloved canary named Chika, who didn't even get her own gravestone!  
  
Turel: *inhales deeply for his final lines...coughs on the fumes...then speaks* A glooming peace this morning with it brings; The sun, for sorrow, will not show his head: Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things; Some shall be pardon'd, and some punished: For never was a story of more woe Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.  
  
Anamae: AND THE PLAY IS DONE! *the whole theatre house begins to really go up in flames* EVERYONE FOR THEMSELVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	31. After the Fireand many thanks to all

(Come the next morning, there was no Nosgoth Theatre house left to speak of. It was a pile of smouldering wood, charred marble, maybe one or two walls if it was lucky, and a lot of soot. Since the Sarafan Lord and Moebius had barricaded the front doors, everyone who piled out of the audience seats and try to escape via that way were very unlucky. Thankfully the Nosgoth fire team arrived before anyone became casualties, and they were rescued.)  
  
Random interviewed Seraphim: I owe my life to this trusty human, which broke the glass for me to escape. *pats a Sarafan Glyph guard on the back*  
  
Marcus: *sitting with Faustus and Sebastian off near the Children's Daycare Centre* This is the last time I go to any play. I'm going to stick in the Upper City from now on, and I don't give a care if anyone complains about it.  
  
Sebastian: And I'm going to take my anger out on all the people here later on because my cape was burnt.  
  
Faustus: And I'm going to pretend that this was all a bad dream.  
  
(The Elder God slides on by.)  
  
Elder God: And I'm going home. Gods only knows what that dumb attendant of mine has done to the Wheel while I was away.  
  
(The other Pillar Guardians also got out, but because they suffered severe third degree burns, were taken immediately to the nearest hospital so they could not comment to the news reporters on what happened to them.)  
  
(The crew and the actors were also safe and sound. All of them were trapped onstage, unable to escape the fire that was about to consume them when Zephon came up with the brilliant idea of using Dumah as a battering ram. He couldn't exactly protest with so many people shoving him head first into the wooden, then cement wall as they made their bid to freedom. Melchiah managed to drag Janos out with him, while Raziel picked up the unconscious director by her legs and toss her out onto the grass. It took both Kain and Ariel, who knew that saving the theatre would be a complete loss, to drag Anamae out with them. She was jumping up and down with a lighter in each hand, screaming for the Theatre house to burn down faster as she danced merrily with the Fire Demons.)  
  
(Outside)  
  
Raziel: Well, that's that. The end of the show. *sees a wall cave in*  
  
Turel: I wasn't able to say all my lines. *sniffs*  
  
Zephon: Whatever. They sucked anyways.  
  
Rahab: *calmly reading a book* And then they realized they were no longer little girls. They were little women.  
  
Melchiah: Who here wants to go home? I'm sleepy and I need to work on my new gloves. *holds up the skin from the 2nd Benvolio that he killed*  
  
Dumah: *still woozy* Wha-huh? Who's nothing...in the barn with-dancing bear.  
  
Zephon: *grabs Dumah by the arm* Come on, we'll put you to bed. A few days to sleep everything off and you'll be normal once again.  
  
(The Lieutenants headed off to the Sanctuary of the Clans while Umah carted Vorador, who had burns on his hands, back to Meridian and the Cabal. The original directress, who had been placed on the ground beside Anamae, finally woke up, looked around at the destruction before her, and said some pretty memorable words.)  
  
Directress: What the %^YT%$T(%$T^ JV%G^(YY$ MY% l33T happened here?  
  
Anamae: Fire. Burned. Burn baby, burn, disco...inferno! *laughs madly*  
  
Directress: But my play, what-who...why?  
  
Kain: *placing a talon on her shoulder* It's a long story. And I don't want to talk about it.  
  
Ariel: Opening night was less than spectacular.  
  
Kain: But it sure was hot enough!  
  
(Everyone groans once again at the bad taste in comedy.)  
  
Ariel: Kain, stick to moody seriousness. It's more you.  
  
Directress: But the play and all my work....  
  
(Anamae, bouncing over to the directress after fighting off the men in white suits who tried to place a straightjacket on her, gave a wicked grin.)  
  
Anamae: There's the Theatre house just up the road. I'm sure they won't mind you going there and putting the play on in their area.  
  
Directress: Yes, excellent! That is just what we shall do! *claps her hands and walks away* Work to be done, work to be done. I must get the crew and cast together again; recast for certain parts and the such but it doesn't matter. *voice fades as she walks away*  
  
(Kain and Ariel, plus the rest of the cast and crew that stayed around long enough to hear this news, turned deadly eyes on Anamae. Everything fell silent. Not even a cricket chirped but that was because Jimmy had been burned as well. Anamae attempted a wide and cheesy smile at the growing mob.)  
  
Anamae: Guys...please, how about we-  
  
Kain: GET HER!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Anamae: o_O!  
  
(And that was how the opening night of Romeo and Juliet in Nosgoth came to a stunning end.)  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
(A white hospital room fills the viewers eyes. On a bed, in a body cast and watching television is Anamae, sipping Bubble Tea through a large straw.)  
  
Anamae: Oh, hello there people. Yes, after they managed to pull all those people off of me, I was taken to the hospital to have my spleen fixed up, broken ribs replaced, shattered bones mended and cuts/bruises bandaged. Doc says I should be outta this thing in about 6 weeks. As for the play, I never got to see anything else but I was told that for the next two weeks it was a smashing success, without of course all the blood, gore, violence at the snacks stand, the fire, people dying on stage and the likes. Critics say something was missing from the whooping original. *gives a laugh, then moans as it breaks something in her chest* But I would like to thank you people, for reading this Shakespearian take-off from the original. My thanks to the following people...forgive me if I cannot get you all as I do have about 5 concussions going on at the moment.  
  
Syvia: Many thanks for constantly reviewing and bugging me for the ending of this parody. ^^ Don't worry, you can pick up Lorant, Zofia, Cili and Adojan in the Burn Wards - they tried to play heroes and it didn't exactly work out the way they wished.  
  
Ranmyaku: :) Thanks for reading Ran. And would you please pick up Ezra in the mental ward? The nurses think he might be telling other people that the only way for them to have eternal life is if they jump off the roof itself.  
  
Jedi-And: I'm glad you enjoyed the parody of Shakespeare. Don't worry, the cast can't knock you unconscious while they're so busy recovering from the burn wounds.  
  
Angel-Chan: *grins* You were the first person to review on first fic on FFNet and sticking through all the way. I can't thank you enough.  
  
Raptor Red: Seriously, I'm glad that you enjoyed laughing your butt off for the whole story. Just please make sure to pick it up on the way out. ;)  
  
Wise Man Domingo: Finally, more people to sign the petition for the castration of Moebius. *sobs* It means so much to get so many signatures!  
  
GoT: ^_____________^ Thankees go out to you and your brainchildren! Please pick them up in the child daycare centre. Donovan wants the legos and is not giving any to any of the other children.  
  
Mysterious Kat: Hey, be pleased to know that Zephon got out without a scratch. He did of course keep the dresses but shush, it's his little secret or so he thinks! ~_^  
  
Bloodthirsty: Your Kain is well and alive and fine. Of course mentally he's not, but he can always play Romeo until the play gets so boring no one will wanna see it anymore.  
  
Elashana: Haven't seen you around in a while, but all the same, thanks for reviewing and making it interesting!  
  
Centaura Eblan: I'm glad Shakespeare got interesting for you with this fic. All you have to do is just add the proper characters; the bad things that can happen and you have a winner!  
  
1: By putting up all the 1's, does that mean this fic is no. 1?  
  
VladimirsAngel: Don't die laughing now; busting up a rib can hurt.  
  
Anamae: *smiles* To everyone else, I'm glad that this fic was a good read, laugh, and whatnot for you all. Now if you will excuse me, I need to have my morphine. I deserve it. *presses the button for the pain relieving drug* Bliss....sweet bliss. 


End file.
